Does he even want to be with me?

[Brandi_Nicole]

Me and my boyfriend have been dating for almost 4 months now and lately it has seemed like he don't even want to be with me. At first it was great. We seen each other every day and talked non stop. But as time went by he seemed more distant. He is always busy or don't have the gas to come see me. I live 10 min from him. When i text him during the day he never answers me. He will ignore me. Then when he finally does answer me after several messages he is mad at me for texting him so much. And when I tell him that if he answered me I wouldn't text so much. When I ask him if he even wants to be with me he says he does. But he does not act like it. It just seems like I am in this relationship alone. I do not know what to do anymore. What should I do? Or does anyone have any advice for me? Because I want to save this relationship and stay in it because I really like him. Help please!

[ghost69]

you text him and told him if he texted you back you wouldn't text as much? that would drive me nuts.

 

but if you aren't feeling it from the other side, why stay in the relationship? 4 months is the about the time people start to move on if it's not going to work out. it sounds like it's not working out for YOU. you aren't getting the attention you want. you can always move on.

[Brandi_Nicole]

well see the thing is his parents didnt even know he had a gf till last month...and i still have not met them..its like he is ashamed of me or something. and we never get alone time. if he comes over he always has his friend with him. and he is always teasin me saying that he is going to a party to talk to hot girls and all that. he never tells me how he feels or anything... and he calls me names all the time and thinks its funny when i get mad at him for it

[ghost69]

uhhhhh, why do you put up with this?

 

meeting his family isn't the issue. he's not a good bf.

[sunshine1]

well see the thing is his parents didnt even know he had a gf till last month...and i still have not met them..its like he is ashamed of me or something. and we never get alone time. if he comes over he always has his friend with him. and he is always teasin me saying that he is going to a party to talk to hot girls and all that. he never tells me how he feels or anything... and he calls me names all the time and thinks its funny when i get mad at him for it

 

 

So why do you want to be with him? I don't think he is mature enough for a relationship.

[hexaemeron]

well see the thing is his parents didnt even know he had a gf till last month...and i still have not met them..its like he is ashamed of me or something. and we never get alone time. if he comes over he always has his friend with him. and he is always teasin me saying that he is going to a party to talk to hot girls and all that. he never tells me how he feels or anything... and he calls me names all the time and thinks its funny when i get mad at him for it

 

Honey, you need to get some self-esteem. This is just sad.

[Brandi_Nicole]

i put up with it because i hope for it to get better. i want to be with him because we have been friends for a while and he has wanted to date me before but i was not old enough yet. he just turned 22 in march and i turned 18 in december. but i thought that when we got together things would be good. they were at first then it all started going down hill

[abitbroken]

I agree with what other people had said - but also, on your end - stop acting so needy. Don't text him 50 times a day. Make your communication meaningful. It could be that he doesn't have gas. if he is currently unemployed, sometimes that's a reasonable excuse but if he is employed and 22 years old, he should have his crap together. I don't think you should see eeachother every single day but a few times during the course of a 7 day period would be reasonable. Or weekends, etc. Anyway, if he is unemployed or things aren't going well for him he could possibly be depressed.

 

The reason I talk about the neediness is if you have been friends for a long time and had a good friendship, it could be possible that you are pushing him away with your neediness because that is what has changed, or that you glossed over certain things. For example, there are things I would accept from my freinds (i have a friend that never has her act together, I have a friend who will not initiate contact for several months but when we do talk we picked up where we left off) that I would NEVER put up with for a relationship. There are people that asked if I had a friend to set up with them and I have said "he's a really nice guy" or 'she's a great gal" - but I don't know what they are like to date. So I would really check in if he has qualities that make a friend but doesn't have qualities that make him a catch for you,

[Brandi_Nicole]

im not trying to be needy but when he ignores me for no reason at all it hurts me. and he did have a job at the beginning of our relationship but he got fired about a month after we started dating. and i dont want to see him everyday but i am still in high school and i live in a different town than my school so i stay with my granpa sunday thru wednesday so my mom dont have to take me to school every day. so when i am home those 4 days i like for him to come and see me at least once or twice. and when he is around his friends he acts totally different than when hes not. if it is just me and him he is sweet and lovable but thats the only time when he is like that

[iBroken]

Wow - move on dear....this guy is a jack ass

 

Does he have a girlfriend already? I see alot of red flags here.

