I asked a girl out but now I feel so insecure and doubtful of myself..

[Tell Me Why]

She said yes and gave me her number, but now I'm getting all these feelings of insecurity...thinking she isn't really interested and only said yes because she felt bad and didn't want to hurt me. I also have this strange insecure feeling that she is annoyed by me for asking her out and annoyed that I called her. I just feel so doubtful. It took me so much courage to ask this girl out, and instead of being happy that she said "Yes", I am being doubtful about it and I just feel so insecure about the situation. How can I break this kind of thinking? Anyone ever ask a girl out and have her say yes, only to think that this is too good to be true and that she really wants nothing to do with you and only feels bad for you or something?

[hexaemeron]

She said yes and gave me her number, but now I'm getting all these feelings of insecurity...thinking she isn't really interested and only said yes because she felt bad and didn't want to hurt me. I also have this strange insecure feeling that she is annoyed by me for asking her out and annoyed that I called her. I just feel so doubtful. It took me so much courage to ask this girl out, and instead of being happy that she said "Yes", I am being doubtful about it and I just feel so insecure about the situation. How can I break this kind of thinking? Anyone ever ask a girl out and have her say yes, only to think that this is too good to be true and that she really wants nothing to do with you and only feels bad for you or something?

 

Dude, she said yes. She had no obligation to say yes unless she wanted to. This is all in your head. That's all you need to know to break this. If she didn't want to be there, she wouldn't be there.

[meteorstrike]

Well she said yes. She obviously wants to give you a chance.

[TechResQ]

She said YES! YES, is good! Stop with the self-doubt. You asked and she said YES! Now, make the best of it, relax and enjoy yourself during the date and she will say YES again, for a second date...silly!

[Day_Walker]

The insecurity is coming from within yourself. There is no reason to doubt yourself, you got this girl's number and you asked her out, it really was that simple. There is no reason to think of anything else, the hard part is over. Right now you just need to think about having a good time with this girl.

[Iceman26]

She said yes and gave me her number, but now I'm getting all these feelings of insecurity...thinking she isn't really interested and only said yes because she felt bad and didn't want to hurt me. I also have this strange insecure feeling that she is annoyed by me for asking her out and annoyed that I called her. I just feel so doubtful. It took me so much courage to ask this girl out, and instead of being happy that she said "Yes", I am being doubtful about it and I just feel so insecure about the situation. How can I break this kind of thinking? Anyone ever ask a girl out and have her say yes, only to think that this is too good to be true and that she really wants nothing to do with you and only feels bad for you or something?

 

Absolutely. But you won't know until you call, will you? So ignore the voices of doubt in your head, give her a call, and see if there is some chemistry there and if there is, ask her to do something. If not, oh well.

 

One time I asked a girl for her number and she gave me the phone number for the local movie theater. All I could do about it was laugh, and that's exactly what I did.

[ghost69]

you asked a girl out. that is the hardest thing for a lot of guys to do. be proud of yourself for doing that.

[vidman]

Dude, first of all, those feelings are pretty normal, or at least I hope they are.

 

Secondly, I can tell you, FROM EXPERIENCE, people have no problem saying no, no matter how much they feel sorry for you. She said YES dude, go with that.

 

Confidence. The key to the beginning of a relationship is confidence. The coolest thing is, you don't actually need real confidence. All you need is to be able to fake it. In time it will come. Everything you do that makes you look like you aren't confident, you can explain away with 'nervousness.'

 

The honest truth is, if you act confident, you will be confident. Those feelings will creep up in your head constantly for a while, but eventually your awesome fearatude will overpower them.

 

Good luck brother.

