unknown100 Posted May 24, 2010 Share Posted May 24, 2010 I recently had a tumultuous relationship with a man for 1.5 yrs. We loved each other very much, or so I thought. Every time I tried to break it off, he would come after me in a heart wrenching way to stay together. It ended ultimately because I was hesitating with the marriage commitment - there were too many red flags, and I just didn't know what he was hiding - he lied a lot, even about the smallest things, and I wasn't sure who he was sexually. He seemed to want me to believe that he had a low libedo (though for months we had a great sex life) and I was regularly rejected when I made a pass for sex, and we just weren't having sex very often - when we did, it was on his decision and mostly it was me doing all the work. Additionally, I would have to push to change things up or get him to do pleasurable things for me. (I should mention, after one incredible session we had earlier on – he said strangely that: it was phenomenal but it couldn’t be repeated. I never understood that and why he would create such a ridiculous rule. Maybe it uncomfortably resembled something else in his life? Read on.) There was so much manipulation, etc. So, without getting into the details, I knew somehow I was being messed with, and I wanted to figure it out, but I didn't think (or maybe I just kept telling myself that) he was cheating. Even post breaking up, I wondered if it was the right thing to end it, but mostly I just wanted to know what happened. Weeks+ later I found his escort reviews online! I read what he did to them, what he thought of them, how much he paid them, etc. Stumbled on more details, then more details...and here it was, while he was depriving me of sex, he was out searching for, planning appointments with, and paying hookers to have sex with him....and regularly - many many times throughout our time together. Thanks to him I have now slept with tens of prostitutes who have slept with hundreds of men. Aside from being angry about the cheating, I think he is so evil. I kept traumatizing myself (and he knew this) over figuring out was wrong, what happened, was it me?, is it this?, is it that?...I compromised my needs for him, I doubted myself for him, I blamed myself for him, I felt guilty for questioning his actions, I endured so much relationship stress and resentment towards him, etc….all the while he was cheating with escorts and porn stars - taking sex away from me and giving it to them. And could their sex be better than mine? I doubt it, though I am curious what they offer that is better enough to risk my health for -I am beautiful, open sexually, fun in bed, and have a great drive. He had these expectations of me to be loyal, not talk to my friends about the relationship, have a conservative sexual past, etc. etc.....and there he was a fraud, liar, and sexual deviant. He had been doing this what looks like could be almost weekly for at least a year before he met me - and he played himself off like sexually conservative when we met. Saying he didn’t have a long list of partners in his past [“I would never (have never) cheat(ed), that would be disrespectful” – and people who cheat are “flawed”, and the now comical statement: “Sex is emotional for me, unlike a typical guy”…hahahahahahahahaha]...meanwhile he was a male, cheating, hooker-worshiping, sl*t. At least I could respect a man that asks for an open relationship or makes certain kinky requests – but he portrayed a holier than though façade and wanted it both ways – to have a faithful girlfriend with moral standards and the ability to do whatever he f’ing wanted on the side. In his same breath asking me to move accross the country with him, I expressed that our sex life was one of the major issues holding me back - and his response..."it is what it is", “I am sorry I am not good enough for you or enough for you sexually.” (He was always trying to make it my fault, and I think he used that to justify his behavior in his head.) Thank God I dodged that bullet and I didn’t contract anything or stupidly marry him - but what gets me is that he is already online looking for another nice girl to fool into thinking he is some wholesome and honorable guy, and I am sure he has created a new secret e-mail and screen name to continue his “secret deviant” behavior. - Most of all though, it kills me that I have no recourse, since we were already over when I found out. He lost nothing. When I was learning all of this, for weeks I was angry and seething...now I am calming down, but the pain is so deep - that someone who supposedly loved me could disrespect me so inexcusably and could steal so much time from me unfaithfully. He could have given me a serious STD, since we were completely unprotected (I thought we would end up married) - and at the same time he wanted me to give up my sex life for him and live with the anxiety of trying to understand his behavior and distance. It's cruel. And, I am just shocked that this is the kind of person I shared a bed with. How did someone like that even enter my life? I have a pure heart and nothing but good intention and I gave him so much (even sexually), and he treated me like that - and with no conscious, especially given that he kept doing it over and over again. Sadly, I think he probably blamed me too for his behavior, and justified his actions as something he did to spite me. How does he live with himself? He is a disgusting human being. And the same with all men like him - and there are so many - just check the chat rooms of the guys trolling those escort sites. I thought I was good at picking the good men, never giving any man anything I didn't think they deserved - and I gave everything to a complete fraud. I feel completely violated, shocked, used, and betrayed. The sad thing is relaying my disgust of him didn’t hurt him in the least. He only cares about himself. And, I doubt he ever loved me. He just wanted a wife to make him appear to everyone else that he was normal. Link to comment
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