Upset

[katyg79]

I am so upset, i really have no control on how i feel right now and my only channel to talk is here.

 

my ex has set up a dating profile and has today changed his profile to say looking for a long term relationship with someone who has time for me.

 

this is the guy who when i found him on this site said he has no time for a relationship and just wants to be left alone, which i have done.

 

however i stupidly looked at his profile and it has set me back 2 weeks, it feels like my heart has been ripped out all over again.

 

I love the man so much yet he continues to hurt me in anyway possible. i text him (after 2 weeks of no contact) and asked him to call. stupid i know but he wrang and is calling me later...

 

he is the most heartless man i have ever come accross and i know i dont want him back but he continues to rip my heart out. i dont understand him at all. why say that he loves me but i changed, find someone else straight away after telling all my friends that he wants to be on his own.

 

i am so upset i really cannot control how i am feeling and fear the worse please help i am so desparate

[mightyreal]

i'm sorry about your situation. i think you should go nc on this guy as you're bracing yourself for more pain by speaking to him. you already know he is not interested in you and that he wants someone new. if you know he is heartless then you know dep down that contacting him is bad and will be detrimental to you getting over him. i'm always here if you want to chat.

[hexaemeron]

Okay, I'm going to say something and I want you to know that I'm here to help. This is all for you.

 

He's not hurting you. You're hurting yourself. Yes, really.

 

If the relationship isn't right for one person, it's not right for either of you. And he doesn't owe you anything than to break up honestly and move on without willfully trying to hurt you.

 

His moving on doesn't make him heartless. He's just not into you, and that doesn't make him a monster. You should follow his example and move on yourself because the only place the road you're on is going to lead you to is complete paranoid needy despair and negativity.

 

Hope this helps.

[loulou37]

my ex too put this on his profile...looking for-dating, friendship, a relationship! i was gutted..he'd only said he still loved me 2 days before!! the way i think of it...the only sort of people my ex is gonna find on them sites is tramps.... he said he didn't like it cause i added guys to my contact list on facebook, well what sort of person he thinks he's gonna find? the girls that my ex adds are half dressed 17 yr old tarts...that have like 600 guys added..haha nuff said...he can go for it!! i just feel sorry for him...

 

forget him, he's a loser. he's already treated you like * * * * , don't let him hurt you anymore....or maybe don't hurt yourself, don't go looking. i give up with that ages ago....

 

better still delete him...you'll feel so much better believe me

[katyg79]

i know your both right i really do but i am a sufferer of depression and he really has knocked me for six, i dont know what i am doing i am sat on my bed sobbing thinking about things to solve all the problems and they are not nice things which i know i shouldnt be thinking. my world is collapsing around me and i really just cant take this anymore, it is all too much for my head and i need it to stop

[hexaemeron]

i know your both right i really do but i am a sufferer of depression and he really has knocked me for six, i dont know what i am doing i am sat on my bed sobbing thinking about things to solve all the problems and they are not nice things which i know i shouldnt be thinking. my world is collapsing around me and i really just cant take this anymore, it is all too much for my head and i need it to stop

 

The world isn't collapsing. Unless you decided to build your entire world around this other person (which you should never, ever do, btw), you are still a functioning human being. It doesn't have to be anything more or less than "It just wasn't the relationship for me."

 

Take the lessons you've learned back into the world. There's a whole world out there to explore!

[loulou37]

i know your both right i really do but i am a sufferer of depression and he really has knocked me for six, i dont know what i am doing i am sat on my bed sobbing thinking about things to solve all the problems and they are not nice things which i know i shouldnt be thinking. my world is collapsing around me and i really just cant take this anymore, it is all too much for my head and i need it to stop

katy, i too have suffered depression in my life, i was antidepressants for ten yrs, got myself off them 4 yrs ago, now because of all this * * * * i'm back on them, i miss my ex too, my whole world has gone, all my dreams and plans to be with him in the future, but look!! he's treated you like crap, he's moved on soo quickly, that just says it all, i tell you, when i think of my ex chatting up them girls so soon after my split, it makes me pysically sick, it means he never loved me, and now i have that in my head, he never loved me!! and i don't want someone that doesn't love me.

 

you need to start thinking differently, last week i wanted to kill myself, not joking, for real, but after yesterday, i thought enough is enough, i gotta get on with my life!! my ex is just a total using w''ker!

 

i'm not sitting round here feeling sorry for myself, yea it's hard but he aint gonna destroy me, i'm i'm a wonderful, beautiful person and soo are you!

[hexaemeron]

I mean absolutely no disrespect here, but if you're willing to end your life over an ex-boyfriend, the ex boyfriend isn't the problem. You must have some serious and unfortunate self-worth issues.

[loulou37]

but you don't know how i was treated in the relationship, he controlled me, i had no self esteem left, i didn't say he was the problem for wanting to kill myself, it was my total lack of self control, i admit that, i've had mental health problems in my life, and i cope very bad with rejection.

[hexaemeron]

but you don't know how i was treated in the relationship, he controlled me, i had no self esteem left, i didn't say he was the problem for wanting to kill myself, it was my total lack of self control, i admit that, i've had mental health problems in my life, and i cope very bad with rejection.

 

I get that, but it doesn't matter how you're treated. If you're treated badly, you leave. You're not a prisoner. You have every right to leave if the relationship isn't working for you, just as much as the OP's boyfriend did. It sucks to hear, but you're not owed anything if a relationship ends (unless there are extenuating circumstances like loaned money, etc.)