[Tell Me Why]

Ok, so here's the deal, and maybe some of you can give me some advice on this. I asked her out last Tuesday and she said yes...she suggested either Friday or Sunday, but I had a prior obligation that I couldn't get out of, I had to help my friend move one day and the other day I had a family thing I couldn't get out of. But I got her number. I called her on Sunday and got voicemail, I said I was calling to see if she still wanted to go out for a drink and that I was thinking sometime this week if possible. I told her in the message that she didn't need to call me back because I'd see her on Monday (today) and we'd talk then. So today comes and I go to the gym after work, she works there. I'm on the treadmill and I see her show up at the front desk. I finish up on the treadmill and go over to grab a paper towel, I see her coming out of the corner of my eye and she throws something away in the trash can two feet away from me, which makes absolutely no sense for her to have gone to that trash can, since she had one at the front desk. I turn and she smiles at me and says hi and I say hi back, and she walks away, I was catching by breath and soaking and couldn't even think of starting a conversation with her. I didn't see her for the rest of the night.

 

I'm now starting to wonder if she even got my voicemail. Sometimes my phone is stupid and people say they never got my messages. So, what do you think the deal is here? Should I have said something to her when she came by me tonight? I'll see her tomorrow, so do you think I should ask her if she got my message? I just can't get a good read on this girl, would she have mentioned something about my message if she got it? Or was she waiting for me to bring it up? The fact that she came near me and smiled and said hi isn't a bad thing. If she wanted nothing to do with me, she wouldn't have gone anywhere near me. Tomorrow will be a week since I asked her out, and I need a definite answer about whether she wants to go out or not. Any advice? Do you think she's still interested and waiting for me to say something or what? I know I'm probably over analyzing everything, but that is just my nature I guess.

[oldenoughtoknow]

Come on, dude. You've done the hardest part. You asked her out. She said yes. That's the biggest hurdle. You should be proud of yourself right now! Did you tell her upfront that you had obligations on Friday and Sunday? Waiting to call her on Sunday to tell her what's up would be pretty inconsiderate.

 

Yes, you should have said something. She purposely walked over to use the garbage can right next to you so you could say something. She wouldn't do that either, if she wasn't interested. She wants to go out with you. Stop shooting yourself in the foot. She will only put up with wishy-washy behavior for so long, and then she won't be interested anymore.

 

Yes, you are definitely over-analyzing. Yes, she's still interested, but that will only last so long. You need to do something tomorrow - call her or talk to her at the gym - just make something happen, no more analysis is needed here.

[Tell Me Why]

Thanks rich, I'm not sure if you remember me, but you helped me a year ago in another thread about my ex...which we know ended badly. I'm finally ready to start dating again, so I'm really rusty since I have been out of that game for 5 years. I have no idea what I am doing.

[oldenoughtoknow]

Of course I remember you, TMW. You were struggling with over-analyzing and confidence back then as well. You've already completed the hardest part. You KNOW she has interest. The grueling work part is pretty much done. Now, just be yourself and have fun with her. Stop thinking so much - it's not that complicated!

[Tell Me Why]

Confidence is a strange thing. Sometimes I feel super confident and I think to myself how great of a guy I am and how I have so much to offer and how any girl would be lucky to be with me. It applies to this girl. When I'm feeling confident I feel like she is into me and she would love to go out with me. Then other times I feel as if I'm just pathetic and that she really isn't interested. Too much back and forth when it comes to confidence. I wish I could just feel confident all the time and not let insecurity tear it all down.

[hexaemeron]

Confidence is a strange thing. Sometimes I feel super confident and I think to myself how great of a guy I am and how I have so much to offer and how any girl would be lucky to be with me. It applies to this girl. When I'm feeling confident I feel like she is into me and she would love to go out with me. Then other times I feel as if I'm just pathetic and that she really isn't interested. Too much back and forth when it comes to confidence. I wish I could just feel confident all the time and not let insecurity tear it all down.

 

That's not confidence then, kid. Confidence means that you'd remember that you're that great guy even those kinds of momentary thoughts enter your mind. You have to work at it. It's a process, one that lasts a lifetime.

[Tell Me Why]

Well I think I have made huge improvements in the last year. The fact that I got the courage to ask a girl out proves that my confidence is becoming stronger.

[HopeArises]

Well I think I have made huge improvements in the last year. The fact that I got the courage to ask a girl out proves that my confidence is becoming stronger.

 

So, she suggested Friday or Sunday? Friday is DATE night, which means she HAS/HAD interest in you. Did you just wait until Sunday to call her and not prior to? Hope not...

