letsgotobed Posted May 24, 2010 Share Posted May 24, 2010 it's been about a year since she broke up with me. i've gone through a lot of ups and downs. mostly ups lately. but i still haven't met anybody else or had the courage to really approach anybody else. i've tried reading about that stuff, but i dont know. my self-esteem seems to inflate and deflate all of the time. i look like a totally different person from when we went out so i really dont know if i am good looking or not anymore. we were close. probably in a dangerous way. we disliked the same types of people, liked a lot of the same things. but anyway. i saw some recent pictures of her on facebook through a mutual friend. it just makes me feel bad seeing her hang out with all of those people she said she disliked. i know people change, it's just i feel like i have been completely disregarded in every way. i feel like an idiot for believing all of the things she said. she had my name tattooed on her back. and had it covered up. i dont know. i dont have much going for me anymore. i cant help but always think of things in terms of the breakup. it still feels traumatic occasionally. i feel alone a lot of the time. i know it is my fault that im this way but that knowledge doesn't seem to help me. idk. just venting i guess. there are days where i feel the exact opposite of what im feeling now. i just feel so betrayed even though i shouldnt and the break up was a year ago, etc. not my first relationship, but the first one i would consider serious... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kinkz Posted May 24, 2010 Share Posted May 24, 2010 Try not looking at recent pictures of her, it would only make you feel more bad. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
finneganno Posted May 24, 2010 Share Posted May 24, 2010 She may not have changed. She may be reacting, too. You have no way of knowing. It's no longer relevant. The important person in this discussion is YOU. Don't worry about meeting other women. Just focus on yourself - what can you do to make yourself a bit happier, a bit more confident? You've mentioned that you think your looks have slipped. Would it be worth maybe getting some new clothes, a great haircut, or going to the gym? Do something nice for yourself. It's tempting to want to punish yourself when you've been rejected, but it will only make you feel worse. When negative feelings arise, just remind yourself that it's part of the process of healing. Good luck - stay strong. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Crazyaboutdogs Posted May 24, 2010 Share Posted May 24, 2010 Life is what you make of it...it doesn't matter who comes and goes from your life..even a partner...the only love of someone's life...their only soulmate...is themself...you are guaranteed to be with yourself your entire life so it is up to you to make yourself happy, productive, successful and the most amazing person you can be....for you and only you. When you are lonely and missing someone it can be hard to get motivated...so you have to motivate yourself for YOU. Get out there and lead a productive, happy life. Change your look a bit, new haircut, new style, get involved in activities, hobbies, interests, the gym, cycling, walking, swimming, golfing wherever your interests lie...just get out there and do. Then make a list of all the amazing things you are doing with your life so that if you start feeling down and mopey you can read that list and say "wow, look at me...look at all the things I have done...I don't need her, I am just fine on my own". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
letsgotobed Posted May 24, 2010 Author Share Posted May 24, 2010 Thanks for the advice everyone. I already feel a little better. I think it was just that seeing those pictures was so jarring. I will definitely not feed into that curiosity next time. She may not have changed. She may be reacting, too. You have no way of knowing. It's no longer relevant. The important person in this discussion is YOU. Don't worry about meeting other women. Just focus on yourself - what can you do to make yourself a bit happier, a bit more confident? You've mentioned that you think your looks have slipped. Would it be worth maybe getting some new clothes, a great haircut, or going to the gym? Do something nice for yourself. It's tempting to want to punish yourself when you've been rejected, but it will only make you feel worse. When negative feelings arise, just remind yourself that it's part of the process of healing. Good luck - stay strong. Well I don't know that my looks have "slipped". It's just that I look different. When we broke up we both had let ourselves go a bit. I started going to the gym soon before we broke up and I still go and I just look completely different. I can't tell if I look good or bad though since I've never been this lean in my life. My face has definition and my cheeks are slightly hollowed out. I can wear nice fitting clothes and I like the way my body looks, but my face just looks so much different from what I'm used to that it seems bizarre to me. Idk. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jenna-is-here Posted May 24, 2010 Share Posted May 24, 2010 I dont know anyone who gets lean and looks worse. You probably look really good. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
finneganno Posted May 24, 2010 Share Posted May 24, 2010 If you are fixating on physical changes/appearances to yourself, sometimes that can just mean you feel disoriented in general. Like you're a stranger to yourself. This could have something to do with feeling upended in life after the breakup. I don't think it's uncommon, but maybe it's best to not over-fixated on your facial appearance. Just try to go easy on yourself, and have some fun. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.