please someone talk to me..

[hellohello1]

i need someone to talk to..im just sitting here feeling the worst i have ever felt in my entire life..

[FootofGod]

Aww, I don't really have an IM! Wait! I have skype

[FootofGod]

Oh... I read im as both IM and I'm, and I realize that doesn't make sense. If you want to talk about it, tho, this is the place. How are you doing? Go ahead and let all your bad feelings and thoughts out to start.

[Blusher]

Whats the Matter? x x

[hellohello1]

im just soooo upset..just soo upset..this is so difficult. my boyfriend of over 2 years broke up with me 2 days ago because he had doubts, he says he still loves me and he wants to be with me but not the way our relationship was before ( i was controlling and jealous) i have really realzied i cannot be like that, and i told him that yesterday, and he said he felt bette,r and he loved me and he missed me, but then i asked if he wanted me and he said he doesnt wanna talk bout that, and then got mad. i sent him a text 30 min later and apologized, he said it was ok, he was making soup, i said sounds yummy, good night, he said likewise. and that was the last i heard from him. when he broke up with me he said he needed tiem to miss me, he needed tiem away from me, he has deleted our pics off of facebook, but said he saved them to his computer in case he needed to add them again.

 

he said maybe in a few days he will miss me and decide to be wtih me, but he doesnt know who he is and he is confused. he said he got "cold feet". i am so heartbroken, i do not know what to do. i just so badly want to call him. he told me that he would call me if not today then tomorrow. i cant stop thikning about him. we have talked about marriage and children several times, even as recently as last week. he doesnt like how i text him all the time, and his friend who he just visited hte past weekend is getting married and i think it scared him..i want him to want me...i dunno what to do. i know i need to give him space, its just so hard..

[hellohello1]

also, last night i randomly got a text from him saying something like "i never realized how much time there was in teh day, or how long a day is, its frightening" so i asked him what he meant, he said that without texting or seeing me there is so much time, i asked him if it was good or bad and he said neither. also, when we taelkd on the phone yesterday i asked if he was thinking about things, he said yes and i said is it good or bad, he didnt wanna answer teh question and got annoyed i was like is it bad? hes like no im like is it good? and he didnt wanna answer so i tried to let it go, its just so hard to give him space, even tho he says taht is what he wants

[FootofGod]

Oh, hey, you should be hopeful! You just haven't figured out what to do yet. Most of us here got dumped for someone else or told they didn't love us anymore, so you're already blessed.

 

Okay, you can't be controlling and jealous anymore, right? So, what do you do? Don't beg him back - don't push, it will only make him pull away. He knows you want him, so just go on with your life, and yes, I know that's harder to do than say... but saying it a lot actually makes it easier to do. He will come to you if and when he's ready, and by actually seeing your improvement, I'd say your shots are really, really high. You just have to let go an let it take care of itself - we all don't have much power. Accept the power to do what you can, move forward, and don't regret the power you don't have.

[FootofGod]

Start going no contact. Let him know it's not because you don't want to talk to him, but because you both need time and space to think about life. He's a human being - it won't be easy for him to not talk to someone he loved for so long. Unfortunately that means it'll be harder for you... luckily you found us, and we'll help you.

[hellohello1]

i understand. its very hard i have an issue with control and its hard not being in control. it just hurts so bad..we are young..he told me he wasnt going to do anything with any one else and thats not what he wanted. he added a bunch of girls on facebook, i dunno why..normally i would ask him who they were. maybe he wants to see if im goingn to change, i think he wants to prove that i dont control him or tell him what to do. and i dont want to do that, and ive realized that now!! but how can i prove im not going to be like that to him if he wont give me a chance?

[Blusher]

This is pretty messed up!

 

Well, He is still in contact with you, so thats a good point.

Maybe talking about children and stuff scared him a little.

 

Or maybe its deeper?

 

There is only one person who knows that and thats him.

 

You spoke on the phone. So he wanted to hear your voice.

 

Keep ur chin up.

 

Stay Positive.

 

Things will work out in time. x

 

You'll get your answer sooner or later. x

[hellohello1]

i have decided nto to talk to him. he said he would call or text me today or tomorrow, should i pick it up?

 

its just so hard not knowing what is going on..

[J1535]

Yea it seems like you have a good chance of getting him back. Just go NC and I'm sure he will contact you in no time. It's going to be hard but we are here to help

[hellohello1]

its so hard not to be in contact..i have a class tonight, i didnt go to work or school yesterday..its going to be hard being in class tonight..he is very busy today (has school all day and then works at night) but tomorrow he has the day off and he said he was going to play poker with his friends (he is in a fraternity) it makes me scared that theres going to be a bunch of girsl there adn hes going to do something stupid..

 

how do i get him to miss me?

 

i changed my facebook pic of me and him to one of me..