[Brandi_Nicole]

no...i am his only girlfriend...that i know of....he has not cheated on me...so he says....i just dont know what to do anymore....one day he acts like he wants to be with me then the other he acts like he dont even care. and some times the only time he wants to come over is when im home alone. and that right there makes me think that he is only in the relationship for sex. but if that was the case i wouldnt be in this mess because he could find someone else. im so confused

[ghost69]

girls that hold on hoping the guy will change are cut out for a long life of heartache. you have to know your losses and cut them off.

[Brandi_Nicole]

i know i know i know. but i cant seem to let him go

[hexaemeron]

i know i know i know. but i cant seem to let him go

 

Why? Because you don't want to be alone?

[Brandi_Nicole]

no not because i dont want to be alone. but because i really really like him and know he is going through alot without having a job and..... i just think it will bet better. hopefully

[hexaemeron]

no not because i dont want to be alone. but because i really really like him and know he is going through alot without having a job and * * * * . i just think it will bet better. hopefully

 

I'm a little older, BN, and I can tell you in my experience, it doesn't. You staying means "I can treat her however I want and she won't leave."

 

You can't break someone who doesn't have a backbone.

[Brandi_Nicole]

so ur sayin i dont have a backbone?

[hexaemeron]

so ur sayin i dont have a backbone?

 

You tell me. What would you tell someone else who's in this exact situation, when you look at it from the outside?

[savignon]

You can't break someone who doesn't have a backbone.

Oh, I love that!! Did you make that up??

I'm using it! I'll give you credit.

Brandi: What do you like about him? The name calling, the non-responses, the no-alone time? I haven't heard you say anything positive yet...but I do hear you cutting him slack on every little thing.

I agree that it would be wise to move on.

[hexaemeron]

You can't break someone who doesn't have a backbone.

Oh, I love that!! Did you make that up??

I'm using it! I'll give you credit.

Brandi: What do you like about him? The name calling, the non-responses, the no-alone time? I haven't heard you say anything positive yet...but I do hear you cutting him slack on every little thing.

I agree that it would be wise to move on.

 

lol. Yes, that's a Hex original. Use at your leisure.

[Brandi_Nicole]

thats what im going to do is move on because i cant sit around and wait for someone to change when i know that they wont

[pumpkinmoon]

thats what im going to do is move on because i cant sit around and wait for someone to change when i know that they wont

 

At the very least you should back way off and see if his attitude changes towards you at all. Even if it does though, I doubt it will be a change that continues. He sounds immature and cruel!

[jenny_mcs]

well see the thing is his parents didnt even know he had a gf till last month...and i still have not met them..its like he is ashamed of me or something. and we never get alone time. if he comes over he always has his friend with him. and he is always teasin me saying that he is going to a party to talk to hot girls and all that. he never tells me how he feels or anything... and he calls me names all the time and thinks its funny when i get mad at him for it

 

There are certain people (and you bf seems to be one of them)- that the weaker their significant other acts, the more bad behavior they put up, the less respect they have for you, and the worse they treat you. It turns into a vicious cycle.

 

You think that by putting up with his bad behavior, it will make him value you more, but the more you put up with, the LESS he values you. You might think it shows him how much you care when you accept his rude and disrespectful behavior, but all it shows him is that you don't respect yourself.

[Brandi_Nicole]

that is exactly wat i am going to do...if he is goin to act like he dont want to be with me then he is not goin to be with me

[Celestialagape54]

I'm a little older, BN, and I can tell you in my experience, it doesn't. You staying means "I can treat her however I want and she won't leave."

 

You can't break someone who doesn't have a backbone.

 

Bahahaha only you Hex, definitely agree with the other poster about giving you credit.

 

To the OP- let me tell you something. You keep hoping it is going to get better, it is not. I have BEEN and LIVED your situation. You know what you are doing to yourself here? Making yourself miserable thinking that if you understood him better and perhaps if you gave him more credit, and if you were more understanding, he would see how much you care about him and he would change with you. You know what that does? Allows this person to treat you like dirt and let them walk all over you. They know they have you were they want you and they can do whatever they like.

 

Trust me he is not going to magically realize you are the best thing that has ever happened to him....they never do. He will NOT change unless he wants to and from the looks of it he doesn't want to change, not for you or anyone.

 

I agree with the other posters when they are telling you, you need to move on.

 

Take it from someone who put up with TWO years of "hoping he will change."