At least now I KNOW its OVER.

[Betteroffalone]

Its been nearly a month since the breakup. The first couple of weeks were hell for me, and I did contact him once within those two weeks looking all desperate and pathetic.

 

After those first two weeks and 1 other set back, i didnt hear from him for a while, and was starting to accept that I wont hear from him. As soon as I hit that point, I get a text from him saying that he's missed me. So I ask him how he's been doing. He then replies by saying he's had a hard week, and I text him back asking him why, and after that i get no response. A set back. But I got over it, and i continue to try to move on.

 

I then hit the point that I kinda do and kinda dont know if I will hear from him anymore, but I start to heal and progress nevertheless.

 

And so yesterday was the day that I truly felt free from him, and I was ready to move on. I went for a walk that day in the rain and it brought out the happy me, the happy person who i hadnt seen in a while. Everything was great, work was great that night too. I even made eye contact with a new co-worker that made my heart skip a beat haha.

 

I go home seen the light at the end of tunnel so close right now, even though i know im not out of the woods yet, theres at least hope.

 

Then BAM!!! I get a text from the ex, saying "I miss you". My heart sank for a brief moment. And old feelings emerge, but not as strong as they were before, however very apparent.

 

So, i text back saying "Dont do this, im healing well, i dont need this right now". His text reads "I know and im sorry, just wish we were together".

So Im a bit upset at this point, and i reply "I was in love with you when it ended and I still am in love with you, but i just dont want to be put through the hell again that i went through the days after it ended."

 

His text after was cold and stated "thats not what im asking for, all i said was i missed you"

 

I didnt reply that night, but i felt like something had to be said. So today I texted him saying:

 

"Last night I took what you said otherwise, and i know why i did. Its because im still not over you yet. And hearing those words "I miss you" without the hope of reconciliaton just reminds me of what i lost and sets me back to the day it ended. And i dont need that. Time will heal those feelings, and thats what i need, Time.

 

He texts me immedatly saying "Alright, if you want i can delete your number from my phone so I wont be tempted."

 

And i left that decision up to him. The texting conversation ended after that, and I feel sick, not as bad as i did the day he broke up with me, but theres still something there.

 

But at least now i know I wont be hearing from him and this ending is a much more secure ending for a better stronger beginning of moving on.

[hellohello1]

good for you. you are being strong, im sorry you dont feel good still but im glad to know its looking up for you. good for you and i hope it gets better

[robot20]

You might have posted it and maybe i missed it but who broke up with who?

[Betteroffalone]

You might have posted it and maybe i missed it but who broke up with who?

 

He broke up with me. The first contact after that was made by me begging him back, to which he said no(in a nice way), but still left room for hope.

[Scorpio_Less]

You know what - your story is very typical. In alot of ways, it could be slightly modified to capture EXACTLY what happened in my particular situation.

 

I think your ex was being selfish, and just wanted to know that you were still there and that you still cared. Look at the facts; as soon as you started to really back off, you got a text. You responded (confirming that you were "still there" and you "still cared"), and then your ex went back to effectively ignoring you.

 

Fast forward a few days, you don't reach out, and he sends you another text... and what happened? This time you showed that you cared, but he STILL backed off (just in a different way) - by saying "all I did was tell you I missed you... I'll take your # out of my phone..."

 

Whatever. That's BS, and you know it. You don't deserve that.

 

I can almost guarantee you that if you create more distance, you're going to get another text saying "i miss you." But keep in mind that by responding, you're just feeding his ego - his need to know that he still has you there if he ever needs you.

 

I for one made the decision that I wasn't going to allow someone to treat me like this. What are you going to do?

[jenna-is-here]

Funny how when we just start to move on, we hear from them. It sounds like you did the right thing. He can not communicate because how else does somebody interpret, "I wish we were still together?" What the heck? He is not allowed to say that and then in the next sentence say, he didnt mean getting back together. Maybe he was trying to save face but I am sorry, if he wants you back, it is going to take A LOT more than a few txts saying I miss you.

 

You are doing the right thing, you have come this far, and I have a feeling you will bounce right back from this. At least you get to know you are still on his mind. That has got to be a bit gratifying!

[Betteroffalone]

You're exactly right, and ive even given it some thought the first time he texted me his notorious "i miss you" text, then backing off, that all hes doing is feeding an ego.

 

The day he broke up with me, he was so flawless in my eyes and i couldnt stop thinking about how perfect he was. But after that first "i miss you" incident it made me hate him somewhat, which helped me move on faster.

 

Sometime after that incident up to the day I felt free from him, I didnt want him back. I still loved him, still missed who he was in the relationship, but deep down i knew that person was gone, and therefore didnt want this new "man".

 

But it still hurt to hear from him, and hear him say that "he wish's we were together". It just brought back the memories of the relationship. The good ones, that im trying to forget and was forgetting about till he emerged them.

