Why don't men like to talk about their feelings?

[glucoze]

It isn't hard.

Well, I'm a female. So obviously i'd say that. But is it REALLY that difficult for men, or some men in general to talk about their feelings?

 

A guy that I care about a lot.. finally decided to open up to me. A month later after i've been asking him "what's wrong" I decided to stop and just leave him alone. Basically gave up on him entirely.. Then he calls me and he sounded so shaken up. He opened up to me, I won't go into detail.. but he said that he cares a lot about me, and he's depressed. I asked more questions and he shut down completely. The conversation was over.

 

 

[Keyman]

For some of us it's easy. But this is not just a male thing, y'know. There are plenty of women out there that can't open up and talk about their feelings too.

 

Often it's built into their upbringing. Emotions and feelings can be seen as a weekness taught us by our fathers from a time when it was seen like that.

[theStig]

Trust issues. It's harder to trust women these days.

[Atticus90]

It isn't hard.

Well, I'm a female. So obviously i'd say that. But is it REALLY that difficult for men, or some men in general to talk about their feelings?

 

A guy that I care about a lot.. finally decided to open up to me. A month later after i've been asking him "what's wrong" I decided to stop and just leave him alone. Basically gave up on him entirely.. Then he calls me and he sounded so shaken up. He opened up to me, I won't go into detail.. but he said that he cares a lot about me, and he's depressed. I asked more questions and he shut down completely. The conversation was over.

 

 

 

It's a guy thing. For us, we have to REALLY care/love them. We don't open up to people we haven't dated for a while. Takes time. He'll eventually open up to you. Took me almost a year to open up to my ex. There were times where she thought I was to much of a man to cry. Then it happened.

 

My point is that you have to encourage him and let him know that you care about him and want to be there for him. Those words helped me, and it should help other men.

[glucoze]

Yeah. Well I'm also afraid to tell him I care and that I'll be there for him, even if I will just because I don't want him to take advantage of me.

[Fudgie]

I honestly think it may be a societal thing as well. Guys from Day 1 in our society are encouraged to "suck it up" and deal with it. If a guy is shown expressing emotion of some sort other than anger or whatnot, he can be made fun of by other guys. It's harder to open up freely and without worry!

 

What happens is that some guys are unable to verbally express their feelings in a way that is constructive and helpful. It's sad. I think with time and patience, they can start though.

[Keyman]

It really just proves how crap we humans are at communications.

 

men don't want to be seen as weak, women don't want to be taken advantage of. And where does that leave us? Paranoid. Thanks society!

[Sparkly Eyes]

It really just proves how crap we humans are at communications.

 

men don't want to be seen as weak, women don't want to be taken advantage of. And where does that leave us? Paranoid. Thanks society!

 

It's not all about the society tho. I think men are generally not as emotional as women and even when they are, they just don't like to talk and go on and on about it, as much as we women do. Now I'm not generalizing here, I've known guys that are worse than women when it comes to talking about their emotions and overanalyzing things. But the majority of men that I know don't get the same kick out of it as women do, it must be something related to how our brains and hormones work.

[red_ridinghood]

Hi Glucoze, etc I am new here, this is my first post. And I have to say this in response to your question.

 

What everybody else said above is pretty true. Men have had it conditioned in to them to not show what is perceived to be 'weakness'.

 

What's worse is that, it's just as hard for a man to show these emotions in front of a woman, because of all people, NO man wants to be seen as less of a man by a WOMAN!

 

Just to clarify, I am a woman. But just my 2 cents!

[Jumping Jack]

It is often trust issues. I opened up to my friend who was female and it took a while for me to do that but then she let me down and now that trust has been destroyed and I am reluctant to leave myself vulnerable to anyone again because the one person I did it with after a long while made me feel that way.

[greywolf]

Because they have been taught not to. I think it's ironic that people complain about certain things in the opposite sex, and then they go and teach their children the same behaviors.

[Iakasot]

Guys don't talk, because girls are too picky about what they want to hear. You mentioned you weren't attracted to feminine men in another topic, right glucoze? So that should answer your question. They don't want to be unattractive. You're not the only girl who isn't attracted to men who open up.

[glucoze]

It's not all about the society tho. I think men are generally not as emotional as women and even when they are, they just don't like to talk and go on and on about it, as much as we women do. Now I'm not generalizing here, I've known guys that are worse than women when it comes to talking about their emotions and overanalyzing things. But the majority of men that I know don't get the same kick out of it as women do, it must be something related to how our brains and hormones work.

 

 

That's interesting. Maybe it's just the way our brains our?

