Total betrayal. I don't get it at all.

[Crystalfox.]

I spent a year and a half with my girlfriend, and we always seemed to get along. I gave unconditional love, and a lot of my time and money. I drove her around on errands, helped her with forms, I even bought all kinds of things for her, because I expected our relationship to end in marriage. I thought we were well on the way to that, I had bought the ring and everything.

But then I discovered she had been using me the whole time. Everything was a lie. She made fun of me when talking to her friends, cybered with people in text messages, invited other guys over to her apartment when I was not around, and then as soon as I showed up she would be the sweetest thing in the world, In reality, she just wanted me to take her out for lunch.

 

I gave up a year and a half of my life, and several thousand dollars to her. I even helped her move, twice. I bought her a bed, a computer, a puppy, and all kinds of clothes, which I gave freely as gifts for various occasions…. I took her out to eat all the time, to movies, and did all the date stuff… I honestly thought she loved me. It may have been so at first, but she must have given up on me months ago, and decided to keep me around for my wallet.

 

But now I’m feeling so betrayed I want to march over there, get every thing I ever gave her, and take it all to a pawn shop. Every last birthday, Christmas, Valentines, and “Just Because” gift.

 

Either way, I think the relationship is over. My heart is breaking, and the stupid thing is, I still have a faint hope we could patch things up…

But the thought of how much she used me hurts the most. I just can’t let her get away with this. What should I do?

[metrogirl]

Wow, that really sucks.

 

May I ask, how you found all this out?

[TSandullo]

Welcome to ENA friend.

 

I just can’t let her get away with this. What should I do?

 

don't do anything silly like trying to get revenge.

 

I am sorry you had to experience an ordeal like this with someone you cared about a lot.

I am guessing you both have broken up?

If so, congratulations, as I believe you have saved yourself further heartache.

If not, END IT NOW. I know I sound harsh, but honestly, is this a person you want to be with?

 

Any self respecting individual will say no.

 

There is no turning back time, so simply accept the fact you've been taken on a ride time and time again.

 

I am surprised at how you did not notice her mannerisms earlier. Were these all a recent revelation? Either way, the guys coming around thing would be a huge red flag for me.

 

Accept it. And move on now.

 

And don't ever let anyone walk over you like that ever again.

 

I honestly believe that you are one of those excessively nice folk and she has literally walked all over you and taken advantage of you.

 

Leave this woman behind and never look back.

 

Feel the pain for now and in time, the hurt and humiliation will pass.

You will come out wiser and healthier.

 

I hope you meet a woman who respects, values and does not take advantage of you.

 

TC and all the best. We are here to help you on ENA.

 

TS

[Crystalfox.]

Wow, that really sucks.

 

May I ask, how you found all this out?

 

She left her phone laying around one day after I took her to work. Someone sent her a dirty text message. Guess what? I took a look at her message history and figured it all out. A few of her friends confirmed things for me. It all started about 3 months ago.

[Lady Rashomon]

I'm so sorry you went through this. But given your emphasis on spending time and money on this woman, it sounds like you may have mistakenly seen this as "proof" of your love. Which isn't to say that you don't sound like a truly generous person, but I also think it's immature to believe that money can somehow buy you love. I don't think there's anything wrong with demonstrating generosity in a relationship, but it sounds like you went a little overboard--to the point where this woman took you for granted and perhaps saw you as little more than a piggy bank. And unless this woman was completely duplicitous, I am a little astonished that you didn't sense something was amiss.

 

I hope this doesn't embitter you against women, because there are plenty of us who prefer sincerity, kindness, quality time, and understanding over creature comforts. Perhaps in your next relationship, you can focus on cultivating the latter.

[donewithitall]

I was in a similar situation. I paid for him to come visit me, paid for him to come on a trip with me, paid for some clothes and various things. He wanted me to pay for more (asking for me to pay for a car, classes, etc). In the end, when he broke up with me, he told me that he only saw me as a FWB. I wasted two years of my life on this guy.

 

You know how I am getting over it? By forgiving him for being who he is and by forgiving myself for not seeing him for who he is.

 

You need to let her be. Don't try to get revenge. It's not worth it and she's not worth it. You need to live your life to the fullest and not let her and this experience bring you down a dark path.

[Crystalfox.]

Welcome to ENA friend.

 

 

 

don't do anything silly like trying to get revenge.

 

I am surprised at how you did not notice her mannerisms earlier. Were these all a recent revelation? Either way, the guys coming around thing would be a huge red flag for me.