 

You are very right Scorpio, he is selfish, and I dont deserve that. I dont deserve to be reeled back in just before im about to be released, over and over again.

 

But one thing that ive thought about since last night was, that if he had said those words "thats not what i asked for, all i said was i missed you" a little earlier after the breakup, I would have probably sent him a really harsh text back telling him to 'F' off. But just seen how great i was without him that same day, the joy i felt, the freedom, everything, it made me done with him. Which is why the following text was more of a respectful "blame it all on me, now move along" closure text.

 

Im not 100% certain that i will not hear from him again. But what I do know is that If i do get something from him anytime in the future, I will be a lot more confident to just ignore it. Before this, I wasnt in a position to ignore him because of how i felt and where I had left it off. But now I know, and now he knows that i prefer he doesnt contact me, and he will know why I wont reply.

 

 

 

 

Haha yea, now i feel like im feeding my ego, but yea theres a lot more pain when someone breaks up with you and just forgets about you, then there is of them not able to move on so they dont let you move on either lol. It definatly brings out the true colors of the individual.

 

All he did when it came down to it was helped me move on by trying to keep me from moving on.

[brighton]

That is a really interesting point Betteroffalone. That a dumper can help the dumpee move on by making it clear that they don't want the dumpee to move on because they themselves haven't....

[ForumGuy]

Haha yea, now i feel like im feeding my ego, but yea theres a lot more pain when someone breaks up with you and just forgets about you, then there is of them not able to move on so they dont let you move on either lol. It definatly brings out the true colors of the individual.

 

All he did when it came down to it was helped me move on by trying to keep me from moving on.

Exactly my sentiments. I got the same satisfaction when my ex "cracked" when she realized I was moving on. Like you, I have now been lured back in twice, only to be treated disrespectfully, and there won't be a third time. She will be back because I can see on the net, and her kids tell me, that she is still obsessing with me. Next time though, she will have to do quite a dance before I respond at all.

 

You are doing the right thing by not responding...IMHO.

[Live-N-Learn]

My ex reached out to me 3 times in week 3 of NC. One by email, then 2 texts. She gave me the same line. I really miss you! I did not respond. I got an email 5 hours later from her best friend explaining her text saying that she meant to say she missed partying with me and that was all. She could not even send it herself! Whatever. Yeah that's the kinda girl I want to be with, not.

 

Have not heard from her since. I am so glad I did not respond. Can you imaging me responding and hearing her say oops I was drunk and feeling nastalgic and just was mising you as a friend! No thanks

[ForumGuy]

My ex reached out to me 3 times in week 3 of NC. One by email, then 2 texts. She gave me the same line. I really miss you! I did not respond. I got an email 5 hours later from her best friend explaining her text saying that she meant to say she missed partying with me and that was all. She could not even send it herself! Whatever. Yeah that's the kinda girl I want to be with, not.

 

Have not heard from her since. I am so glad I did not respond. Can you imaging me responding and hearing her say oops I was drunk and feeling nastalgic and just was mising you as a friend! No thanks

 

Mine did that too...it is a power trip and they must stay on top!!! Mine "connection" requested me on Yahoo and I ignored it, then a few days later she wrote again and said it was a "mistake". I know now that she will do anything to get me to be her friend so she can more easily screw with me. Power trip is all I can come up with for the motive for this. After some other research, low self-esteem is also likely in there somewhere.

[Live-N-Learn]

Mine did that too...it is a power trip and they must stay on top!!! Mine "connection" requested me on Yahoo and I ignored it, then a few days later she wrote again and said it was a "mistake". I know now that she will do anything to get me to be her friend so she can more easily screw with me. Power trip is all I can come up with for the motive for this. After some other research, low self-esteem is also likely in there somewhere.

 

I hear ya Forum Guy,

 

No one likes to be dumped by the dumpee, it is a power trip. We psuedo dated for 3 months post break up til I finally had enough and ended it on my terms. Told her it was fun, we need time apart, had stuff to accomplish, agreed with the breakup, said we may connect down the road again but in the meantime have a great life.

 

She responded nicely but I know she did not like getting cut off, too bad! Then last week she took one of our pictures and cropped it with me clearly still in the pic and put it as her profile pic. I went in and deleted all her pictures from my FB and now she has no pictures of us. She was untagged on all of them as soon as I deleted them. This made me feel sooooo good to do! Very liberating. I have now totally let go. I was not happy that she used one of our pics and did not get me out of it. Games.

 

I believe she has self esteem issues as well. 7 weeks or so of NC and not counting the days any longer.

[ForumGuy]

Yes, check out some typical low self-esteem behaviour on the net and you will see the similarities. But really, and I'm sure you agree, who cares? That is the next guy's problem!!

[FaceBlaster]

When he texts you he misses you it translates into this..I'm trying to get back in your panties for a booty call just in case my other one falls through..you text back then get no response it translates into..I got my other booty to come through...it's simple..and he'll keep trying till you totally ignore or give him some.