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Need some advice! Weird situation though I still want my ex back

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I'm warning you now, this is a long story and I really don't know what to do, and this includes after just over 30 days of NC.


I started seeing my ex at the end of December 2009. He's part of a group of friends I am quite close with and have known for around 2/3years, yet I had never met or been introduced to this guy until December. There was instantly a connection and attraction and we swapped numbers that very night. We texted, flirted, then met up and kissed, and things went from there. We barely argued and were extremely happy, even with his friends and family commenting on how happy I had made him. The difficult bit was that I go to university about 2 1/2 hours train and car journey away, whilst he has a job at my home town, but I still saw him for a couple of days every week or so (free train travel). It was going wonderfully, we had an amazing sex life and just worked really well together. The longest we went without seeing each other was 3 weeks, but that night he told me how much he missed me and we fell into each others arms. I was just so incredibly happy and was falling for him, with him feeling the same way.


Then in the middle of April, the last weekend we spent together as a couple was amazing, he was so loving as always, kept kissing me on my head and cheek, stroking my leg as we rode the train together, everything. Even when he had had a bad day at work, the Friday before he dumped me on the Tuesday, he still paid for a taxi into town just to see me. He got a little drunk and told me how beautiful I was and how much he liked me. Up until the day he dumped me he still kissed me first and initiated sex. I dropped him off at his dads on Sunday after the weekend together, we texted and on Monday evening he asked if I wanted to go for lunch with him on the Tuesday and that he was really looking forward to seeing me. Then on Tuesday, the 20th April, he acted a bit cold on that one day though still kissed me when he first saw me, and suddenly out of the blue dumped me. His reasons were that his feelings had changed and he no longer felt in his heart the same way, and that he thought I liked him more than he liked me. Through the whole thing he kept holding my hand, kissing my fingers, neck and head, holding me and stroking my leg. He kept wiping away my tears as well as his own, and kept asking me what was I thinking about. He also said he still found me attractive and saw me as more than a friend. I asked if there was any way of us trying to stay together, but he would look down for a minute or so then shake his head, saying he didn't think it would change his mind set. He then left after we kissed on the lips saying 'Goodbye sweetheart.' I was devastated.


It took him a week to finally tell his friends and one of his best friends he told we 'kinda' broke up. All of his best friends were shocked as he hadn't mentioned one bad word against me and wouldn't stop telling them how much he liked me and how happy I made him. Even his friends said we worked well together and that I shouldn't give up on him. I didn't know what to do. I didn't get into contact as I feared driving him further away.


Then exactly a week after he had dumped me, he rang me asking if I wanted to meet up with him that Thursday for a drink. I agreed and we ended up talking on the phone for about 15minutes, and he kept asking me how I had been and what had I been up to etc just lots of questions and telling me how he hadn't really been out and such, even what time he had got in from the one night out with his friends. I ended the phone call. Then on Thursday he texted me sorting out where to meet and what time but wouldn't put any 'x's on the end of his texts. We met up and talked and it was fine, he brought up the split briefly but only saying he thought my best friend would hate him and that his best friend was annoyed at not being told for nearly a week. When I drove him home after, he stayed in my car just talking, then we hugged and he said 'Goodbye sweetheart' again. That night I texted him saying 'Hey, thanks for the drinks, was good to see you x' and he instantly replied with 'Hey, no problem, was good to see you too x'. But that night I found out he hadn't told his friends he was seeing me and even lied about it, as well as asking one of his best friends to come along as well. On Saturday I texted him asking if he wanted to go to the cinema and he replied saying that he had already made plans, but also that he wouldn't feel comfortable going to the cinema and being just us two as it was too soon. No 'x's again. I was so confused as only 2 days ago it had just been us two!


I replied saying that I understood and that I hoped he had a good evening with his brother. Since then there has been no contact but I have also since returned to university for my exams. He's gone from posting no status's on facebook to posting ones quite regularly on what he is doing and even spoke to my best friend briefly on facebook. He keeps saying what a great weekend he has had etc, which he never used to do. There are no girls involved at all, he doesn't fancy anyone or mentioned anyone or texting or even met up with any other girls. But still no contact. By the time I come back to our home town for the summer, it would be around 2months since we last spoke. I still have his DVDs.


I was wondering if I should get back in contact as I'm worried that as I'm not in our hometown yet, its a case of 'out of sight, out of mind'. So I wondered if I should send a short, friendly text joking about the fact his favourite TV show has now come to an end. Is this a lost cause?? I just don't know what to do!

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I don't know how you can be with someone who dumped you. Unless he was blackmailed into doing it or had some weird reason where he still liked you, I probably wouldn't do anything. If you try to move on with your life, soon HE will be the one missing you and then come back. As the dumpee you shouldn't be begging for him to come back.


You will come accross a lot of things where you'll want to text him about or make a comment about something. The best thing really is to move on.

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I did a bad thing and texted him. Was so weird, got a friendly long reply like 8mins after the message but I was in the cinema at the time so didn't get it for 2hours. I replied instantly but have had no reply now bordering on 3hours, and I know he's awake and in his phone and he messaged one of my friends on facebook like an hour ago via his phone.


Whats with the half arsed attempt? Why bother replying and asking questions in your message when your not going to reply again?? Urgh

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It sounds like he's being attentive when he's possibly missing you...but that's about it.


I went through this hula-hoop farce of communication for a while, and sure, it might allow you to feel better temporarily, and sure he feels better cause his itch is scratched, but ultimately he's put you in the "not priority" list.

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Very odd, last night after I wrote that message I though fine, this is obviously not meant to be, I am a wonderful woman and I can get through this! I sent one last text saying basically that I hope everything is good with him and that was it. I went to sleep vowing to no longer care about what happened.


Then he replied at 8.30am this morning before he went to work, asking more questions, explaining why he didn't reply last night and ending the message with a ' '



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