Getting upset not hearing from ex after a couple of days

[cherryberry123]

I hate it.

Ex and I are friends.

Breakup was a while ago...last September

The last time we spoke was May 21. I already started getting anxious after the first day. He was working for a couple of days, and his last shift ended this morning. He said we will hang out after these shifts. I haven't heard from him yet and if I don't hear from him anytime this week, I will just be really upset and angry. My frustration has been building over the last couple of months.

 

I know he has no obligation to contact me.

I know I shouldn't be upset over this.

I know I should just forget about it.

 

How can I let go of this? How do I prevent myself from getting anxious about not hearing from him! I promised myself I won't initiate contact.

[hexaemeron]

I hate it.

Ex and I are friends.

Breakup was a while ago...last September

The last time we spoke was May 21. I already started getting anxious after the first day. He was working for a couple of days, and his last shift ended this morning. He said we will hang out after these shifts. I haven't heard from him yet and if I don't hear from him anytime this week, I will just be really upset and angry. My frustration has been building over the last couple of months.

 

I know he has no obligation to contact me.

I know I shouldn't be upset over this.

I know I should just forget about it.

 

How can I let go of this? How do I prevent myself from getting anxious about not hearing from him! I promised myself I won't initiate contact.

 

Stop hiding the belief deep down that you'll get back together and put it to rest.

[Ac143]

I agree with Hex, its time to let go & move on. You are upset/angry because you are still holding on to hope you two will get back together....

[amipushy]

If you dont let go, its gonna hurt like hell when he tells you that he has found someone new. Do it now before that happens because it really is just a matter of time.

[lonelyandblue]

I thought I was the only one like this. I am in a very strange friendship/more relationship and it is very unnerving to feel like this. It is hard to let go but Hex is right so you have to build up strength and independence and just prove to yourself that you can handle this.

[cherryberry123]

I literally have a headache right now.

To be honest, I feel like cursing. I feel like calling him and saying "F U. Forget about being your friend. Remember when I said I will always be there for you? Scrap that. I deserve more than this. I can't sacrifice myself anymore, all I get are bread crumbs. Every time I try to walk away, you give me a gleam of hope. F THIS! You obviously don't want this friendship as bad as I do. I care about you, but I care too much. Have a nice life"

 

If I don't hear from his this week, I will have an urge to say this. I am so angry right now!!

[coolchick64]

I'm confused, hon. A few days ago, didn't you tell him you wanted to go NC?

[Mauxly]

Like everyone said, you are clearly setting yourself up for that second heart ache. The pain that you will feel when he starts seeing someone new will be just as bad as the original break up. You'd do yourself a favor by going NC right now.

[hexaemeron]

I literally have a headache right now.

To be honest, I feel like cursing. I feel like calling him and saying "F U. Forget about being your friend. Remember when I said I will always be there for you? Scrap that. I deserve more than this. I can't sacrifice myself anymore, all I get are bread crumbs. Every time I try to walk away, you give me a gleam of hope. F THIS! You obviously don't want this friendship as bad as I do. I care about you, but I care too much. Have a nice life"

 

If I don't hear from his this week, I will have an urge to say this. I am so angry right now!!

 

That isn't something you say to a friend. That's something you say to a boyfriend. And he isn't your boyfriend anymore, so why are you talking like he is?

[cherryberry123]

I'm confused, hon. A few days ago, didn't you tell him you wanted to go NC?

 

YES! I returned all his stuff!...and then I get a text with a I get a "what's wrong? and "My mom said she found the gift on my car. That was yours, why did you return it?

 

I DREAD THE

It makes me weak. I feel horrible. ARGH

[ToF]

I've actually experienced this same thing. And I mean EXACTLY this same thing. I can't speak for you, but I know that I was so upset because I was, indeed, hoping we'd get back together.

[cherryberry123]

That isn't something you say to a friend. That's something you say to a boyfriend. And he isn't your boyfriend anymore, so why are you talking like he is?

