If you're thinking about suicide, please read.

[Trying1]

I posted this on someone else's thread and I thought I should put in it to my own thread, so that everyone could read it.

 

 

 

I lost both my parents by the age of 19 and before that they were both alcoholics who were not the best of parents at all. Before my mom died she had a brain injury and my dad and I had to take care of her, then she died(I was 12), then when I was in my senior year of H.S. my dad got into a car accident(drink and driving) and the person with him was killed and he was left with a brain injury. I was there to take care of him along with caregiver, who was only there until 6:00pm on the weekdays. My dad would forget who he was, where he was, who I was and that my mom was gone. It was horrible. Then he passed away and I was there for it all(I'll spare the details). I wanted to die throughout the course of all of that. I didn't have anyone. My grandparents are very old and lived 3 hrs away and my dad only had one brother who I never saw. My mom's side disowned us, so I didn't see them ever. I had two brothers who I hadn't seen or talked to in 8 years I was alone. I contemplated suicide all the time, but needless to say, I didn't go through with it and I'm so happy I didn't.

 

Now I've come back into contact with my mom's side of the family and my brother's. I found out I had 3 nieces and I can't imagine ever doing that to them. Suicide is a very selfish thing to do. People are very, very affected by it. People everywhere, everyday go through horrible things and they become stronger and make it through. You can too. Life will not always be the way it feels right now. I talked to my friend's mom and told her that i had thought about suicide and she told me that she had times like that when she was younger and looking back on it, those things don't seem as bad as they did then. Things WILL get better. Imagine if someone you knew took their own life. How would it make you feel? If you think that the people around you won't care, think again. You mean a lot more to people than you think. Work on your self-confidence and self-esteem. Help yourself and others. I hope this helps you.

[Sparkly Eyes]

Thanks for the post Trying. But I don't think anyone except my family would be affected by it and honestly, if it wasn't because of them, I might have done it by now.

[Trying1]

Thanks for the post Trying. But I don't think anyone except my family would be affected by it and honestly, if it wasn't because of them, I might have done it by now.

 

You don't have any friends? Why would you have done it by now? Are things really bad for you or you would just rather die than deal with life in general? Sorry about all the questions. I'm just trying to understand the situation.

[Sparkly Eyes]

You don't have any friends? Why would you have done it by now? Are things really bad for you or you would just rather die than deal with life in general? Sorry about all the questions. I'm just trying to understand the situation.

 

I do have friends, but I can't imagine them caring much. I mean sure they will probably cry and be sad for a while, but they'll get over it. Things are not really bad at all, sure a little hard but not unbearable. But I still find it hard dealing with all the worries I have for future and the problems I have now. I guess I'm just very confused and am not really enjoying life, lack of motivation too. So I've been thinking about suicide a lot recently, but I know I won't go through with it because of my parents. Almost every night, I find myself wishing no morning would come, and I love nights...because they feel like the end.

[Binoo]

I do have friends, but I can't imagine them caring much. I mean sure they will probably cry and be sad for a while, but they'll get over it. Things are not really bad at all, sure a little hard but not unbearable. But I still find it hard dealing with all the worries I have for future and the problems I have now. I guess I'm just very confused and am not really enjoying life, lack of motivation too. So I've been thinking about suicide a lot recently, but I know I won't go through with it because of my parents. Almost every night, I find myself wishing no morning would come, and I love nights...because they feel like the end.

 

I've been thinking a lot about suicide lately as well. Especially over the past month or so. Yesterday was a really rough day for me.

I would highly suggest calling a crisis/suicide hotline if you're really feeling low. I'd never tried one before but yesterday I called one and although I'm still very depressed it really did help to have someone to speak with.

[Sparkly Eyes]

I've been thinking a lot about suicide lately as well. Especially over the past month or so. Yesterday was a really rough day for me.

I would highly suggest calling a crisis/suicide hotline if you're really feeling low. I'd never tried one before but yesterday I called one and although I'm still very depressed it really did help to have someone to speak with.

 

I do have some online friends I complain to all the time,lol. I don't know why they keep answering my IMs. Talking to strangers doesn't necessarily help me. I went to a therapist not that long ago and it was a waste of time.

