Why can't I just be attracted to nice guys?

[glucoze]

What are the signs your best guy friend likes you?

Since we met we clicked. We became good friends right after..

But i noticed he's been telling me stuff like "I love you ahahah just kidding." or 'we are soulmates.. wow you are my dream girl, if you weren't so far away i'd love to date you.. ahah just kidding' We live like an hour away after he moved.

And he's always been there for me. Helping me with my current breakup with my ex. He's just always there.. ready to talk. Sometimes we even stay up at 4 am talking lol. I remember whenever he'd go out and party he'd call me drunk.. and leave me drunk text messages saying "i need to talk to you.. please pick up' But i would be sleeping by then. And he isn't afraid to show me his emotional side... he cries sometimes... and he tells me a lot about his past, his last relationship.. what he wants to do in the future etc. He even made a joke that i dont think its much of a joke saying "haha im going to marry you some day, since you're already a gorgeous model, and i'll be successful and we'll buy a loft, and have a dog and have a happy life. Together." and i asked "AhAH wow and ill marry brad pitt" and he kind of got sad after... I was wondering if hes joking, or if he really has feelings for me?

 

My other problem is, he's too nice! I want him to be a little more aggressive. Whats with me and not being into too nice guys. I always go for the guys that act like jerks. When i really don't want a relationship with the jerks...

[glucoze]

We also used to talk about our relationships.. he'd always go on these long hour rants that I deserve better etc. He used to get really upset when i'd talk about library boy (I hope you guys still remember that)

[Cognitive_Canine]

Honestly, that would drive me insane. That's not too nice...that's something else.

 

Saying he loves you, and then laughing and saying 'just kidding' is just plain annoying and unattractive. Sounds more like a hurt puppy playing the friend card than a potential date. Also, drunk texts begging you to pick up? Wow.

 

Glucoze, you are mixing up 'nice' with 'overly sensitive'.

[glucoze]

Yes He is overly sensitive. he told me so last night. Thats a huge turn off for me.

I'm sorry, i think its cute when guys show their emotional side, but when they cry and stuff? Lol.... that makes me SO uncomfortable. I'm already not affectionate to my own family crying. The minute anyone cries, I bolt.

[Cognitive_Canine]

Yes He is overly sensitive. he told me so last night. Thats a huge turn off for me.

I'm sorry, i think its cute when guys show their emotional side, but when they cry and stuff? Lol.... that makes me SO uncomfortable. I'm already not affectionate to my own family crying. The minute anyone cries, I bolt.

 

Yes, exactly. I think he's the one with the problem. Not you.

[glucoze]

He has admitted to me that he has problems.......

Ugh such a turn off.

He told me about them.. it was really long. I don't see why he won't seek therapy. Not trying to be mean

[glucoze]

But even with other 'good' guys... I am just not attracted to them.

What is wrong with me???????????

Im just going to be deadly honest

I like a guy thats aggressive, one that isn't afraid to tell and show how they feel - but don't cry in front of me please. Unless it's a legit reason, like someone passed away -

I associate too nice, and too polite with weakness.. and i always think someone that's too nice, has some ulterior motive..

[Cognitive_Canine]

But even with other 'good' guys... I am just not attracted to them.

What is wrong with me???????????

Im just going to be deadly honest

I like a guy thats aggressive, one that isn't afraid to tell and show how they feel - but don't cry in front of me please. Unless it's a legit reason, like someone passed away -

I associate too nice, and too polite with weakness.. and i always think someone that's too nice, has some ulterior motive..

 

I don't think that aggressive doesn't equal nice. A guy can still be very nice yet be aggressive and alpha male-esque. I'm attracted to that too.

[glucoze]

Yes, because I am sick of being attracted to bad guys. Or bad boys whatever you want to call it. It actually kind of pisses me off hahaha. Because they are the ones that treat me like crap. Yet I am attracted to them..

Maybe I haven't found the right guy yet or something

Im not a very patient person.

[meteorstrike]

Because us nice guys are bad for you. We drive safely and we feel guilty for doing bad things.

[glucoze]

LOL. Another turn off

But I want to date you good guys... Just can't figure out exactly why im not 100% attracted to you.

Maybe it's because I am young?

[meteorstrike]

Yes, you'll understand it all when you're 30.