 

I just feel trapped. Why does he care if I remain in contact with him?! I'm an ex, he shouldn't give a ! BUT for some reason, he stills cries when I tell him "I thought you hated me". He still gets upset when I tell him I can no longer be his friend. He still tells me he WANTS to hang out with me. He still decided to post a sentimental pic on his facebook after not speaking to me after 2 months. He still decided to contact me after not hearing from me after 2 months. He still talks in that same tone of voice and same body language as he used to.

 

I have to stop torturing myself!!!!!!

 

him miss hanging out with you as well. Believe me I want to hang out"

 

[jeffacakes]

I hate it.

Ex and I are friends.

Breakup was a while ago...last September

The last time we spoke was May 21. I already started getting anxious after the first day. He was working for a couple of days, and his last shift ended this morning. He said we will hang out after these shifts. I haven't heard from him yet and if I don't hear from him anytime this week, I will just be really upset and angry. My frustration has been building over the last couple of months.

 

I know he has no obligation to contact me.

I know I shouldn't be upset over this.

I know I should just forget about it.

 

How can I let go of this? How do I prevent myself from getting anxious about not hearing from him! I promised myself I won't initiate contact.

 

Hmmm maybe you still need to leave time before contacting him? If your still obsessing contact with him n meeting up with him i'd say you still need to move on and get over him. Hopefully over time - when you've got to stage where you don't care so much whether you talk to him for a few days or not - then maybe its ok to start contact again. But sometimes it just doesn't seem to work, in my experience being friends with an ex doesn't work. Sometimes its just best to cut contact for good.

[hexaemeron]

I just feel trapped. Why does he care if I remain in contact with him?! I'm an ex, he shouldn't give a fcuk! BUT for some reason, he stills cries when I tell him "I thought you hated me". He still gets upset when I tell him I can no longer be his friend. He still tells me he WANTS to hang out with me. He still decided to post a sentimental pic on his facebook after not speaking to me after 2 months. He still decided to contact me after not hearing from me after 2 months. He still talks in that same tone of voice and same body language as he used to.

 

I have to stop torturing myself!!!!!!

 

Okay, enough about what he wants? What do you want? Honestly, what do you want?

[Charge]

You need to let go. I know...it's easier said than done. But seriously - what exactly is this glimmer of hope he gives you? And if he broke up with you in the first place, then he's already shown that he can put himself way before you. Maybe you thought you could be just friends, but the fact that you're feeling this angry that he hasn't gotten back to you shows that you are not. Go no contact for awhile and then see how it feels. He may make you feel good for awhile, but he'll stop talking to you all over again, and you'll be crushed all over again.

 

Delete his phone number, facebook page, etc...anything that will get him out of your face. If he initiates contact, ignore it because to be honest, you're doing what's best for HIM, not YOU at the moment, and seems to be making you crazy.

[cherryberry123]

Okay, enough about what he wants? What do you want? Honestly, what do you want?

 

I want to stop obsessing and be able to take things as they go. Just go with the flow.

I want to be able to work up the courage and tell him EXACTLY how I feel, but I fear rejection

I want him to open up and tell me exactly what is running through his mind, 'cause it doesn't make much sense AT ALL

I WANT him back, but I NEED to get out of lala land and into reality- He is gone and we are friends.

 

You need to let go. I know...it's easier said than done. But seriously - what exactly is this glimmer of hope he gives you? And if he broke up with you in the first place, then he's already shown that he can put himself way before you. Maybe you thought you could be just friends, but the fact that you're feeling this angry that he hasn't gotten back to you shows that you are not. Go no contact for awhile and then see how it feels. He may make you feel good for awhile, but he'll stop talking to you all over again, and you'll be crushed all over again.

 

Delete his phone number, facebook page, etc...anything that will get him out of your face. If he initiates contact, ignore it because to be honest, you're doing what's best for HIM, not YOU at the moment, and seems to be making you crazy.

 

So, if he decides to contact me this week I ignore it?