[meen]

The last thing someone in the fragile state of contemplating suicide needs is someone telling them it is selfish (such a cliché). It's great that things turned out good for you. But, I don't think the nieces would have missed you if they never even met you before/knew you existed? Maybe if they were your kids then the 'selfish' thing might apply, but even then a person in such state needs their load lightened instead of burdened with more accusations. Again, the 'suicide is selfish' routine is so old, so not applicable and such a cliché.

[kyivish]

I'm really happy for you trying! And I'm glad you are voicing your opinions in this world. I once heard a saying that people who suffer greatly do great things in life. I believe it. I also have a attempted suicide story as well as a very recent near death experience, its in another thread and I don't want to hijack your thread. Anyways these god awful horrible conditions that we live through give us a perspective that is much wiser than someone whom lacks that background. Whether you know it or not and whether you value it or not you have a very unique voice for this world. The more reflective you are the more you can help those around you and have a meaningful life. I picture great things for you.

take care

[Binoo]

I do have some online friends I complain to all the time,lol. I don't know why they keep answering my IMs. Talking to strangers doesn't necessarily help me. I went to a therapist not that long ago and it was a waste of time.

 

I understand. I used to chat with people on depression chat rooms and go to therapy sessions as well and they never did me any good. But for some reason having someone to speak to on the phone was a more positive experience. Maybe you would think differently but I highly suggest trying it next time you're feeling low. It's different from chat because you feel more like you're speaking to a real live person. Not that you aren't online but there's just something more comforting about hearing a voice on the other end.

And it's different from going to a therapist as well. This is just my personal view but I found when I went to the therapist I couldn't shake the fact that the woman sitting accross from me was only there because she was getting paid. I don't want to have to pay someone to listen to me. And I didn't feel comfortable sitting in a room with a stranger spilling my guts so I always censored what I said.

With the hotlines I tried the people there were volunteers. There's no payment involved. And there's still a lot of anonymity because you're not face to face. I've always struggled to voice my emotions to people but with the hotline I just rambled on about everything and I felt comfortable doing it.

[Sparkly Eyes]

hmm, that's interesting, I didn't know they were volunteers. I think it totally makes it better. Thanks for the tip.

[Trying1]

The last thing someone in the fragile state of contemplating suicide needs is someone telling them it is selfish (such a cliché). It's great that things turned out good for you. But, I don't think the nieces would have missed you if they never even met you before/knew you existed? Maybe if they were your kids then the 'selfish' thing might apply, but even then a person in such state needs their load lightened instead of burdened with more accusations. Again, the 'suicide is selfish' routine is so old, so not applicable and such a cliché.

 

 

I don't believe it's a cliche. I think it's a fact. You want to get rid of your own pain, so you commit suicide and end up causing pain to loads of other people. However, I don't believe that being selfish is the only reason not to commit suicide. In the case of my nieces, if I would've committed suicide I would've never met them and my brother would've had to tell them what happened to me(they knew who I was because my brother talked about me). All I'm saying is that now that they're in my life I'm very happy about it and I wouldn't want it any other way. Committing suicide would've stopped that from happening and I know at the time I didn't know that, but that's what I'm saying, YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE FUTURE HOLDS, so just hold tight.

[Trying1]

I do have friends, but I can't imagine them caring much. I mean sure they will probably cry and be sad for a while, but they'll get over it. Things are not really bad at all, sure a little hard but not unbearable. But I still find it hard dealing with all the worries I have for future and the problems I have now. I guess I'm just very confused and am not really enjoying life, lack of motivation too. So I've been thinking about suicide a lot recently, but I know I won't go through with it because of my parents. Almost every night, I find myself wishing no morning would come, and I love nights...because they feel like the end.

 

I honestly think it will effect your friends more than you think. I have a lot of worries about the future too, but as long as you're being proactive about it and moving forward I think you'll get somewhere you'd like to be and then you will be very happy that you didn't cut your life short. You might fall in love, have kids and think back and not even be able to imagine what you were thinking now. Or maybe you'll really change someone else's life for the better and if it wasn't for you being there, they would be in a dark place. For all you know you could be doing that now on this site. I'm sure you help people with your replies and that really DOES matter...to them.

[glucoze]

So inspiring. This kind of helps since I feel suicidal almost every night.

[Trying1]

So inspiring. This kind of helps since I feel suicidal almost every night.

 

Good! I am very, very happy to hear that. Write me anytime you want.