[loulou37]

i know i can leave the relationship, but i never seen how i was treated until i was out on the other side, i loved him that's why i was in the relationship with him, and i never said he owed me anything either, what he did owe me is respect at the end of the relationship, just because you split up with some one it doesn't mean you have to treat them like * * * * does it!! oh yes and by the way he does owe me money.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

my ex has set up a dating profile and has today changed his profile to say looking for a long term relationship with someone who has time for me.

 

Didn't he break up with you because he felt you were distancing yourself from him? This is more games from him. Sounds like he is hurting and trying to lash out at you for how he perceives what happened in the relationship. Please put this into perspective...he is not moving on, he is angry and lashing out. Ignore it and continue on with your life.

[loulou37]

by the way HEX i don't think your views are helping the OP, why do you have to be so blunt and cold, i know you have to be truthful in these situations, but there are better ways of saying them, don't you think?

[hexaemeron]

by the way HEX i don't think your views arn't helping the OP, why do you have to be so blunt and cold, i know you have to be truthful in these situations, but there are better ways of saying them, don't you think?

 

I'm not being cold. Just because I'm not cosigning every pinwheeling emotional whim the OP has doesn't mean what I have to say doesn't have merit.

 

No one is questioning that she's hurt. But telling her that her ex is a bastard because... he's moving on? That's wrong. It's lazy, self-indulgent and it won't. help. her. What will help her? Realizing that she's responsible for viewing her situational objectively and taking that knowledge into today and tomorrow and making her life better and finding someone to share her life with in a positive way.

 

Not validating her marinating in undeserved, counterproductive, misdirected anger at an ex whose only sin was saying "I don't want to be in a relationship with you anymore."

 

It sucks, but he's hardly a monster.

[loulou37]

he's not a bstard for moving on, he's a bastrd for the way he's treated her, he was already using these sites while they were still together!! saying he was single.... he's a dog!!

[bar35]

I have totally been there. I remember the first time that I saw an ex's photo on link removed after we broke up, it was insane. Then I went through the Myspace debacle when an ex basically broke up with me simply by changing her status. The only thing that is going to help now is NC.

 

You will slide back here and there, but keep the NC going as much as possible, it is really the only way. Depending on how much the guy owes you, you should consider it a loss. If its only 100-250 bucks, forget it. Thats a drop in the bucket compared to the pain that you are experiencing. If its to the tune of thousands, well that is a different matter and you might want to figure out how to deal with that.

 

Good luck, keep posting, concentrate on you for at least 5 minutes an hour, you can freak out the rest of the time, but give yourself at least 5 minutes of peace. I used to use a timer. Yeah, I've been there, and it is awful.

[hexaemeron]

he's not a bstard for moving on, he's a bastrd for the way he's treated her, he was already using these sites while they were still together!! saying he was single.... he's a dog!!

 

If he was so bad, then why is she mourning the relationship? She's better off anyway and shouldn't spend another moment missing him.

[loulou37]

now i agree with you on that 1, but you mourn the relationship because you still love them, love doesn't come with a switch, you can turn off when you feel like it.....it would be great if it did

[hexaemeron]

now i agree with you on that 1, but you mourn the relationship because you still love them, love doesn't come with a switch, you can turn off when you feel like it.....it would be great if it did

 

Oh see, guess it's just me then. When I'm done. I'm done. I don't need to look back or endlessly obsess over every little detail. When the relationship goes, I'm ready for the next challenge.

[loulou37]

but your saying when your done, your done, so that means you were the dumper!! but it's not soo easy for the dumpee, their whole world falls apart, the dumper has been considering his/her actions for some time, it's all a shock for the dumpee, weve been rejected, we go into panic mode and try to save our relationships.

[hexaemeron]

but your saying when your done, your done, so that means you were the dumper!! but it's not soo easy for the dumpee, their whole world falls apart, the dumper has been considering his/her actions for some time, it's all a shock for the dumpee, weve been rejected, we go into panic mode and try to save our relationships.

 

It doesn't matter if it's easy, loulou. Time is precious. Life is finite. I'm not going to waste my energy or time on situations that cannot and should not be fixed. I understand being hurt, but at some point you have to take responsibility for your feelings and just say to yourself and the world "It's time to move on." because all your crying and obsessing and going over everything little thing in your head... it doesn't matter. It won't make anything better and only makes you feel worse.

 

Why go out of your way to make yourself feel worse? Just pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and do what you need to do.

[loulou37]

It doesn't matter if it's easy, loulou. Time is precious. Life is finite. I'm not going to waste my energy or time on situations that cannot and should not be fixed. I understand being hurt, but at some point you have to take responsibility for your feelings and just say to yourself and the world "It's time to move on." because all your crying and obsessing and going over everything little thing in your head... it doesn't matter. It won't make anything better and only makes you feel worse.

 

Why go out of your way to make yourself feel worse? Just pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and do what you need to do.

your right, but i think your just alot stronger than most of us....i wish i could be more like you. but i am trying and yes i'm going to move on.. it's what i should of done the last time he dumped me.

 

but i just went back for more, i was a fool to myself.

[hexaemeron]

your right, but i think your just alot stronger than most of us....i wish i could be more like you. but i am trying and yes i'm going to move on.. it's what i should of done the last time he dumped me.

 

but i just went back for more, i was a fool to myself.

 

Don't worry about yesterday. Can't change it. Not what he did, and not what you did. Just look to tomorrow. That's within your control. How you behave and what you choose to invest in yourself and the world tomorrow.

[loulou37]

yep, that's what i'm gonna do!! your not soo cold after all lol...thanx.x.

[jenna-is-here]

Katy - I know this goes without saying but STOP looking at whatever profile you are looking at. Right now, you need to be focusing on getting him out of your system and following what he is doing does NOT help the process.

 

I am sorry you are feeling so low right now but you have the power to feel better. Reject the rejector.