 

I AM doing what's best for HIM. I feel like I should treat him the best that I can. I drove him away from the relationship, and I feel like I should make it up as friends.

I admit it, I belittled him during the relationship ALOT.

[hexaemeron]

To get your peace of mind and serenity, you're going to have to confront the possibility of losing him completely. You deserve the right to say what you feel, but he has every right to listen and then leave.

 

But you need to be heard, so definitely, speak.

[brandnewday47]

CB,

 

Just looking at your emotions right now, for the really short term you need to get a handle of them... easier said than done - believe me I know. It seems your in constant threat avoidance mode. If your up for a good read, this article helped me when I was really freaking out and couldn't control it:

 

link removed

 

I'd only apply this to yourself for now, and maybe get a better understanding of things. Keep your head up, ok?

[Lastchallenge]

Man... I wish I had this kind of power over any x...

This is just brutal

[hexaemeron]

Man... I wish I had this kind of power over any x...

This is just brutal

 

I don't think that's a very helpful attitude to the OP, or to yourself.

[cherryberry123]

If you dont let go, its gonna hurt like hell when he tells you that he has found someone new. Do it now before that happens because it really is just a matter of time.

 

He did tell me back in December. Hurt me like crazy, but I let it go. When I finally was healing, I was surprised to get an email from him. I never questioned about this mysterious girl and a part of me feels like she never existed.

 

To get your peace of mind and serenity, you're going to have to confront the possibility of losing him completely. You deserve the right to say what you feel, but he has every right to listen and then leave.

 

But you need to be heard, so definitely, speak.

 

I think I need to be more firm. I tried texting him before saying "I need to talk, can we meet?". He replied and said "sure. how about today?". Unfortunately, i rejected the offer because he could only see me for an hour...and i didn't want to be rushed. I immediately texted saying "I just needed to talk.I don't think I can remain friends...I need to meet up to talk to you sometime". He didn't seem too eager to talk about it since he didn't mention a day.

[cherryberry123]

Man... I wish I had this kind of power over any x...

This is just brutal

 

that is a horrible thing to say.

I'm sure you have endured something similar...but probably not to this extent.

This is a horrible feeling to not feel strong enough to let go and walk away when an ex gives you one of these:

I wouldn't wish this torture upon anyone.

I feel like I have endured enough, and want to be freed from these chains.

[Cadence44]

Cherry, I know you're struggling, but I think if you look back at all the threads you made over the past few weeks you will see how repetitive they are.

 

You always come back posting about the sad face texts, or how he doesn't hate you or how he said yes to hanging out! And somewhere in there is a disconnect, where your brain is automatically translating all of these things to mean imminent reconciliation. Really, they are much more vague than that. All those signs mean is that he likes you as a person and that you had an emotionally charged relationship. He can feel these things and not want to get back together.

 

You've got to get yourself out of this feedback loop.

[cherryberry123]

Cherry, I know you're struggling, but I think if you look back at all the threads you made over the past few weeks you will see how repetitive they are.

 

You always come back posting about the sad face texts, or how he doesn't hate you or how he said yes to hanging out! And somewhere in there is a disconnect, where your brain is automatically translating all of these things to mean imminent reconciliation. Really, they are much more vague than that. All those signs mean is that he likes you as a person and that you had an emotionally charged relationship. He can feel these things and not want to get back together.

 

You've got to get yourself out of this feedback loop.

 

I know I keep posting the same thing. I know it. I've been told many times before.

I know I should stop having these thoughts, but I don't know how to prevent it from coming back.

People are telling me what to do, but please tell me HOW to do it from your own personal experiences. I can't believe I'm obsessing over him, this is very UNLIKE me. Being vulnerable scares me!

[Mauxly]

People are telling me what to do, but please tell me HOW to do it from your own personal experiences. I can't believe I'm obsessing over him, this is very UNLIKE me. Being vulnerable scares me!

 

Well, can you afford therapy? It really really helped me when I went through a break up and I couldn't shake those crazy/hurtful thoughts that were wearing a grove in my brain.