Need reassurance from fellow Mommies :)

[Shortpants]

Feeling a little funny this morning... Today is Littlepants' first field trip with daycare to a local kid's museum. On the one hand I am very happy that her daycare does things like this with the younger toddlers, and all the caretakers are great over there and I know they will all have a great time... BUT on the other hand I am sad that someone else will be taking her to her first museum, without me, and I'm scared that something will "happen" while they are away from the safe haven of the daycare center. I have been like this since LP was born. I don't trust anyone else to watch her (haven't left her with a babysitter yet... ever... not even family), even her own father has only had her alone twice since she was born. I know I'm going to be a basket case until I pick her up this afternoon.

 

How do I get over this overwhelming feeling that I can't protect her when I'm not there? The silliest thing is that I know in my head that everything will be ok, but my heart sinks to the bottom of my shoes just thinking about her being out and about without me watching. It's such a strange combination of sadness at missing out on all her firsts due to working full time and having her in daycare, and an unreasonable fear that something will happen "because I'm not here". Ugh, I hate this feeling but I can't seem to get over it. I though it would lessen as she got older, but if anything it has gotten worse.

 

She is my first child, when I thought I would never have children, so I tend to be terribly overprotective. And more than likely she will be my only child (unless I can convince daddy to have another, but I'm creeping up on 40, so I don't know if it will happen before I deem myself "too old") It would destroy me if anything happened to her, and I know how many creepers are out there in this sick world of ours. I try not to let the mind monsters get the best of me, but sometimes I just can't help it!

 

Heeeeellllllpppppp, please tell me it will be ok and I'm being silly. I honestly think I'm more sad than scared, I have missed so many of her milestones and it breaks my heart to think I'm going to miss another one.

[Catdancer]

I can sympathize! I feel the same way. But I started when Landon was about a month old and let him stay overnight with his auntie (his godparents). I was a basketcase, but the 2nd time, I wasnt as bad and the third time I was wasnt as bad. But I consider family different than daycare. I would have taken the day off and gone on the field trip. And I dont want Landon to go anywhere with daycare. I'm not comfortable with that.

 

Can you take a half day off and join their field trip at lunchtime and surprise LP?

[Catdancer]

I just realized that my post did nothing to make you feel better. Sorry! I'm a protective mommy too.

[Shortpants]

Thank you Cat, I knew you'd sympathize! LOL I wish I could have joined the field trip but it was originally supposed to happen last Friday, but was canceled due to a daycare worker being out sick. They said they were going to try again at a later date. I was notified last night when I picked her up that they were doing it today. They are only going from 9:45 to noon, so I wouldn't be able to go after lunch, even if I could manage to get time off with less than a half day's notice. Bah, I just hate feeling this way. I'm all mopey and worried... it sucks. But I would have felt worse if I had said that she couldn't go due to my insecurities. They leave in 10 minutes... deap breaths Sp, deep breaths...

[Catdancer]

Oh well, if they'll be back by noon, at least you can call daycare and check on her. That will make you feel better knowing that she's back at daycare safe and sound.

 

She will be ok. We have to give them a little freedom eventually.

[Speranza]

Post just disappeared, weird.

 

This is all part of learning to be a great Mum - I'm sure you are doing it. You know that you can't smother a child - that you wouldn't want that yourself. You know that she will grow up and live a life and do lots of things for the first time that you can't be part of, and can't be there for.

 

This is the bittersweet side of motherhood. Eventually children grow up and that's how it has to be. Imagine if you had someone still anxiously at your side! You have grown up and separated and this is how it is. Right now you are at the beginning of this process. Some find it easier than others. By nature I am like you - I used to feel this urgency to 'be there' for every little significant thing which happened to my babies - but of course I couldn't.

 

And that's ok. I learnt to love hearing about things, and I learnt to love the fact that they were little people with lives all to themselves.

 

When my tiny little girl was a teenager, she needed surgery and I walked down to the theatre, and then - I had to let her go.

 

Three surgeries. Three major events I couldn't 'be there' for.

 

She's now a woman, and I am so glad I learn to let go and let her fly.

