ABC's of getting over a breakup

[somberchic]

I've had my share of pain....6 failed relationships total. My shortest relationship was a 2 year relationship...my longest one lasted 6 years...so I'm very familiar with the process of grieving...I wanted to share with you guys some tips....I call it the ABC's of getting over a break-up. Corny I know, but they are good advice.

 

 

1. Acceptance: This is actually the hardest part. Once you accept that its truly over, you can start the healing process. Do not cling onto delusive hope that you'll get back together--you'll only torture yourself in the process...LEtting go is a lot easier than trying to fix something that is so broken. It's like trying to put a million pieces of broken glass together and cutting your self along the way. The best thing to do is move on.

 

2. Be with the pain: Feel the pain, cry it out...Yell, scream--just get it out of your system.

 

3. CRY CRY CRY: Crying is actually healing...keep crying. When you cry, its like peeling off a layer of hurt. I think of it as peeling an onion...the layers get thinner and thinner...But you must not regress by going back to the person. That person will only break your heart all over again and again and again...Do not interrupt the healing process!

 

4. Do NOT drink and dial or text or FB....I know its hard when your phone tells you " You have no new messages"...or if you do have a new message, its not from your ex. I know the phone beckons me during my "buzz" time...but resist!!!

 

5. When you are able to, get off your butt and go EXERCISE

 

6. FORM a support network. Keep coming back to this site! ITs GOD-SENT because you see first hand that you're truly NOT ALONE!!!!

 

7. GIve it time. I know it sounds cliche...but time heals all wound. These wounds may not ever heal completely, but will generate with scars of greater wisdom, perception and strength. FEEL FREE to add any tips...

[Eclipse11]

You are so right somberchic especially about all the grieving, crying and acceptance...and the gym really does work wonders as well! It makes you forget and gives you higher self-esteem, thanks for posting...Eclipse x

[anu1560]

Well said. I think screaming and crying helps a lot. The day I have cried, I get lot of work done than the the day I have been trying to hold on to my tears.

 

Alcohol can never heal you. Alcohol actually makes you more depressed. So if you ever try this path, you are on the wrong track.

 

And rather than staying home (sometimes which is necessary), try to find reasons to go out and hang out. I know you don' want to hang out. But force yourself some of the times.

[lia86]

Great thread!!

 

Exercise and getting out both help a lot. Making an effort to eat and sleep right help too. Crying feels awful at the time but is so healing. I always notice if I cry a lot one day, I feel better the next, and if I have a long sob session, it is usually followed by a brief reprieve a few hours later.

 

ENA is a Godsend!!

 

Also, books on breaking up have really helped me. Some of them are corny and make you feel like you're wallowing/dwelling, but others are very uplifting, healthy and positive.

 

Keeping track of my progress has helped too. Making note of my improvements makes me feel like I'm actually getting somewhere and all this pain isn't for nothing, that it really won't last forever.

[jenna-is-here]

Yes and yes to all of that! #1 is the hardest because it is easier said than done.

[somberchic]

PAIN is pain. I figured that I should be a pro at it since I've gone through it many times...--WRONG!!! It still hurts like a mother f*****!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And it really depends on the guys too. IN my experience, the hardest ones to let go are the good guys from the good & healthy relationships...the bastards are tough too--but they are a lot easier to let go! Its the good guys that makes it hard!!!!! I'm still crying over my loss of a great guy...

[somberchic]

Of course i've dated guys that last shorter than 2 years...some were 6 months...others a few months...BUt I don't count those guys...otherwise my number of breakups would rank in double digits

[Skeptic76]

LEtting go is a lot easier than trying to fix something that is so broken. It's like trying to put a million pieces of broken glass together and cutting your self along the way.

 

A wise woman once told me "Let go or get dragged."

 

My apologies for not reading the whole thread, but loved OP!

[hearmeroar]

all your tips are on point. number 4 especially, since it is ohhh so sad when you check your phone and have no messages what so ever. ugh.

i recently broke up with someone and I'm going to have to keep this thread in mind. Thx