[glucoze]

Wrong. There's a difference between men that constantly whine, complain and cry over EVERY little thing. Including things they really need to get over.

I'm talking about one guy in particular... He constantly complains and whines, he knows the answer to his problem but he refuses to do anything about it, thus he becomes annoyinng and he purposely wants to feel that pain. It's pathetic.

There's a difference between men who complain and men who just talk about their problem that's been festering for a while now.

[glucoze]

Aka why I won't date him. He needs to grow up a little. I assumed 20 year olds would have been at that level of maturity I guess I was wrong!

[Fudgie]

That's interesting. Maybe it's just the way our brains our?

 

Yep. It's been seen that men are often less verbal than women. We see this in small kids up to adulthood. How much of that comes from being raised in this society remains to be seen, but I do think there is a small difference in the brain that causes this.

[t3nder_v1ttl3s]

Men have emotions and feel them just as deeply as women I would imagine. We just learn not to express them or to express them differently because it makes men look weak and frail which causes other guys to target you and girls to find you unattractive.

[newwave]

Many men (and some women too) have been so scarred that they are afraid everyone is like them. The guy I love is starting to open up to me. The main reason he was afraid was because he got stung by his last girlfriend. It does take time to develop trust.

[glucoze]

I understand that past relationships have a factor.

[t3nder_v1ttl3s]

Many men (and some women too) have been so scarred that they are afraid everyone is like them. The guy I love is starting to open up to me. The main reason he was afraid was because he got stung by his last girlfriend. It does take time to develop trust.

 

This is true. I can attest to it. I recently had a very attractive girl start flirting in a pretty obvious way. I totally pulled away and avoided her. It’s because of some bad experiences and I know it. It does affect the way you see other women in general. Trust can be hard to form when it has been betrayed. You do start to think “they're all like that”.

[Flint_Wood]

I agree with what most people have said, guys are not raised to emote as much. There is also the aspect that men are trying to maintain an air of mystery.

 

I love to open up, but very rarely. Being selective about when to share my feelings makes feel very connected to who I'm talking with, as it's likely they are the only person in the world that knows how I'm feeling.

[newwave]

This is true. I can attest to it. I recently had a very attractive girl start flirting in a pretty obvious way. I totally pulled away and avoided her. It’s because of some bad experiences and I know it. It does affect the way you see other women in general. Trust can be hard to form when it has been betrayed. You do start to think “they're all like that”.

 

Things like this are very sad. While speaking to the guy in question he got scared because I was obviously flirting and to him, flirting (and by flirting I mean I also kissed him) means I want something, because that's exactly what the last woman did. Luckily in his case he's starting to trust me, and I hope you develop trust as well sometimes.

[Iakasot]

Wrong. There's a difference between men that constantly whine, complain and cry over EVERY little thing. Including things they really need to get over.

I'm talking about one guy in particular... He constantly complains and whines, he knows the answer to his problem but he refuses to do anything about it, thus he becomes annoyinng and he purposely wants to feel that pain. It's pathetic.

There's a difference between men who complain and men who just talk about their problem that's been festering for a while now.

 

Lol, you made a topic called "why can't I just be attracted to nice guys", and then said in it that you're always attracted to jerks. Why would you tell someone "Nope. Wrong." when it's obviously not a black and white topic, with lots of factors involved. No offense, but that signals total stubbornness and unwillingness to accept opposing points of view.

 

Jerks don't share how they feel, what their insecurities are, what their weaknesses are, what's bothering them. Jerks hold the cards with them, they don't open up. Guys who aren't quite jerks but don't like to open up, don't like to open up because guys who open up are less successful with women. It's just like people drive their car to get to places instead of walk, because they know it will get the job done faster, and they won't risk overexerting themselves.

 

It doesn't hurt if a girl stops liking you and you didn't open up, it hurts if you DID open up.

 

You're only 18, I'm only 22, neither one of us should be saying "Nope. Wrong." like we're so sure of ourselves.

[glucoze]

This is true. I can attest to it. I recently had a very attractive girl start flirting in a pretty obvious way. I totally pulled away and avoided her. It’s because of some bad experiences and I know it. It does affect the way you see other women in general. Trust can be hard to form when it has been betrayed. You do start to think “they're all like that”.

 

Soooo true.

 

It's bad though. I thought that way about guys once after one encounter with a jerk.

[Seymore]

I'll talk all about my feelings. Problem is that whatever girl I'm with doesn't want to hear it. I'm either too "sensitive" for doing so, need to "get over it" or something to that tune, and then I have to turn to my friends, family members or ENA

 

But when they want to talk about their feelings, hoo boy...get out the popcorn.