 

This REALLY is easy dude. I too was attached to my ex in the past, but going out and having fun with new women, while being YOURSELF can be great. There is really nothing to it.

 

Okay, the message you left her was not great, telling her she doesn't need to call you back, because you would see her the next day at the gym. So what happens? You see her and don't start a conversation. Not good. Right there you're losing points. NEVER ask a girl if she got your message. NEVER bring it up. It spells desperation and insecurity. Just be cool.

 

Seeing her at the gym is the easy thing to do. CALL HER UP. Have a SHORT conversation (keep it light) and ask her out for a SPECIFIC day this week and that's it. See where the cards fall from there.

[Tell Me Why]

She said MAYBE Friday or Sunday. It wasn't a definite. Yeah, I screwed up, I waited til Sunday to call. I'm an idiot. I was afraid to call. I got the courage to ask her out, but aftewards my insecurities got the best of me. And I failed again yesterday. I will see her today. What's wrong with asking her if she got my message? I honestly don't think it shows desperation, its just a casual question. If she said that she did then I'd ask her if she was free at all this week to go out. I don't see what the big deal is. I am going to see her in an hour. I have to make something happen tonight.

 

Also, yesterday I thought that she would bring something up since I left her a message, but I guess not, she might have been waiting for me to say something. I guess the guy still has to do the work, which is fine. I just suck at this. I've been out of the dating world for so long and I feel like I don't know what I'm doing and that I'm doing everything wrong. I'm VERY interested in this girl and the fact that she said yes is amazing, but I just really don't want to screw it up!!

[HopeArises]

She said MAYBE Friday or Sunday. It wasn't a definite. Yeah, I screwed up, I waited til Sunday to call. I'm an idiot. I was afraid to call. I got the courage to ask her out, but aftewards my insecurities got the best of me. And I failed again yesterday.

 

She said MAYBE and it was YOUR job to make it happen one of those 2 days. By Sunday it was already too late. In a sense, your insecurity actually probably buried you, because it rendered her feeling insecure, seeing she proposed two potential days and you didn't make it happen (the man's job to do that). By Sunday, she had felt probably rejected and then on Monday at the gym you could have potentially made it better by saying something came up (in a COOL manner and IMMEDIATELY propose a day this week). Right now, all you've really done was confuse the girl and make her think you're not too interested in her, which isn't always bad to do, but in your case, it's not being done as a maneuver, but rather being done out of fear of rejection. It really is all in your head as others have said. We here can't give you confidence. You have to take the risk yourself. Getting the girls # is great, but you need to be more a man of action. She's just a girl. You NEED to think of it in that way. She's not better than you, so stop lowering yourself. If it goes on longer, it will be more of a self-defeating habit. Pick yourself up and call her and take the lead and MAKE PLANS. At this stage, you may have blown it (she may think you're flaky), but it's worth the practice at the worst.

[bar35]

You're dropping the ball here bro, but it's not a disaster. To answer your first question, yes it is really easy to double think, triple think and freak out about a girl that you are into. It's called being excited. Now you have to pick up the phone and call her. I have no idea why you told her that she doesn't have to call you back, that actually translates into A)Don't call me back B)I'm not worth calling back. It's a little insane, but in a funny way. Focus on what you want, not on what you think she thinks, or maybe's or any of a thousand neuroses. You know what you want, you want to take this girl out. Focus on that. Everything else just doesn't matter here. She said yes. Now for goodness sake, set up the date!

[Tell Me Why]

Well now I'm just totally confused. I went in there last night and I asked if she got my message and she said she did but not until a day after a left it because she left her phone somewhere. She then said that the weeks aren't good for her because she works and then she has to do all this crazy training (she does fitness and figure competitions) and she has a big important show coming up. We talk about that and how intense the preparation is. But then she said that we should still get coffee sometime, but she doesn't specify when. I also noticed that she didn't mention anything about being busy on the WEEKENDS, she just said her schedule is too busy during the week. Me, being the idiot I am, mention nothing about the weekends and tell her, "Well, just let me know when you are free".

