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The Best Tips On Getting Back Together!


getbiii

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Sorry ENA,

i love you and always will but....

 

the best tip i could give as to getting back with your love again is to stay away as much as you can from ENA!

 

but why "getbiii"? why stay away if they help me so much with my situation?

 

becaaause you have a life. and you did before breaking up. one of the things that held me back was constantly coming online every day, staying up till 4 am posting away every detail about my life or more like my lack of life and everything going on with my ex relationship.

 

i mean, don't get me wrong! ENA is a great source for help, with out it i would be lost! but i found my self posting unnecessary things that would not get me any where just hoping someone would have the magical response to all my issues.

 

as time went by i starting losing who i used to be. i had now turned into some computer freak spending all my time on here, going thru old threads of people who got back together to see what i needed, it was as if i was looking for people to guide me step thru step to get her back, when in reallity the person who she loved was me, not others. all i needed to do was to live!...

 

there is nothing wrong with that if you are a computer geek, but i wasn't! i was a guy who used to ride a bike daily and paint for hours.

 

and it just got me paranoid, every time i was with her i was thinking "do NC" "don't do NC" "shes playing with you" etc etc etc etc,

every day i didn't go into NC i was thinking "but ZORBA says the more i don't go NC the more she is getting used to him' so i would panic thinking it was too late and now she wasn't going to need me or want me

 

(zorba i love you, where ever you are=) )

 

 

sooo. like you all know...

search all you can, you will find the same answers over and over again,

 

let go,

don't beg,

go NC or NIC,

wait it out,

work out

and live life!

 

.

this is the best tip i can give on getting back together.

 

limit your internet access as much as you can!

 

honestly, it was what was holding me back.

 

 

 

 

 

please post other good tips and things that held you back or you feel held you back.

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This reminds me of recovery groups because I go to one for codependency and they have rules where people can share for a few minutes and no cross talk so you don't go for advice. Sometimes it's good to get feedback but if we get it all the time we lose our ability to really process what we're going through. We're stuck with our minds wrapped around something always looking for answers from others but if we step back and process it within ourselves sometimes we can find these answers within ourselves.

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That's how I feel like currently.

The first thing I do when I wake up is see any updates on this site.

It's funny how every one of us are seeking for the "golden answer", as if there is a secret answer to all reconciliations on ENA. We search for hours and thousands of threads, but it's always the same advice.

-GO NC

-LET GO

-MOVE ON

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That's how I feel like currently.

The first thing I do when I wake up is see any updates on this site.

It's funny how every one of us are seeking for the "golden answer", as if there is a secret answer to all reconciliations on ENA. We search for hours and thousands of threads, but it's always the same advice.

-GO NC

-LET GO

-MOVE ON

 

So true! Sometimes I think that if I change the words around a bit on Google, I'll get some new technique that I've never heard of. The one that works! Or maybe if I look at all the older threads here, I'll find the ~magical~ one! Haha...who am I kidding? I think I would be more productive sitting my butt down on a park bench, and feeding the ducks bread crumbs. Anything else, really, as long as it's not what I'm doing right now!

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does anyone have any stories about how they successfully got back together with their ex?

 

I should be in the Healing forum, as getting back with my ex right now sounds just as wonderful as eating a plate of worms. It's an old habit, hanging around here. Or denial. Or whatever. I've been in strict NC for nearly 3 weeks.

 

Anyway, to answer your question, I was successful at reconciling with my current ex, 3 times! I did the classic formula: No Contact, Let Go, Move On.

 

He'd always call. 1st time was for coffee. 2nd was a movie and shopping. 3rd was "Just checking to see what is up with you".

 

He was never the same. Ever. The sweet romantic guy from the beginning of our relationship was gone. I always felt like I had to prove myself, prove that I was worthy of him!

 

I guess it depends on the circumstances. Your story may not be like mine. The best way to get someone back, if that's what you want, is to let them go. If they care, they will come back.

 

Beware though! Sometimes they check up on you because they just feel guilty!

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i think there should be a balance to everything. i think it is ok to come to ENA but not excessively. especially during weak moments, it is safer to come to ENA than to get drunk somewhere.

 

after you got benefited from ENA, it is good to come back to encourage others as a pay back once in a while.

 

we should not drop ENA, but learn to strike a balance.

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i think there should be a balance to everything. i think it is ok to come to ENA but not excessively. especially during weak moments, it is safer to come to ENA than to get drunk somewhere.