[Rangafro]

"Nice guys" and ""bad boys" are just caricatures and oversimplifications. You're not 100% attracted to them because they don't really exist. People can exhibit positive traits of both, they are not mutually exclusive.

[glucoze]

I'm sorry what

[FathomFear]

Well, kudos for being honest. I know some women who swear they don't have anything against "nice guys" but only seem to date total jerks over and over again.

[Cognitive_Canine]

What did previous boyfriends do that made them jerks?

[givinggirl]

Because us nice guys are bad for you. We drive safely and we feel guilty for doing bad things.

 

Those are 2 of the qualities I find attractive in the guy I'm interested in.

[givinggirl]

Well, kudos for being honest. I know some women who swear they don't have anything against "nice guys" but only seem to date total jerks over and over again.

 

I know "nice guys" don't ever seem to buy it, but in my experience, the total jerks act like nice guys in the beginning to get the girl and then turn into jerks after he's baited her. It's how a girl reacts when she see's who he really is that matters....not his deception. I want a nice guy, but always end up with the total jerks. The guy I'm interested in now is truly a nice guy. I know this because I have known him for 7 years. The problem is that he's very shy and had a bad experience with relationships, so is scared of putting himself out there. I hope he decides to give it a try.

 

Glucoze, I think your friend does have a crush on you. He jokes about it because he's doubtful that you feel the same way, so he doesn't want to put himself out there. You are young and you will learn many relationship lessons in the years to come. I learned a lot about myself, what I want and don't want through my relationships. I experienced a lot of things that many people will never experience in their lifetime. Can't say that I'm glad to have experienced them, but they are a part of who I am today.

[Lost Nuts]

This guys seems like a romantic, sensitive, emotional, caring, nice guy.

You probably are not attracted to that because it's something you want, but are afraid.

 

Does it seem to you that you want to have fun more than a relationship?

 

This guy would probably make you feel special, care for you, admire you, make you feel like a godess. Are you ready?

[Cognitive_Canine]

This guys seems like a romantic, sensitive, emotional, caring, nice guy.

You probably are not attracted to that because it's something you want, but are afraid.

 

Does it seem to you that you want to have fun more than a relationship?

 

This guy would probably make you feel special, care for you, admire you, make you feel like a godess. Are you ready?

 

That's not what I get at all from what Glucoze wrote.

 

If she does date him, she'll get a lot of "Are you okay?" "Are you mad?" "What's wrong?" "Do you think that guy is cute? I just know it!" "You don't love me anymore, do you?!"

[Hikapo]

A few things that can be said from the first post...

 

Things that you seem to NOT like:

 

1) Guys that show their emotional side too many times---- Big Turn Off

 

A woman wants a strong pillar that she can depend on, not some pansy that is crying/complaining/emotional all the time.

2) This guy reeks neediness--- Big Turn Off

 

Always calling you, telling you and chatting to you like your friend. You don't feel for him because he chats to you as if he was one of your female friends.

 

These are things that women do not like.

[cazmoore]

Because us nice guys are bad for you. We drive safely and we feel guilty for doing bad things.

 

Nice.

 

 

And they apologize when they're wrong.

[Flint_Wood]

A lot of nice guys are completely passive aggressive, they wait for you to make a move and then get mad or upset when you don't. No need to feel bad for not attracted to that kind of behaviour.

 

You only need to worry if your 'bad boys' are constantly putting you in abusive relationships. If that's what gets you off, then I would I say you've got issues.

[glucoze]

What did previous boyfriends do that made them jerks?

 

Use me, manipulate me. (Only came to this conclusion after the split. Had time a lot to think about everything, basically when I stopped being a pushover and stop making up lies in my head 'he loves you, no worries')

Lie to me..

cheated on me.

[glucoze]

This guys seems like a romantic, sensitive, emotional, caring, nice guy.

You probably are not attracted to that because it's something you want, but are afraid.

 

Does it seem to you that you want to have fun more than a relationship?

 

This guy would probably make you feel special, care for you, admire you, make you feel like a godess. Are you ready?

 

The thing is.. I do want that. I do. But yeah, I am afraid lol.

Thats basically it.

I dont want to give him any reason to think less of me and then just run out on me. I have trust issues and I actually don't let many people in. Unless they've proven themselves trustworthy. Plus, I wouldnt want to like.. get serious with him because Im still not sure he likes me. Even though he makes little comments, he always says "ahah kidddding.'