bar35 Posted May 28, 2010 Share Posted May 28, 2010 I am going on a second date tonight with a girl who I am really attracted to. I am struggling with the incessant thought that I am not good enough for her, and I am concerned that it will not permit me to move as smoothly as I would like, and that it is impairing my confidence. I confessed my insecurity to a friend, telling him that I have serious self esteem issues and that I don't feel good enough for her and wrote back "Your probably not." I know that he was joking, but I feel so anxious it actually bothered me at some level. AHHHH!!!! I need a jolt of confidence here. Link to comment
waveseer Posted May 28, 2010 Share Posted May 28, 2010 Everyone is "good enough" for everyone. Keep your thoughts on having fun and how you perceive her rather than how she may be perceiving you. Link to comment
Kinkz Posted May 28, 2010 Share Posted May 28, 2010 How did the first date go? If you survived that and got through it then a second date should be a breeze. Link to comment
bar35 Posted May 28, 2010 Author Share Posted May 28, 2010 Thanks waveseer. I believe that too, I"m just struggling now. Link to comment
LisaC Posted May 28, 2010 Share Posted May 28, 2010 You never know, she could be having the same insecurities as you without you even knowing it. You are worth it !! She seems to think so too since there is a 2nd date. Link to comment
obs Posted May 28, 2010 Share Posted May 28, 2010 I don't know what to tell you since I'm not a psychologist, but you really need to work on your self esteem. For me, I achieve this by setting realistic but challenging goals accomplishing them. It doesn't even have to be anything at all to do with women. Link to comment
oldenoughtoknow Posted May 28, 2010 Share Posted May 28, 2010 You've made it through the hard part. You secured the date, and the first date went well. You're home! Now you can relax and have fun! You did it, buddy! Link to comment
bar35 Posted May 28, 2010 Author Share Posted May 28, 2010 LOL! You're right kinkz, I don't know why I am sweating this so much. It's really weird, not like me actually. I am usually of the mind that if she is there it's because she wants to be, but somehow I am convincing myself that there is some sort of negative sub agenda, or who the heck knows what else. If I were on the other side of this thread, responding to it, I would say "Get it together!" Link to comment
bar35 Posted May 28, 2010 Author Share Posted May 28, 2010 Thank you all so much. I really need this support right now. I guess it is a regression due to stress. I think of my psyche as a tube of toothpaste. When too much pressure begins to be applied out comes the goop. Really silly. Link to comment
Kinkz Posted May 28, 2010 Share Posted May 28, 2010 Sometimes over thinking something too much just makes you more paranoid. Distract yourself with other things, like music or whatever chills you. Maybe it is just stress. Link to comment
vale Posted May 28, 2010 Share Posted May 28, 2010 Just think that there are thousands out there who'd kill to go out with an attractive girl. Link to comment
bar35 Posted May 28, 2010 Author Share Posted May 28, 2010 I think that you're right, that it is just stress. I'm not really sure why I feel like the stakes are so high. And I know that there are thousands out there who would like to go out with an attractive girl, which is why I am sweating it. Link to comment
obs Posted May 28, 2010 Share Posted May 28, 2010 The attitude you have of not being good enough is only going to hurt both you and your relationships. It is not an attractive feature, and something you should really work on. Why do you feel this way? Link to comment
waveseer Posted May 28, 2010 Share Posted May 28, 2010 It might be helpful to think of something about her that doesn't thrill you. This way you bring her down to human. Link to comment
bar35 Posted May 28, 2010 Author Share Posted May 28, 2010 You're absolutely right OBS, it is not an attractive feature. I have no idea why these feelings are coming out. I don't think that they are at my core. I am trying to keep her achievements in perspective, whilst not minimizing my own. I'm going to practice some martial arts now, that helps me to keep things in perspective. Not a bad idea waves. I just gotta chill out. Maybe get a snack or something. Ok, I think that I'm beginning to get it together. I need to be really cautious of self fulfilling prophecy here. Link to comment
obs Posted May 28, 2010 Share Posted May 28, 2010 Great, things like that are great to do (used to do bjj myself). There's a lot of people out there, but only 1 you. You're special and have things to offer. You just need to find and realize them. Link to comment
bar35 Posted May 28, 2010 Author Share Posted May 28, 2010 I'm not sure what bjj is, I assume a martial arts style. thanks for the support bro. Link to comment
bar35 Posted May 28, 2010 Author Share Posted May 28, 2010 Ok, I'm back in this. I guess that I just need to train for a while and clear my head. I don't know why the heck I was slipping so bad. My goodness. Oh, and I realized while I was training that you were referring to Brazilian Ju Jitsu. Wow I was out of it. Link to comment
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