TS

 

I never noticed a thing, or anyone else for that matter. It's like she had two personalities, one she switched on for me and my family and friends, and another for everything else. She would talk about our future constantly, encourage me to be with her, call constantly just to talk, and when she was good, she was very very good.

 

But I never saw any guys. I heard about it all from her friends, weeks after I had started to become suspicious.

 

And revenge? nothing more than taking everything that I had ever given her until it would seem I was never there to start with.

[TSandullo]

And revenge? nothing more than taking everything that I had ever given her until it would seem I was never there to start with.

 

The only thing you can take from this ordeal is the experience and the wisdom gained.

 

donewithitall is correct about you having been take for granted. Be loving and nice, but don't overkill.

[KG]

IMHO, I'd try to get the stuff back. Not violently, but so you could feel some peace, and recoup your losses.

 

Is there any way to do that w/o anyone getting hurt in the process?

[TSandullo]

IMHO, I'd try to get the stuff back. Not violently, but so you could feel some peace, and recoup your losses.

 

No.

 

What do you suggest he do?

Tell her to barf out all of those dinner's? Dismantle the bed? Memory zap the movies? Kidnap the puppy? Unplug the computer?

 

And what about the immaterial things he offered her like his time, affection etc?

 

Getting back whatever you gave to her won't give you peace of mind.

Even if every dime was retrieved, would you be happy? I think not.

 

TS

[Crystalfox.]

IMHO, I'd try to get the stuff back. Not violently, but so you could feel some peace, and recoup your losses.

 

Is there any way to do that w/o anyone getting hurt in the process?

 

Easy. I have the key to her apartment. She just needs to go to work, and I come in with my truck and toss everything in the back. She would come home only to see what it would be like if I had never been there for her. I'd feel a little bad, because one of the things I bought her is her bed. But sleeping on the floor might do her some good.

The puppy is the real problem. I'm just not cruel enough to give it away, but if I keep it, It will just remind me of her.

Mostly I'm just angry. I dont want her to feel she can go around doing this kind of thing to people without consequences.

[metrogirl]

Women like her make it harder for good women to find a decent man.

 

I wouldn't even be bothered with trying to get the stuff back. Better to just walk away, with your head held high and be blessed that you didn't marry her. She probably would have married you just to take your 401k.

[kyivish]

I'm very sorry to hear your story crystalfox.

My ex cheated on me and left me for the guy. So I know the feeling of wanting revenge. I really want that guy to know that he can't take my girlfriend, my first love, home after I leave. But the good news is you can get the best kind of revenge by doing nothing. Theres a thing called cause and effect. She uses people, the effects of this is that she'll never have a meaningful relationship, at the end of the day she'll be alone, on the inside she's very ugly. Nothing you do can be worse than that.

 

I want to fight the guy so bad...the truth is I'm a better man than he is, I have morals and character...he doesn't, I win!

Your ex is a selfish * * * * * , who obviously has no moral fiber and very little character if any at all...you however are kind and reflective and gave your love and opened your heart...whose the better person? You win!

[Maverick44]

Women like her make it harder for good women to find a decent man.

 

I wouldn't even be bothered with trying to get the stuff back. Better to just walk away, with your head held high and be blessed that you didn't marry her. She probably would have married you just to take your 401k.

 

I disagree with the part about not getting his stuff back.

 

CrystalFox - Just like you described, go at a time when she is not there and go get your stuff. I believe you can still walk away with your head held high. You just walk away with your stuff.

 

IMO, too many times we say things to the effect of "walk away with your head held high by doing nothing". He's not going to harass her or torture her - he is going to get back things he purchased for her while she lied to him.

 

I say get it back, sell it, and take that money to go buy some of things you could have if you had spent that money on yourself in the first place.

 

Just my $.02.

 

Maverick

[hockeyboy]

That sucks and I'm sorry.

 

But this sounds like it was a 1 way relationship. You doing all kinds of things for her, buying her everything she needs and wants. I hope you learn from this and don't find yourself doing that again with the next one.

[Crystalfox.]

That sucks and I'm sorry.

 

But this sounds like it was a 1 way relationship. You doing all kinds of things for her, buying her everything she needs and wants. I hope you learn from this and don't find yourself doing that again with the next one.

 

Sad to say, she did reciprocate for a time. She got me things for birthdays and holidays days as well, though not as many "just because" gifts, and not as expensive, for sure. I bought her several things because she had need of them. Her computer starts to crash, I got her a new one for her birthday. Her bed gets infested with bugs, new bed. Clothes were just for fun, and she got me clothes as well. The puppy was just to be nice.

