You know...it's really ok to masturbate.

[Catdancer]

It just completely confounds me that some people actually think that once you're in a relationship with someone masturbation immediately should stop. Why in god's name would you stop masturbating? And some people even use it "for revenge". "Well, if my spouse wont have sex with me, then I'll masturbate and get them back." lol

 

You know people, it really is ok to touch yourself, just to do it. And believe it or not, some people even find masturbating a turn on and it leads to some great sex.

 

I'm trying to picture myself in a relationship where masturbating is "not allowed" and I have to say that I'd be one horrendously pissed off witch.

 

So, I'm interested in instances where one partner has told the other that they cannot pleasure themselves and what the reasoning is behind it.

[Kinkz]

I think some men find it offensive when their girls do it because it may make him feel insecure about him not having enough magic touch to satisfy her hence she has to pleasure herself.

[midnightrambler]

what if a guy is wanking it so much he has nothing left for the missus

[Catdancer]

what if a guy is wanking it so much he has nothing left for the missus

 

THen there is a definate problem in their relationship that goes beyond just "wanking it".

[Kinkz]

No girl would want a prolific wanker of a husband anyways.

[Cognitive_Canine]

I don't understand it either Catdancer.

 

Porn use rules also confound me. I understand if it's getting in the way of the sex life or if the porn in question is alarming (child, bizarre, degrading).

 

But, I often see threads on here where the OP says 'porn isn't allowed'.

[KG]

We incorporate it into our phone sex.

[IphigeniaSaysHi]

Everyone has the right to have rules and whatnot for sex, but don't be surprised when troubles sprout up because you're acting like his mother instead of SO. Eeek porn, don't masturbate!!

[fLuiD]

I masturbate from little to not at all while I am in a relationship. Not because anything, but I guess I don't feel the need to since my sexual needs are being satisfied. Of course there are times where its impossible to have sex, so masturbation does the trick. Not sure why people look down on masturbation so much..

[Catdancer]

I don't understand it either Catdancer.

 

Porn use rules also confound me. I understand if it's getting in the way of the sex life or if the porn in question is alarming (child, bizarre, degrading).

 

But, I often see threads on here where the OP says 'porn isn't allowed'.

 

Exactly! I just read another one of these, where the OP thinks that their partner is "getting revenge" by masturbating because she has a small vibe. And then she threw the vibe away. I dont understand. Vibes are meant to be played with by couples as well as by yourself. And porn is erotic when used to stimulate and turn on couples. Now, some people take it too far into addiction, but I'm not talking about extreme addiction cases.

[CatsMeeoow]

Everyone's tastes are different. Doesn't make anyone right or wrong. It would be rare for me to masturbate when I'm in a relationship frankly because sex with another person is always more satisfying than alone.

 

I think everyone has the right to do it on occasion but if you find yourself doing it 3 to 4 times daily and well there isn't anything happening with your partner, I think that's a problem. I think most people lean towards its taboo because they envision that scenario.

[Sanesoul]

There's nothing wrong with it, nor should there be. The same with porn. I don't care if my hubby looks at it. We have opposite shifts and only two weekends a month where we are actually together.

[Catdancer]

Everyone's tastes are different. Doesn't make anyone right or wrong. It would be rare for me to masturbate when I'm in a relationship frankly because sex with another person is always more satisfying than alone.

 

I think everyone has the right to do it on occasion but if you find yourself doing it 3 to 4 times daily and well there isn't anything happening with your partner, I think that's a problem. I think most people lean towards its taboo because they envision that scenario.

 

Oh I understand "different strokes for different folks" (pun intended...lol) and I do agree that I find sex with a partner more satisfying then masturbating, but there are times when I'm feeling horny, I'm alone and I want to get off. lol

 

I guess I've always thought that touching yourself was just something that most people enjoy, and that you certainly wouldnt stop once you have a partner. But then I read alot of threads on here, where the wife has forbidden masturbating and or porn use and then they find that their partner has looked at porn and they are ready to divorce them. I'm like...what?

[hexaemeron]

Again, this problem of "NO PORN IT'S CHEATING" totally boils down to "I've placed the expectation on you to completely prop up my self-esteem and you can't do that if you're looking at someone else"

 

That's why they always freak out. Because their entire sense of self gets thrown into a tailspin, having outsourced their own personal responsibility to be a confident person to someone else.

