Is it wrong to, give up, distance yourself from family?

[scared and alone]

Don't get me wrong, I love my family, I don't want them out of my life and I never want anything bad to happen to them, but, we all just see everything SO differently. To the point where, we can't really even talk about anything without having a stupid petty fight or serious argument. And it's serious enough stuff that I just can not compromise on, not even for them. What I mean is, while I will see them when the opportunity arises, but, I won't make an effort. And for those wondering, the issues are gay and animal rights. I care deeply about those two issues, meaning I am pro and most of my family are anti-gay and some of my family just make fun of animal rights. That just, is not ok with me and I cant pretend that it is. I wouldn't put up with it from a a potential romantic mate (thank god my boyfriend isnt homophobic and cares about animals) and I won't put up with it from family, either. I know we won't agree and I can't tolerate bashing or crude jokes, so What should I do? What would you do?

[Speranza]

Keep it all low key. Don't go there (the discussions, not the house!) and just let them be. Just as you feel you are entitiled to your opinions, they feel the same about theirs - you are all just very strong-willed people.

 

No need to fight over this stuff, so if not seeing them for the moment makes it easier, maybe - but don't lose them over it.

[RedDress]

I don't see how those two topics have to come up at all unless you are gay or are witnessing someone be cruel to animals. Rather than distancing yourself from your family, simply don't have these discussions! If they bring it up, don't engage in the argument, roll your eyes and walk away...

 

Part of relationships (any relationship) is the ability to agree to disagree. You won't always agree on every subject.

 

I think it's silly to distance yourself from your family over issues that are not an immediate concern and can be avoided.

[scared and alone]

you guys don't get it, THEY bring these issues up ON PURPOSE just to start crap. I try to avoid it, even ignore it, but THEY won't shut up about them. Even when I say NOTHING when they bring it up, they STILL go on about it. This has been going on for a DECADE. Believe me, id rather just agree to disagree, but they have to be jerks, intentionally. ANY time I talk to them, THEY start in. Hince, why i'd rather just, not talk to them.

[petite]

Why can't you just take it with a grain of salt? They have their opinion, you have yours. Accept people as they are and if you really dislike them so much, go ahead distance yourself from them, but will that make you happy?

You're all adults and should treat each other with some sort of mutual respect.

[scared and alone]

Why can't you just take it with a grain of salt? They have their opinion, you have yours. Accept people as they are and if you really dislike them so much, go ahead distance yourself from them, but will that make you happy?

You're all adults and should treat each other with some sort of mutual respect.

 

Yes I know everyone has an opinion, which is why I don't care what they say. Its just I feel I am being harassed every time I see them. And like I said, this isn't just a once or twice thing, this goes on EVERY TIME I see them and has been for the past TEN YEARS. Would that not get horribly old to you? And seriously its basically all they ever say to me. There could be 20 people there but all they want to do is give me crap about it. And yeah, it's not enjoyable for me. THEY aren't respecting me, so no, it apparently can't be mutual when they have to act like children. They need to accept ME. I don't give them crap about how they feel, yet they feel the need to give me crap ALL the time. I don't know how to say enough that the only way to avoid it is to avoid them. I mean, I can't even be on the PHONE with them without them starting in. Even my mom ans sister thinks they are annoying and it's crappy they always do it to me. they tell me to just avoid them too.

[petite]

I am confused now you said family, to me family means parents and siblings, everything else is extended family.

 

Are you talking about your extended family?

 

Bottom line is; if you feel you can't handle it go ahead and distance yourself from these people, but I find it very strange they would always go on and on about the same topic for 10 years.

[abitbroken]

Well, it is just like when people bring up politics and arguments start. If your family has provided a roof over your head and except these issues they have been supportive of you, it would be a mistake, I think, to banish them. Sometimes people tease their loved ones about things they know will get their goat. If you don't react like it bothers you, they will most likely stop. There is such a thing as picking one's battles.

 

Like the other posters said, unless you are gay (or an immediate family member is). they are beating someone up because they are gay, or they are doing something physically cruel to a pet, etc., then its similar to "talking politics". Don't let them rile you. Don't get into big long conversations about it, and change the subject. Its entertaining to them because it bothers you so much. I also think you are expecting them to accept your way of thinking. They don't. So don't try to convert them over to it. And also, try to think of other things to talk about or ask questions about things they are doing.

[abitbroken]

I guess what I was trying to think of last night is sometimes its not about cutting people out, but developing communication skills and boundaries so that you can keep your family but can learn to not take things so personally - learn some good "comebacks" that turn things around and make it light, etc.

[scared and alone]

I am confused now you said family, to me family means parents and siblings, everything else is extended family.

 

Are you talking about your extended family?

 

Bottom line is; if you feel you can't handle it go ahead and distance yourself from these people, but I find it very strange they would always go on and on about the same topic for 10 years.

 

yeah, believe me, i find it strange too I would have thought they would have quit, i dont know, 10 years ago. No, i am not exaggerating. Sometimes before I see them I think 'maybe THIS time, they wont start in' but sure enough, they do. They don't just say it, they LAUGH while doing it. In a mean way.

[turnera]

How old are you?