As best as I can tell, she got bored with me several months ago, but instead of being decent and saying it was over so we could both move on, she decided to be manipulative and get as much out of me as she could, all the while she was talking to other guys.

I may let her keep the clothes I got her, just because I will probably keep mine.

[metrogirl]

Can I just say that I don't think it's a good idea to use her apartment key to get your things back.

 

She could end up being very vindictive and have you arrested for burglary. She can always tell the police that she asked for her key back and you refused.

 

Don't go that route. I know you are mad and probably very hurt and in the end, she'll get hers. It's called Karma.

[Crystalfox.]

Can I just say that I don't think it's a good idea to use her apartment key to get your things back.

 

She could end up being very vindictive and have you arrested for burglary. She can always tell the police that she asked for her key back and you refused.

 

Don't go that route. I know you are mad and probably very hurt and in the end, she'll get hers. It's called Karma.

 

I kept the recipts. Burglary it would not be.

[kyivish]

I kept the recipts. Burglary it would not be.

 

I seriously would advise you to contact a lawyer and get a professionals opinion....we are talking not only about your freedom but also your reputation.

[lia86]

I wouldn't try to get the stuff back. It looks childish. When we break up with someone, they have so many intangible things we gave them anyway, like our hearts, our trust, our emotional security, etc. Just throw the material items on that list as well, accept the loss, feel the pain and move on.

 

There are lots of women out there who appreciate that kind of sweetness. She's going to regret being so stupid.

[Cheetarah]

I'm really sorry to hear what you're going through. I had been in a weird situation myself about 5 years ago, shortly before I was first diagnosed with panic disorder. I didn't know what was wrong and I had all this anxiety, breakdowns, I was constantly worried all the time, thought something was really wrong with me. I thought my ex was standing by me, turns out he was seeing someone else when he was going to 'work', and he was also making fun of me to the new woman and her friends. How I was crazy, a hypochondriac, even spilled some very dark things from my past - All the while painting on a nice face at home. Blew my phone bill up to $1000 yapping to her, stole money from me for trips to see her... When I found out(we were living together), I made him leave and I gave him back all his crap, INCLUDING the things I had given him.

 

How I view it - It's just stuff. He gave me stuff, too. And at the emotional price it would have cost me to pick and dig, prolong the crappy way I felt, I just said screw it. My emotional health and need to cut ties were far more important than some material things. Besides, getting those things back wouldn't have made me feel any better. No longer than 2 minutes, anyway. In the end, everything would have still been the same, just plus a few dollars.

 

I know you likely don't want to feel like you ever gave ANYTHING to this woman, material or emotional. But you did, she did too, and that's it.

 

The people who do that stuff will later on kick themselves in the butt over it. It happens, whether or not you ever hear about it is another thing entirely. My ex still tries to contact me to this day, but I don't respond. I'm not upset anymore, but I have not forgotten. I have nothing to say to him.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

You gave all those items to her as gifts and therefore they now belong to her. You would open up a big can of worms for yourself by going over there an taking them back. Instead, use this as a learning experience...that it is nice to get gifts for a partner but within reason...big ticket items such as computers and beds are a bit too extravagant to give as a gift...also, gifts should not be a constant thing. Someone should be with you for your company not for the gifts and a ton of freebies.

[sphx26]

Gee man, that totally sucks! I'm sorry to hear that.

Basically I'll be summarizing most posts on here: yes, do not bother to get the stuff back as it is a loss that can might as well go with the trust,love,etc. that you had given her. Be thankful that you woke up to the fact sooner than later.

Wait for karma, and besides, from the looks of it, she doesn't seem to know what love is all about. She sounds immature so I guess it will do you good to forgive her for not seeing her for who she is. Take care!

[Hopesfall]

I would just walk away and never look back.

[Lastchallenge]

Easy. I have the key to her apartment. She just needs to go to work, and I come in with my truck and toss everything in the back. She would come home only to see what it would be like if I had never been there for her. I'd feel a little bad, because one of the things I bought her is her bed. But sleeping on the floor might do her some good.

The puppy is the real problem. I'm just not cruel enough to give it away, but if I keep it, It will just remind me of her.

Mostly I'm just angry. I dont want her to feel she can go around doing this kind of thing to people without consequences.

 

 

Just make sure that doesn't count as breaking and entering or residential burglary because you gave her the stuff... The last thing u need is to be charged with a crime