Getting upset not hearing from ex after a couple of days

[cherryberry123]

Well, can you afford therapy? It really really helped me when I went through a break up and I couldn't shake those crazy/hurtful thoughts that were wearing a grove in my brain.

 

Been getting counseling since January!!

[Cadence44]

People are telling me what to do, but please tell me HOW to do it from your own personal experiences. I can't believe I'm obsessing over him, this is very UNLIKE me. Being vulnerable scares me!

 

Well, I can tell you what has worked for me - NC. I've done it for the first time ever. It's been 6 or 7 months (I don't even remember) and I feel so much improved than where I've been during past break ups.

 

Having been through this a few times with you, I am pretty sure that you're going to say that you already did NC for a few months but it didn't work.

 

The thing is, I can guarantee that you were making progress while doing it. But then he reached out after those few months and you dove in headfirst, making all sorts of assumptions along the way. The only conclusion that I can see is that your NC was not long enough and that you should go back to it. Not to punish him, and not because it's something that you necessarily want to do, but because you are clearly stuck and you need to get yourself un-stuck again.

 

Your ex sounds like a nice guy, but you are all over the board in what you say to him. If it's anything like the stuff you're relating on here, you're all over the map and he must be bewildered. I think that you are digging yourself into a hole of inconsistent messages to him and it will actually be better if there is ever a possible future with him if you take several months away and get your head back on straight.

 

Have you gone back and read through all of your threads? Imagine that someone else has written those posts. What would you tell her to do?

[britomart]

You say you want to be friends in order to make it up to him. So...you're trying to be friends in order to show him how nice the new you is. That's not entirely altruistic.

 

You also want to tell him off because you feel you want the friendship more than he does, but he is giving you false hopes. To be honest, I find it hard to read anything from a " You can't push for friendship the way you want it - if you really want to be his friend you'll have to respect his boundaries.

 

That said...do you really believe a friendship is possible when you have so many expectations attached to it? You feel he is too nice to you and then you're getting upset because you haven't heard from him....sounds contradictory to me.