Is it okay that he doesnt call or dont respond?

[lalarose]

my boyfriend that i see 1 or twice a week doesnt call and doesnt respond when i call him. He is like that from the beginning of our relationship but before it didnt bother me that we didnt talk everyday because it was like normal for us because we didnt really knew so much about us.. but more and more that we see each other, i would like us to talk more on the phone . Like yesterday, i call him he doesnt respond. i text him: okayy.. dont answer when i call.. and he's like : when did you call? .. i dont answer and after he retexts: that doesnt change the fact that i love you . i retexted : nevermind .. he knew i was mad and didnt even recall or whatever.. i dont understand!

 

can you help me?

[waveseer]

Intermittent responses show a lack of priority given to the relationship. Take appropriate action to adjust yourself accordingly.

[lalarose]

What do you mean?

[Daligal83]

Yes it's rude unless he has a good reason, like you're calling him during work and he can't pick up. But then he should call you back when he gets the chance.

[waveseer]

I mean, don't make someone a priority who is treating you like you are merely an option.

[Keyman]

I mean, don't make someone a priority who is treating you like you are merely an option.

 

This is how I felt with the last girl I was dating. The most important things were her and what she wanted to do and unless I ran around madly trying to contact her, I barely heard from her. The thing is, it was working for her. While I was going nuts inside, getting wound up and upset because the relationship wasn't building steadily for me, it seemed to be for her.

 

Thankfully we are no longer seeing each other as we are just paced wrong for each other. The problem with us quicker paced people, is that the slower distant paced people start to think we are needy when we want to push things along a little faster than them.

 

How about next time he doesn't answer, send him a text to say... call me darling when you have the time... and then don't get all tetchy because he doesn't call you back within 43 seconds.

[amani33]

withdraw a bit, don't call him. aim to be only reciprocal.

[penelope13]

i call him he doesnt respond. i text him: okayy.. dont answer when i call.. and he's like : when did you call? .. i dont answer and after he retexts: that doesnt change the fact that i love you . i retexted : nevermind .. he knew i was mad and didnt even recall or whatever.. i dont understand!

 

You are upset that your bf doesn't communicate with you often enough. Fair enough.

 

But the way you chose to change this, seems a bit passive-aggressive to me:

first I don't think that texting is the best option to have serious conversations.

secondly, when you contacted him, instead of saying: i need to talk to you about something, you make a snippy comment. However justified, it's not setting the right tone to induce change. when he does answer, instead of taking the opportunity to get your point accross, you ignore him (I assume 'out of revenge'?). when you do contact him again, you draw back from the conversation without ever having stated clearly what it is that you are upset about.

 

and now you are wondering why he isn't able to read your mind?

 

People are different. You have to clearly express what your needs and wants are in a relationship. Just because something is obvious to you, doesn't have to be obvious to someone else.

 

You were fine with the low key communication until now. If something has changed how you perceive this, you have to let him know and give him the opportunity to adjust his behavior.

[SandiGirl]

I am sorry that you are going through this. First, let me say that you worth so much more than this. Do NOT settle for this treatment, especially if it is something that you do not like. Now, if he had a good reason, which I doubt, like a heavy workload or is in school, than I could understand why he wouldn't be able to talk to you on a daily basis.

Relationships take time to develop and so you must be patient. You really shouldn't stress yourself out too much over this. Are you dating other people?

 

The last thing you want is for him to think of you as being weak. Men are so much more different than woman. They don't need the emotional comfort that we do. Woman tend to need more reassurance in a relationship and that's OK, but it's better to get reassurance from friends and family rather than a man. By even openning that door, you are allowing him to have some control over you. He may not necessarily even know that he has this "control" but you are indirectly letting him. You have to stop in your tracks and ask yourself this question "do I really need to talk to him as often"?? Ask yourself what you are looking for. Could it be that he is not looking for the same thing? I think you are hurting yourself more than you really have too.

 

The best of luck, you deserve better. Explore your options. We all ultimately desire happiness in relationships but we may not all go about them the same way. There are so many men out there that would find you worthwhile and want to spend time with you, it just takes time finding the right one.