[hellohello1]

thanks guys, i appreciate the feedback and i am sorry if i am bothersome, it just hurts so bad..i have never felt this before

[hellohello1]

in the beginning of our relationship, he was sooooo sweet, he cared about me so much and it was kind of the opposite, i was the one who didnt like hwen he got jealous and stuff..and then it gradually changed i was the one getting jealous and he just wants to go out with his freidns without having to text me every 5 min. and i totally understand!! i dont want to do that. i dont want to be like that. but how can i show him that i am not going to do that if he wont give me a chance?

[Tired Tiger]

but how can i prove im not going to be like that to him if he wont give me a chance?

 

You need to step back, take a deep breath, and relax. You make your own chance here. STOP with the Facebook nonsense - block yourself if you have to - and DO NOT mention anything at all about anything you've seen there. Also consider that nobody creates meaningful change in themselves in 2 days. Read all you can here and you'll realize how many mistakes people make right after the breakup because they're frantic. Step back, give him plenty of space, and concentrate on getting your emotions under control.

[FootofGod]

its so hard not to be in contact..i have a class tonight, i didnt go to work or school yesterday..its going to be hard being in class tonight..he is very busy today (has school all day and then works at night) but tomorrow he has the day off and he said he was going to play poker with his friends (he is in a fraternity) it makes me scared that theres going to be a bunch of girsl there adn hes going to do something stupid..

 

how do i get him to miss me?

 

i changed my facebook pic of me and him to one of me..

 

Get him to miss you by not being his shoulder. Don't help HIM break up with YOU. Should you talk to him tomorrow? Sure, but don't let him toy with you. Tell him you are moving forward (not necessarily away from him) and trying to make your life the best for you, and he needs to do the same for himself. If that means being with you, then it does, but if he hasn't figured out what he wants let, don't let him pull you around in a wishy-washy limbo while he flops back and forth.

 

And you should gain a new appreciation for work and school. Those are your saving graces! My girl left me at the beginning of summer with no job... THAT sucks hard! So I went out and got a job right away, and it's been a good way to have something important to do for 6 or 7 hours!

[hellohello1]

i agree, its hard not to look at his facebook. i would never and will never say anything about what goes on there. i just wonder why hes trying to do it. how do u guys do no contact? its just so hard, its all i think about

[hellohello1]

that is true. i appreciate the feedback. i changed my profile pic of us to one of just me, and when i talked to him on the phone yesterday i said i want to go out with my freinds more, and that if we get back together that i want him to go out with his friends more and me to do the same, and not having a running dialogue of texting all day. and he agreed. i said i didnt want to have his facebook pw or go thru his phone and he agreed as well. he has answered my phone calls everytime i have called him (have not called today) i do think this is a good sign. im just so scared hes giong to go out tomorrow night with his buddies, get hammered, have an awesome time, and then realize that thats what he wants to be doing, and he likes being single

[FootofGod]

Yeah, I know it still hurts and I'm not downplaying it, but you're really one of the lucky ones here. I think you guys are already communicating well. But you gotta stick to your word - be scarce, maybe don't answer a call or two, go out with friends and have a great life! You will both be stronger together if you learn to be stronger apart.

[hater13]

ok hun, I know this is hurtful for you but really the only thing you can do right now is focus on yourself! Just give him the space he needs. Have faith.

 

If those 2 years with you meant anything to him, he'll be back.

 

much love

[hellohello1]

i hope he will be back. i really hope so. its not knowing what is really confusing..we are both confused..i want to give him space but hes all i have been thinking about, even when ive been hanging out wtih my friends. i know i cannot contact him. its just SOO HARD lol..what do i dooooo..even when im busy i still think about him..

[jenna-is-here]

My advice, pull away. Make him come to you. You can not show signs of clinginess AT ALL, it will only scare him off. Let him figure out who he is because trust me, you do not want to stay with a man for another few years if he isnt sure he wants to be with you.

 

It is not necessarily over. The more you "push" him, meaning call, text, ask questions, cry, the more he will run away. Think of it like a rubberband. The more you pull away, the more he will come after you. Make him miss you. Let a few days go by without contact if you can at all stand it.

[hellohello1]

that is true. an di do think its a good sign that he said he would call me wtihin the next day or two..and he did text me out of hte blue last night..i want to not contact him, and the last thing i should do is be clingy. that is really good advice. im just finding not contacting him to be so so difficult. all i can do is think about him..worry about what if he doesnt text me

[FootofGod]

that is true. an di do think its a good sign that he said he would call me wtihin the next day or two..and he did text me out of hte blue last night..i want to not contact him, and the last thing i should do is be clingy. that is really good advice. im just finding not contacting him to be so so difficult. all i can do is think about him..worry about what if he doesnt text me

 

It is difficult. It's very, very difficult for all of us, but it's what we gotta do. None of us are superhumans who just easily do this, it's the exact same for all of us (with a little variance). Just find that strength, be strong! We can all do it.