[d24]

i, like many men, am extremely visual.

therefore, if i do that, i'm going to want some porn, just can't do it without (lame imagination).

 

porn is banned in our house (insecurities?)

 

therefore she's essentially banned me from doing that. indirectly of course.

[kenshinkitten]

The only real problem I have with masturbation is when he chooses to do that over having sex with me. Like unexpected dry spells that last a week or so for no reason to my knowledge, or I come onto him and he turns me down but then when I leave he watches porn. I have a high sex drive but get almost no pleasure from masturbating so I need to have sex...

As long as he makes time for my needs he can do whatever he wants.

[obs]

This is one of those things I'd consider a deal breaker in a relationship. Having similar views on sex is pretty important.

[kyivish]

My ex didn't like it when I masturbated, she'd didn't get mad, more like if I didn't masturbate for a week she'd be happy and excited. And its odd cause really I could masturbate in the morning and have sex with her at night and still be able to function and preform. This might cross the line but for some reason she liked it when I had more volume to my semen.

[x_LilMess]

I think masturbation is completely normal in a relationship. haha I'd die if someone told me I couldnt! lol.

[midnightrambler]

I think masturbation is completely normal in a relationship. haha I'd die if someone told me I couldnt! lol.

 

i may do it when i get home this afternoon

[I_Speak_Jive]

Good Lord! For real? I have never ever read anything of the sort here (I guess I need to come around more often), but WHAT!? Masturbation not allowed in a relationship?

 

Why!?

 

Is it one of those "It offends me because since I am in a relationship with you, I demand complete and eternal exclusive control over your entire sexuality" type of things, like the infamous porn issue?

 

Well slap my ass and call me Susie. Who knew.

 

I agree with Catdancer. I think masturbating while in a relationship is OK. Here is a short list of other completely natural things that humans do that I also find acceptable in a relationship:

 

- Sneezing

 

- Napping

 

- Chewing

 

- Rubbing your head if you bump it against something

 

There are many more. But I don't want to come accross as too permisive right now or people will think I am heartless.

[Cognitive_Canine]

 

Well slap my ass and call me Susie. Who knew.

 

 

I died.

 

And, yes, you do need to come around more often.

[hexaemeron]

See, I really absolutely agree here. Think of a relationship like a flower. A flower will only bloom if all the right ingredients are present. Rich soil, water, sunlight, etc. It will not bloom for anyone who's screaming at it "BLOOM FOR ME NOW. YOUR BEAUTY IS MINE ALONE AND WILL BE ON MY TERMS!"

[Catdancer]

i, like many men, am extremely visual.

therefore, if i do that, i'm going to want some porn, just can't do it without (lame imagination).

 

porn is banned in our house (insecurities?)

 

therefore she's essentially banned me from doing that. indirectly of course.

 

And you readily agreed to this? Do you do it in secret? If so, what would happen if your wife found out? Does she see mastutbating as "evil" or "nasty"?

 

I know I'm asking alot of questions, but I'm genuinely curious.

[oldenoughtoknow]

Oh I understand "different strokes for different folks" (pun intended...lol) and I do agree that I find sex with a partner more satisfying then masturbating, but there are times when I'm feeling horny, I'm alone and I want to get off. lol

 

I guess I've always thought that touching yourself was just something that most people enjoy, and that you certainly wouldnt stop once you have a partner. But then I read alot of threads on here, where the wife has forbidden masturbating and or porn use and then they find that their partner has looked at porn and they are ready to divorce them. I'm like...what?

 

Agree, agree. I only rarely masturbate when I'm in a relationship, because I strive to have happy, healthy relationships. I do my part to make her happy, and I expect her to do the same for me. And of course, that includes a very active sex life. Because of that, the only times I masturbate are as you stated: when I'm feeling horny, I'm alone and I want to get off. If she's anywhere near me, she is always my first choice.

 

I've also read some threads on ENA that seem like they must be coming from Mars (relative to my world.) I couldn't imagine being in a relationship where occasional, regular porn and masturbation was taboo. Scr*w you, lady - I only accept directives that make sense to me. Likewise, I couldn't imagine being with a partner who used porn and masturbated several times a week, really not even bothering to conceal it, and simultaneously wasn't "putting out" enough to satisfy me. If you'd rather do that than have sex with me...nope, this absolutely won't work for me, goodbye.

 

I guess it comes down to the old adage "everything in moderation." Extreme viewpoints rarely work in the real world.