Why does this bother me?

[BobbyC]

I wasn't exactly sure which forum to put this in, either Getting Back Together or Healing After Break Up. Yes I would like to have her back, but I feel this is a little more appropriate under the healing forum.

 

It really shouldn’t, I should be happy for them. But for some reason it struck a chord with me. I heard a couple I became friends with through my ex recently became engaged. They were the couple that was anti-marriage. They dated for a while, broke up for a few months, and then dated again for several years. In total it’s been almost 10 years for them. My ex and I used to talk how they would never get married because neither of them believed in marriage. Why did I feel a twinge of pain instead of happiness when I heard this?

 

I know part of me is upset because her ex prior to me will be there. He is good friends with both the groom/bride to be. He always drove a wedge in our relationship. I hate the fact that both he and my ex will be in the wedding party. It feels like I lost in some way. I lost the girl I thought I was going to marry, the future I had envisioned, the past 4 years of my life and the woman who made me happy. I don’t know for fact that she is back with him, but this could be just the catalyst that was needed.

[jenna-is-here]

You talk about two separate things here:

 

1. You friends getting married. We have *no* idea why they decided to finally get the legal contract for the partnership that they have had for 10 years. My sister dated a guy who swore on his life he was against marriage and would never get married. He didnt believe in it and told her upfront. The next girl he dated had health insurance and to get him added, they married. It was as simple as that. Anyway, they have nothing to do with anything. People get married and divorced every day. I can see why it bothers you but put it out of your mind.

 

2. The wedding. That is annoying that the ex will be there. YOU did not lose. You had 4 years with that person. NO ONE can take that away. So what if they will be there together. They are ex's for a reason. Also, I know our minds tend to envision the worst, maybe this will be just the opportunity she needs to remind her why they are ex's. It could be the exact opposite.

[BobbyC]

Jenna,

 

Yes I am already jumping to conclusions. My mind goes into overdrive and jumps in wild tangents sometimes. I'm bothered by the fact that my first thought was not one of being happy for them, but one of pain. Pain that most likely came from the fact that her prior ex will be enjoying the good times with them instead of me.

[mirrorman]

I know that it happens, losing your mutual friends when your relationship ends. But I wonder if losing your now-ex necessarily means losing your friendship with the couple you and your ex were friendly with?

[dew]

I don't know the details of your story, but if this girl dumped you, then does it matter whether she now dates her former ex or some new guy? I mean..it shouldn't bother you.

 

I used to feel the same way towards my ex. Thinking about his former ex or some new imaginary girlfriend always made me feel jealous. But now it doesn't bother me. What he does with his life is his problem. The bottom-line is that he does not want to be with me.

 

Don't remain focused on her relationships with her former partner or any new partner.