 

after you got benefited from ENA, it is good to come back to encourage others as a pay back once in a while.

 

we should not drop ENA, but learn to strike a balance.

 

i agree. ena is great therapy and i love to help. but when it comes to solving ones own problem, it can become too much. i guess kinda like co-dependency like someone said before.

 

its also kidna like the saying, the more you say you are sick the more you really are

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I am going to agree here getbii! ENA is great when the break up has just happened. I have learnt so much and it has helped me soooo much but I feel now its time for ME to continue on here. I'll still be on this site but I have to make my own way now.

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i agree. ena is great therapy and i love to help. but when it comes to solving ones own problem, it can become too much. i guess kinda like co-dependency like someone said before.

 

its also kidna like the saying, the more you say you are sick the more you really are

 

yes agree, must not keep focusing on the sickness, if not it will grow bigger.

 

but i am really thankful to ENA, it taught me that begging and pleading and explaining wouldn't help at all in my case. i really wouldn't know by myself.

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this will be the reason that you wont be hearing from me guys... but... to all those who helped me, thank you very much and to my friends here in ENA, I wont forget you and I hope we'll still see each other here but instead of having problems, we'll be helping others... ^_^

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does anyone have any stories about how they successfully got back together with their ex?

 

This isn't my story but my friend's:

 

 

Her ex dumped her after 2 years together, very suddenly and without much reason. The break up was very traumatizing to say the least... My friend's sister went on my friend's msn and basically started a HUGE fight with her ex (at the time).

 

After the incident my friend did the usual begging, pleading, even harassing his friends and telling them to convince him to get back together.. none of it worked OF COURSE

 

So she went NC, they bumped into each other 4 months later and she completely ignored him. He sent her an email THAT NIGHT. Most of it was just fishing around, asking how she was and all of that. They talked occasionally for about 1.5 months and then finally got back together. It's been 3 years since that happened

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I agree it's very true. I love the site and it's helpful.. Sometimes I think of this place as a jail I don't want to be here and can't wait till I'm out so i don't come back.. Hahah no disrespect intended but you do start to over analyze things and then suddenly you catch yourself being addicted to the site...

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This isn't my story but my friend's:

 

 

Her ex dumped her after 2 years together, very suddenly and without much reason. The break up was very traumatizing to say the least... My friend's sister went on my friend's msn and basically started a HUGE fight with her ex (at the time).

 

After the incident my friend did the usual begging, pleading, even harassing his friends and telling them to convince him to get back together.. none of it worked OF COURSE

 

So she went NC, they bumped into each other 4 months later and she completely ignored him. He sent her an email THAT NIGHT. Most of it was just fishing around, asking how she was and all of that. They talked occasionally for about 1.5 months and then finally got back together. It's been 3 years since that happened

I keep noticing that people who have been together 1-2 years and break up usally get back together but the 4-5 range don't...

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i think this is circumstantial.

when i was upset about my ex i came on this site whenever i felt that i needed to, i made myself as busy as possible but when i had time i would come on here and post my feelings.

 

my ex and i are back together now and very happy, and this site really helped me when i was feeling low.

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I too appreciate this site very much and it has helped me more than I could imagine in getting through this painful BU. I plan to limit my time on the site as much as possible because I think I am beyond the worst of it. I will come back as needed but 3 hours a day on the site is a little too much lol

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i think this is circumstantial.

when i was upset about my ex i came on this site whenever i felt that i needed to, i made myself as busy as possible but when i had time i would come on here and post my feelings.

 

my ex and i are back together now and very happy, and this site really helped me when i was feeling low.

 

congrats

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i agree. ena is great therapy and i love to help. but when it comes to solving ones own problem, it can become too much. i guess kinda like co-dependency like someone said before.

 

There's also a natural pitfall in relying on a specific genre board like eNA (and several others) as a primary source of support. By it's very nature, the Breaking up and Divorce section (and it's sub-forums) is majority populated by people who are still dealing with their emotional aftermaths. This creates an atmosphere that can often include resentment, sense of emotional justice, and other negative projections that influence the overall 'group think'. As a matter of balance, it's productive to also seek out the advice and opinion of those currently in a stable relationship and generally emotionally positive. It's comforting to know you're 'not alone', but it can promote jaded pessimism if not balanced with positive bias, too.

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