An IM from her after 12 days of nothing.

[Drwily]

After 12 days of total non contact, I just received an Instant message from her, asking me some questions. The questions are just basic things, and not relationship related... But should I answer her at all? Is it better to not show any interest in talking to her for a while? I would like to get back with her, but I don't want to do anything that would hurt my chances.

[kevyl]

say to her, i have to go ive something to do sorry. will catch you again sometime

[FootofGod]

Could you elaborate? I broke no contact to answer a few texts that were urgent and not related to our relationship, and I don't feel guilty, but I reminded her to keep them at a minimum and possibly go through others or wait if it's not totally urgent.

 

The main premise of no contact is that you're not initiating contact with them if you're in a position where you're considering getting back together. If they continually break no contact after ignoring them for a while, you have to have a point where you change gears.

[shuttlefish]

Wait at least a day and then answer with the bare minimum information. She's on a "fishing expedition" to see if you are still talking to her. Brace yourself for more of this kind of thing, eventually getting around to "are you seeing anyone?"

 

Keep it light and friendly (but not too flirty), subtly worksmith information to make it appear as though you are not missing her that much (but still a little) and that you are getting on with your own personal awesome life without her.

 

If you want her back, then you have to stay in contact to some degree.

[abitbroken]

Wait at least a day and then answer with the bare minimum information. She's on a "fishing expedition" to see if you are still talking to her.

 

I agree. Also, if it truly is important, send the response back by email. When someone has IM access to you, they think you are available at a moment's notice. Emailing puts you back in control because you can take a deep breath and think about it. if she is saying "watcha doing?" I would completely ignore it . If its important like "we have an apartment lease together and I need you to sign it over to me since you no longer live here" that is reasonable to expect you to respond to her.

[fLuiD]

I wouldn't respond unless it was a life threatening situation. If your goal is to get her back, you have to be a little mysterious and not readily available. I know this playing games, but she is playing a game herself in IMing you.

[kevyl]

i agree with Fluid. To be honest it is a game, a hard one, but you have to make her see that she cannot have your attention easily. And that you have other priorities now that arent her.