 

You have many wonderful years of closeness and cuddles - don't resent the things you miss, just savour EVERY MOMENT you can... enjoy!!

[Shortpants]

Yeah, I always drive by when I go out for lunch, and occasionally do pop in for unannounced visits to check on her. Looks like I'm doing that today to ease my mind. I just hate this feeling and the thought I am being unreasonable in my worries.

[metrogirl]

Awww..... her first trip? That is soo sweet.

 

Try not to worry hon, I'm 173284096948% positive that the workers are going to watch each and everyone like their own little ones.

 

You are gonna give yourself a mini stroke. Breathe in, breathe out......OM.

[fLuiD]

She will be fine! There will be plenty of first time experiences for her that you won't be around to experience, and that is perfectly fine. Don't beat yourself up over it.

[Shortpants]

Thank you Speranza, Metro mama and Fluid!! See, that's the funny thing, I know it will all be ok, but I still have this tightness in my chest and pit in my belly. I'm trying not to be one of those stifling mamas that never lets her kid out of her sight, and I do know in my heart I can't be there for everything, but I still feel funny today. My baby is growing up too dang fast!

[metrogirl]

Thank you Speranza, Metro mama and Fluid!! See, that's the funny thing, I know it will all be ok, but I still have this tightness in my chest and pit in my belly. I'm trying not to be one of those stifling mamas that never lets her kid out of her sight, and I do know in my heart I can't be there for everything, but I still feel funny today. My baby is growing up too dang fast!

 

That, they do. Try to look at it like this, she is going to come home and tell you all about it (if she's vocal of course) and she will have the memories of her little trip imbedded in her mind. What a wonderful thing.

[sidehop]

She will be fine but I know the feeling

[Shortpants]

Thanks a ton Sidehop. makes me feel better that I'm not the only parent that feels this way. I just see people that drop off their kids to anyone, many times, and I wonder if I'm freakish because I don't like doing that. We've had people offer to babysit so we can have some alone time, and for one reason or another I deem them "unacceptable" and never take them up on their offers. One couple that has offered to babysit jokes about how they were going to give her candy and popsicles at 3 months old, have a drug addict daughter that lives with them that has made comments about how cute littlepants is and how much she would bring on the child trafficing market (OMFG!!! I really don't like this daughter AT ALL!!), and the whole family drops f-bombs like they are going out of style... and they WONDER why I won't let them babysit. NO FREAKING WAY!!! Only a little over a hour til I can check on her, thanks a ton to everyone that is talking me down from a mommy-meltdown!

[metrogirl]

Now you didn't have to go and tell the whole world about my offer watch littlepants. LOL

 

Seriously, I understand. I was like that with my granddaughters and their first trip and get a load of this, their mother was with them. I called her repeatedly. She finally told me "Mom, quit calling me. The girls are fine and having fun".

 

I can only imagine how I will be when my youngest grandson starts school in the fall. He's my best little buddy and I dread the day that he will be on trips without his Nana there.

[sidehop]

Wow...I can't believe someone would joke about child trafficking! I'd be royally pissed if someone ever made a comment about my daughter.

 

There are only few people we trust who are mostly wife's close friends with children of their own. We are better about going out nowadays but before we'd stay in town and would talk about her most of the time.

[Shortpants]

I know Sidehop, I had to pick my jaw up off the floor after she said that one! I was so disgusted and angry, I can't even tell you! Mind you this is also the same daughter that, last time we visited, was proudly telling everyone that she had been banned from all jails in VT because she got busted smuggling drugs into her loser BF that's in jail. This girl is a real piece of work! And Longpants still asks me why the family can't babysit. I tell him "Over my dead body, I'd rather let Charles manson babysit!!"

[sidehop]

Wow I'd say the same!

 

Like my mother-in-law. Drunk and smokes 24/7. She asks us why she can't babysit our daughter. Not exposing our child to such environment. It's so bad that any food that's made in the house smells like smoke. Ugh it's so disgusting beyond belief.

[Shortpants]

Just checked in when I took lunch and they were unloading all the kiddos as I drove by. I guess the fieldtrip was a success! I didn't bother stopping as it looked like most of the little ones were snoozing. LOL Thanks to everyone that kept me sane this morning!