Telling parents their child is lazy

[greywolf]

I tutor part-time and a few of my students really need the help because they're struggling with the subject, but for the most part, the students that I have don't do well in school because of laziness. Whenever the parents of those students tell me that they're not sure why their child isn't doing well in school, I'm never really sure how to talk to them about it. I don't want to insult their child, but I want them to know why their child isn't doing well so that they can correct it.

 

How can I tactfully communicate this to them?

[DN]

Tell them their child needs to work harder. I would not sugar-coat it too much or they won't do anything about it. It's in the child's best interest anyway.

[Kumatora]

Grey, you are not insulting their child if you are pointing out examples of how their child can work harder and behavioral issues he/she gives while you tutor them. The only downside is that if you do tell them it could kill your business since they may decide they are wasting money on a tutor when their child isn't taking school seriously.

[Celestialagape54]

I agree with DN, I have tutored before and believe when they see their child is not doing as well as they hope most of the time the first person they tend to blame is the tutor. You are not being rude if you are just telling them the truth.

[savignon]

I had a hard time with this when I started teaching and learned a lot from my phenomenal colleagues. Tell the parent that the child is not motivated and if they ask for a suggestion, ask what the child's "currency" is (videogames, time at the mall, watching TV) and let that be a reward instead of a given. The child can earn those things by completing his/her work, raising his/her grades. Kids who have everything given to them are typically unmotivated and entitled to boot. I have some LOVELY students this year and without them, I would think we're all in big trouble as a society given some of the other things I see.

Best wishes.

[greywolf]

Grey, you are not insulting their child if you are pointing out examples of how their child can work harder and behavioral issues he/she gives while you tutor them. The only downside is that if you do tell them it could kill your business since they may decide they are wasting money on a tutor when their child isn't taking school seriously.

 

That's ok. Most of them would still need help anyway because they're so behind, but I can't help them unless they actually try.

[savignon]

I can't help them unless they actually try[/b

Why not say that? It's true and not insulting to the kid.

[KG]

GW,

Tell them nicely, it's what you are being paid to do. You tutor, evaluate, report.

[CSB]

I think it would be helpful if you could back up what you are saying with examples.

 

"I feel like A isn't working up to her full potential. When I ask her to do this, she says he'll do it later, but never gets around to it."

 

"When I tell B what would be a better way to study, he says ok, but never actually uses that technique. I feel like he isn't trying to do any better in school and I'm not sure how I can help if he doesn't listen to what I say"

 

Things like that are not insulting, they are giving specific examples so that there is no room for the parents to think you are picking on their child. I think that's the best way to go

[Citlali]

While it's not good to "sugar-coat" a laziness issue, it is not very smart either to straight out say, "You have a terribly lazy child." The best way to do it is to first stress the child's strengths to the parents: i.e. "They understand the subject very well", "They have demonstrated strong analytical/writing skills", etc. but then add, "He/She could be doing much better if he/she put in more effort by [and then insert the problem, such as not doing homework, not spending enough time doing homework, paying attention, etc.]." after tutoring at USC as an undergrad, then on my own, and then for a private academy, I can tell you that if you are too forward about this it might come off as rude to the parents and it might affect your relationship with the child (because be sure the parents will bring up that you called the kid lazy), which would in turn affect your ability to get through to the child, which would then defeat the purpose of having said anything to begin with. Good luck.

[FathomFear]

I would be careful of resorting to the "He's lazy" way of explaining a lack of effort. I'm sure that's true for some kids, but many also suffer from a lack of motivation. They're entirely two different things which look and feel the same on the surface. Part of the task of being a teacher or tutor is finding out what motivates the person and lighting that fire.

[jimbojones100]

Tell them there may be a problem with "motivation".

[oldenoughtoknow]

Grey, I've read enough of your posts to know that you are capable of being tactful (when you want to ). I've been involved in education here and there throughout my career, and I am also a single parent with my two kids full time. I think Sauvignon had some great ideas.

 

The fact that your parents are sending their child to tutoring is a great sign that they are good, caring parents. But many times, in today's constantly busy world, parents would rather throw money at the problem, rather than doing the hard work - the "parenting" - that's desperately needed.

 

I would call them on the phone first, and suggest that you've noticed that their child may need to improve their study habits. If presented properly, you have a good chance to coax/goad them into tackling the issue. Don't place blame anywhere. Come from a perspective of "wanting to help and do what's best for the child." Mention you've noticed that more often than not, the child hasn't worked or shown improvement on any assignments you've given them in between sessions. Then inquire as to the student's study habits. How often do they see their child working on assignments at home. How often do they see their child playing, laying around, playing video games, etc. Then, offer help. Suggest that they come to pick their child up 10-15 minutes early from their next session, and you can all talk with the child and develop a study plan together.

 

Again, it sounds like your parents are caring and are willing to help. But not surprisingly, the child is most likely responding to certain embedded traits of the parents (busy, lazy, tired at the end of the day, lacking in certain areas of responsibility, whatever). Consequently, they don't put any requirements, let alone teeth, into their child's need to study. Your phone call will provide an alert to the problem and, most importantly, help to provide a solution. I think that would be the best way to get them to buy in and subsequently follow up on the situation.

 

Good luck.

[ghost69]

don't be shy grey. be straight up. 'your kid is lacking focus and it's hurting their accomplishments.' if i was a parent i'd be interested in what you have to say after that.