 

I didn't say anything about the weekends because I sort of felt like I was being rejected nicely. But the more I think about, the more I think I may still have a chance because 1) She only said she was busy during the week, and 2) She mentioned that we should get coffee sometime, and she mentioned it twice

 

I thought maybe she wasn't interested because she didn't mention the weekends herself and she didn't suggest a time. But then I realized maybe that's my job? Maybe I should have taken the initiative and asked about her weekends and if she wanted to get coffee then. People I've talked to are telling me that I should call her and ask her if she can do something during a weekend, and if not, then after her show is over.

 

I mean, if she really was rejecting me outright, why would just specify she's only busy during the week and still tell me that we should get coffee sometime? I think if she wanted nothing to do with me she would just say that now isn't a good time and never mention anything about coffee. So should I make one last attempt at securing a date by calling her and asking her if she can get together during the weekends sometime?

[BriarRose]

I asked her out last Tuesday and she said yes...she suggested either Friday or Sunday, but I had a prior obligation that I couldn't get out of, I had to help my friend move one day and the other day I had a family thing I couldn't get out of. But I got her number. I called her on Sunday and got voicemail,

Just to clarify did you ever call her prior to Sunday? She was under the impression you would be going out Fri or Sat. If you didn't call her until Sunday you may have blown it.

[Tell Me Why]

Well when she said maybe Friday or Sunday I never confirmed a day, I just said I'd give her a call. Did I really blow it because I didn't call til Sunday? I mean, what if I had legitimate reasons why I couldn't do Friday or Sunday? (which I did)

 

But, she is still telling me yesterday that we should get coffee sometime and that she is busy only during weekdays. If I blew it, why would she even mention getting coffee? I don't even care if I blew it at this point, I know I am going to call her up this week and make one final attempt by asking her if she can do something during a weekend and secure a date if possible. If she is flaky with her answer, then I will know to move on. But I'm still not 100 percent certain at this point.

[BriarRose]

She then said that the weeks aren't good for her because she works and then she has to do all this crazy training (she does fitness and figure competitions) and she has a big important show coming up

Okay, I just read all the posts because I was a little confused. Anyways, at this point, it's safe to assume she is no longer interested. But she WAS. HopeArises nailed it when she said you blew it by not calling her that weekend until Sunday. She saw this as rejection (she doesn't know you had plans - you never told her, and she can't read your mind about your insecurities - so she chalked it up to lack of interest or another date on your part).

 

The beginning is a very delicate time and people can change their mind at the drop of a hat. I feel it is too late with this woman, and in the future try to be more assertive and ask out on a Friday or Sat. If you have plans, let her know - don't just wait and call after the weekend has passed.

[Tell Me Why]

Wow, women can really be interested and then not interested that quickly?? And why would she think I was rejecting her if I called her on Sunday and asked her out again? We never made definite plans for this past weekend. Its not like I cancelled. I just feel like me not calling has nothing to do with it. Man, I don't understand women. I know if the roles were reversed, I wouldn't all of a sudden not be interested because she didn't call before Sunday.

 

And I'm going to be confident here and not think that its too late. I'm going to try one last time to get a date with her by asking her if she is free on the weekends. What have I got to lose at this point? I already stepped out of my comfort zone when I asked her out and called her, so this shouldn't be hard. I still haven't gotten a definite answer. If she wanted nothing to do with me, why would she mention getting coffee sometime and not mention that she was busy on the weekends too. She should assume that by saying what she did, I might continue to pursue her and ask her about the weekends. Which is what I am going to do until I get a final answer.

[BriarRose]

Wow, women can really be interested and then not interested that quickly?? And why would she think I was rejecting her if I called her on Sunday and asked her out again? We never made definite plans for this past weekend. Its not like I cancelled. I just feel like me not calling has nothing to do with it. Man, I don't understand women. I know if the roles were reversed, I wouldn't all of a sudden not be interested because she didn't call before Sunday.

If that is how you feel, here is what I suggest. Call her and tell her you feel you got off on the wrong foot and you had such-and-such to do on Friday and meant to call. Tell her you would like to make it up to her and is she free this Friday (or Saturday)?