Eclipse11 Posted May 29, 2010 Share Posted May 29, 2010 Hi everyone...I broke up with my ex-boyfriend about a month ago, we last parted on bad terms over the phone two weeks ago...he got angry and said what went around came around, maybe someone'll come along and break my heart one day...I was very upset at the time, he later sent two more text messages which I ignored, saying he did not want to part on bad terms, he stilll loved me and always would...I had tried being nice, it hadn't worked, just looked like I was messing with his head so I cut off contact... Tomorrow is his birthday, I've been dithering about what to do and haven't sent a card yet...I wanted to send a text on his birthday ( not in the morning, in case I ruin his birthday - in the evening ) just a cool one saying "happy birthday hope you had a lovely day" as a peace offering - everyone I know seems to think this is okay as long as the text isn't flowery and overloving... I will feel so depressed and down if I do nothing...feeling bad already for not sending a card... Do you think it would be okay? I broke up with him for a multitude of reasons and I'm not looking to reconcile but maybe meet with him as friends some time in the future since we loved walking, cycling together etc... I feel more depressed than usual and I'm sure it's connected to the fact I know it's his birthday tomorrow... Thanks to anybody who can help...Eclipse x Link to comment
uj2004 Posted May 29, 2010 Share Posted May 29, 2010 Send it. Its my birthday today, and the ex ignored it, after coming back into contact just this week after pretty long NC. It would have done a lot for how I view her had she acknowledged it. Link to comment
Eclipse11 Posted May 29, 2010 Author Share Posted May 29, 2010 Thanks uj2004...maybe she will text you later on or something? I hope that she does and thanks again - wish you a happy birthday, enjoy it and have a lovely time despite her actions, you can never tell what the future will be or read people's minds...Eclipse x Link to comment
coolchick64 Posted May 29, 2010 Share Posted May 29, 2010 Hey Eclipse, I just have to observe that you seem to be having a really hard time letting go of this guy. All this noise about being friends, not hurting him by ignoring him, etc. just doesn't ring true to me. There must be something in it for you or you wouldn't be devoting so much thought. I think you miss him! But look, if you're still sure about the breakup, you have to just leave this poor guy alone. He doesn't owe you his friendship. You'll be lucky if/when he wants to offer it but that's up to him. If you contact him at all, he'll see it as encouragement. You've read the other threads around here I'm sure. If someone's ex hiccups they try to interpret it. You made your decision. I'm assuming you had good reasons. Now you have to live with it, and part of that is letting him go. Link to comment
Eclipse11 Posted May 29, 2010 Author Share Posted May 29, 2010 Hi Coolchick64...I'm feeling better now, think it was just a weak few hours...I've found out, he's having a party tonight anyway, so he's probably doing okay...yes I do miss him but when I'm doing stuff and feeling happy I don't miss him, I think it's lonelinesss, but I also remember how very unhappy I was when I was with him, so I'm feeling much stronger now than before...I appreciate you writing, I'm starting to see it's best let go, he didn't treat me very well really...thanks Eclipse x ps. It's just weird, it's like I can't accept the truth, that he treated me pretty badly and have to keep blaming myself and beating myself up, I don't get it one bit...! Link to comment
rigguy Posted May 29, 2010 Share Posted May 29, 2010 ^^^^^ What Coolchick said. Neither of you need any more drama. So what are you expecting out of this "peace offering"? Link to comment
Eclipse11 Posted May 29, 2010 Author Share Posted May 29, 2010 Hey rigguy I'm starting to see a bit more sense now...don't know what I'd be expecting, a friendship? But that would be unrealistic I know...I guess I thought it might make him feel better and less rejected, nothing in it really for me...I do miss him a bit though...Eclipse x Link to comment
coolchick64 Posted May 29, 2010 Share Posted May 29, 2010 Hi Coolchick64...I'm feeling better now, think it was just a weak few hours...I've found out, he's having a party tonight anyway, so he's probably doing okay...yes I do miss him but when I'm doing stuff and feeling happy I don't miss him, I think it's lonelinesss, but I also remember how very unhappy I was when I was with him, so I'm feeling much stronger now than before...I appreciate you writing, I'm starting to see it's best let go, he didn't treat me very well really...thanks Eclipse x ps. It's just weird, it's like I can't accept the truth, that he treated me pretty badly and have to keep blaming myself and beating myself up, I don't get it one bit...! I think there are different kinds of dumper scenarios that are difficult to deal with in different ways. Sometimes people dump a person out of the blue for no apparent reason. It ends up being more about them. I think those guys suffer from guilt but don't really look back. Other times, one person leaves the relationship in spirit . . . either by withdrawing, or cheating, or otherwise mistreating the other person. They don't actually do the dumping, but they kind of force the other person to do it. It sounds like maybe this was your situation ??? Anyway, those people end up feeling really conflicted because they ended it but didn't really want to do it. In a sense, they're both dumper and dumpee. I think it's really great you've been able to remember your reasons for ending it and continue to feel at peace with the decision. Just assume he's okay and focus on moving on with the rest of your life. Link to comment
Eclipse11 Posted May 29, 2010 Author Share Posted May 29, 2010 Yes Coolchick64 I definitely feel in the second category becuase definitely I did end it but didn't really want to do it...and I'm seeing similarities between how I feel and how dumpees on here feel...I just wanted him to understand me sometimes but he never did, he was insensitive, he didn't try...I was sad, I didn't want to walk away... I'm sure he won't change though and have faith I will meet somebody better...I haven't written on here about the things he did because it's a popular forum, but I've posted about them on another more obscure forum and other posters did say that he sounded pretty controlling and disrespectful... I wish it had worked and yes I do feel conflicted because I never really wanted to do it but because of some of the things he did and fact we were incompatible in some fundamental ways I had to - even weirder I still love him though I had to do it and feel sometimes like I cannot forgive him for some of the things that happened... But I am feeling stronger now and thanks for the encouragement in the last paragraph of your post ( and the rest )...Eclipse x Link to comment
Eclipse11 Posted May 29, 2010 Author Share Posted May 29, 2010 I said to my brother last night, there is a ten percent chance I may go back to him for another try...he thought it would be a big mistake but there is though...I'm wavering a tiny bit but trying to be strong...I truly don't want to mess with his head either so may not be sending the text...Eclipse x Link to comment
hater13 Posted May 29, 2010 Share Posted May 29, 2010 If you ever choose to go back to him I think it should be far from now... Not at this point. Maybe a few months from now but that is if you see a positive change in him. Much love xo Link to comment
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.