Igelchen Posted May 28, 2010 Share Posted May 28, 2010 Okay, please bear with me as this may be a little long winded. First, I'm a very shy guy. I just had a really awful break-up after my first proper relationship, which pretty much ruined my life (though with support I'll get back on track). I had a breakdown (also the result of long-term low self esteem and depression) and had to leave university and come home. At this stage, I really want to move on. And there's this girl, D, who I've liked for yeeeeears. Here's a potted history: 1. I know her for years. She flirts with me a bit, I try to flirt back but am pretty damn shy. 2. Last summer I'm in a play with her (we go to the same theatre group) and at the end of the run I make up my mind to ask her out. I don't, and feel like a * * * * . A few nights later, I got drunk and blatantly asked her out via a facebook message of all things - heya =) I was gonna to ask you this earlier but I didn't take the opportunity, and now I won't see you again until december. So: if I asked you out, in all seriousness, you would say no, right? (which I realise is not the most nonchalant way to ask a girl out). She replied Hey... thats really nice of you to ask and everything, and because i wont see you til december i was thinking maybe we should wait and then catch up in december!? (so no that isn't a no straight away! =]) x 3. I went off to university, met and fell in love with my now-ex, lost my virginity, and only occasionally chatted to this other girl. My ex knew I had feelings towards D and was jealous - I told D my ex was jealous of her, in passing, but not entirely why. 4. After six or seven months, my ex suddenly leaves me. I'm devastated, and go home for the weekend. While at home, I go and see a play D is in. Several times - this is not weird, I'm an active member of the company when at home and do this for a lot of shows. And this one was a blockbuster 5. She sees me at the show a few times and I exchange a few words, including sitting with her one night when she fainted backstage. But that was a little awkward. After the last night of the play, I go along to the after show party, and see some other old mates there. I was feeling quite good that weekend, for some reason, and when they asked me if I wanted to join them in going out on the town, I agreed. D was going too. We went to a couple of pubs. D at one point hid my drink, but then didn't dance with me. I went off with a friend who was being ill, got a pizza, then went back to D and her friend R who were sat on the pavement. R was very very drunk, me and D not so much. They were heading back, so I helped D carry R home. D said they'd walk with me back to where I was staying - a little further on from her house. As we walked, R suggested loudly that when we got me home, D should give me a "great big kiss". D said "that entirely depends on how Igelchen feels about it" and I replied, truthfully, that it was fine by me. And accordingly I made out with D outside the front door, I said "hey, we should still go for that drink sometime" and she said "we'll see!" or something similar Then she called me with something incomprehensible at about 3am and said if I wanted to talk to her I should call... 6. A couple of days later, I did. She didn't pick up 'cos she was eating, but texted me back later. We had a short convo. 7. About a week later I texted her again. Short conversation. She didn't reply to my last text. 8. Another week or so later I texted again, intending to ask if I might see her at an event the next night. She never texted back, so I left her a FB message about it, and left it at that. She never replied. I decided I'd just leave it and see how she reacted next time she saw me in person, in case I'd said something wrong. Can't think what, though. 9. A couple of nights ago I chatted to her on FB. She wanted my dad's email for something. I gave her that and asked about school and exams, and was going to ask her to come with me the next night to friend's gig nearby - she had a rehearsal that night and an exam the next morning, so it was a "sorry" and then I had to go. 10. I saw her unexpectedly last night at another show I went to support, where she'd done the lighting. After the show I was nearly going to go over and say hi, but I couldn't get up the nerve - she was with other friends, I didn't have anything to say. I kind of hovered awkwardly, and then went back, but she hugged my (Female) friend and just walked straight past me without even saying hi. At which point I had to leave with my parent. SO, bearing in mind that I don't run into this girl all that often, hang out with her even less, and so have absolutely nothing to say to her conversationally when we meet nowadays, what should I do now? I know I'll see her at a party on the 19th of June, and probably on a trip to see Wicked! on the 10th of July, and after that she's going to be in a play I'm directing (my debut) at the local theatre. Otherwise, I don't drive and am a ten-minute drive away from the town, half an hour away from the nearest entertainment I could ask her to go to with me (a cinema) with no buses available... I thought that, maybe, I could ask her friend R what D's opinion of me is... considering the somewhat mixed messages I'm getting and my clumsiness in all this. D isn't particularly shy, I don't think, but I don't think she's had a boyfriend before. She knows I like her. She also knows I've been a bit.... miserable recently, though I've taken care to avoid her seeing me too upset about the ex. I have never so much as asked for a girl's number (although I have D's) let alone successfully wooed anyone - my ex came after me. I'm completely out of my depth trying to engineer ways to hang out with her. I'm aware this post is growing longer, so I'll leave it there. General advice? And then I can get more specific if necessary... Link to comment
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