How to deal?

[ranchycowgirl]

Just a fair warning, this is going to be very long, so please bear with me

 

My boyfriend and I have been together 9 months. He and I are very much in love, and I do know that because of the way he'd treat me and speak to me. He was very genuine. I gave him everything I've ever had to give.

Two weeks ago he started having issues with his phone, which I do know to be true because I've seen it. He went an entire week without speaking to me. I had tried calling him and texting him and never got any response. I could tell on the 5th day of "no phone" that his phone WAS on and he was just not answering.

I decided against the odds that I would drive to his house and surprise him with a nice dinner.

He came home drunk and I was talking to his friends. His friends like me, I wasn't unwelcome sitting there. Anyway, he wouldn't look at me and simply said "hola..." I stood up and asked him to come outside with me real quick. He brushed me away and sat down smiling saying "I don't want to go out there, it's cold out!" I said please, just real quick. He kept denying. His friends were all shaking their heads in disgust at this point. One of them finally said "You really need to go outside man" He said "why? She's crazy!!"

I was shocked that he would say such a thing to me. After his friends kept saying for him to just go outside he did. He looked at me and said "this isn't working. you all the time. you called me so many times today! We need a break." I said I called him because I knew his phone was on, and why hadn't he just picked up ONCE or sent me a quick text saying he'd call me later. That's all that needed to be done and I'd be fine. I never asked anything of him other than to speak to him on the phone for 5 minutes whenever possible, and a text. Because, up until this point he had called me everynight, talked for hours, and would always text me in the morning. That's all I ever needed was a little communication. He then looked at me and told me I needed to go home. I got in my car and drove the 2 hour drive home at midnight.

We didn't speak for 3 days. I called him and we spoke for an hour and a half about what was going on. He brought up old fights that we had already resolved and he'd apologized for in the past. He had a picture of a nude model on his phone and I asked him to take it off. He did, and apologized for it. He then brought up another time that he hadn't spoken to me all day on a friday when we had made plans for the weekend. He said that he was roping somewhere. So I went there and he agreed that is what he wanted me to do. So now he's telling his friends that I'm crazy because of the way HE treated me. Of course I reacted to what he was doing, but I never asked anything of him.

I had finally agreed in my mind to the break because then maybe he'd learn to appreciate me. I then got on facebook only to find he'd changed his status to "single." I had told him if he wanted to break up just to tell me. He said he didn't want to. I asked if he still loved me and he said yea.

I know he loves me, I know what we have isn't all just a lie.

He just lets his "pride" get in the way. He doesn't want to be seen as the guy who's girlfriend makes him do things. Which the only thing I have asked him not to do is have a naked chick on his phone out of respect for me.

So... is this hopeless? I really think he'll realize what he's lost and try to come back to me. I have no idea what I'd do though because things would have to change to make me trust him again.

I love him more than anything and I know he loves me but I don't know if he scared himself and now has to just be an or what...

but I made the mistake of trying to contact him just because I want to know what the hell is going on... of course no response.

How am I supposed to deal with this? I'm in such a hard spot. I'm in a new state where all I have is a job. I have no friends here. I don't know what to do.

I just want him to wake up, because he said he wanted to marry me and be with me forever. He meant it. He doesn't sugar coat anything and I know he never says what he doesn't mean.

Is it common that young guys, 21, would push away someone they love because they get scared?

I'm so hurt. Sorry for the babbling but all my thoughts are jumbled.

[digger11]

you ARE asking more of him though than removing a pic (and of a model?? it's not someone he knows) you're asking for him to contact you practically a specific amount of times per day.

 

I cans ee where he is coming from. I don't like people to have expectations of how much we have to talk. Loosen up!

[ranchycowgirl]

I am loosened up. I just think if you're with someone you love, then you should be able to contact them! Im not asking for daily phone calls for hours or anything... just a second of communication, like he USED to.

[waveseer]

No matter how much you love each other it's obvious that you're idea of a relationship and his are too different for things to work out satisfactorily. Free yourself and you will have the opportunity to find someone more mature.

[digger11]

you should be able to contact him... but

you did say '5 min whenever possible' and he used to call in the morning.

 

i bet if you stepped way back, he'd be all over it again. but, you can't have expectations for how often you see one another and are in contact. I'd say once every two days is good.... and if you need more just say, "i really like it when you write me in the a.m."

[SpottiOtti]

He went an entire week without speaking to me.

 

Do you think if he really cared for you he would go for an entire week with no contact? If my BF's phone was broken, he would find a way to be in touch with me. A week is a long time to just blow your SO off, if you guys have already been in contact daily as a habit prior to this.

 

I decided against the odds that I would drive to his house and surprise him with a nice dinner.

He came home drunk and I was talking to his friends. His friends like me, I wasn't unwelcome sitting there. Anyway, he wouldn't look at me and simply said "hola..." I stood up and asked him to come outside with me real quick. He brushed me away and sat down smiling saying "I don't want to go out there, it's cold out!" I said please, just real quick. He kept denying. His friends were all shaking their heads in disgust at this point. One of them finally said "You really need to go outside man" He said "why? She's crazy!!"

 

He doesn't contact you for a week but you reward him for this behavior by driving to his house to make him dinner? He doesn't show any interest in talking to you but you continue to throw yourself at his mercy?

 

Everything you have written in this post gives me the impression that this guy can treat you however he wants, and you'll keep coming back for more. If I've got that impression, trust me, he does too. I know you love him and you aren't sure how to act because he's just done an about-face in this relationship, but it is very unattractive when someone acts with no self-respect. If you do get back together, this will happen again and again until you learn that you deserve better. Good luck.