Forget the games...If it is meant to be, it will be

[Maramoan]

I have gone down the N/C road, the L/C road and did the whole get new hobbies and go out there stuff recommended on alot of the reconciliation forums and oddly enough these methods do seem to work ...But I found I didn't really like the process. I enjoyed the hobbies and such, yet I found keeping all those methods at the back of my mind making me feel like I was trying to push the natural flow of healing and love. To be honest, alot of these sites make me feel more like a con artist than someone who really wished for a second chance.

 

Then I found this relatively simple how to site :

 

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I feel it combines some of the good advice of N/C, i.e remember to love yourself but also emphasis to not make something more than it is, to just let things be.

 

Lately when I think of him, I just kind of wish him the best, yet know he may never come back. Yet knowing the love I put out there is in the universe, makes me happy, cause I'm living in the positive.

[nguyenal]

This is a great post. Just learn to flow with the nature. Stop doing something that does not work and just try to live a good life. The key points are "respect and dignity." So try to respect yourself and live a life with dignity. If they left you on the side of the road, then it shouldn't be you that beg for them back. If they will not work to come back to you, then screw them. You are moving on and try to be as happy as you can and enjoying your life. There are others that care for you.

 

If it was their faults that the relationship went downhill, then NEVER EVER try to get them back. Make them work for it.

[learning2relax]

I hear you. There are a lot of posts where people are in the beginning and looking for the way to get them back. Then there are those that are well in and very negative and give advice that is very black and white. Things in relationships and the possibility of reconciliation are gray. Hard to be black and white and I can't think that the black and white has a high probability of success.

 

Ultimately, NC is a way for you to heal. Not to get them back. You have to trust your gut and listen to your internal voice and do what is right for you. When we are in shock, panic and anxiety, that internal voice is responding to what is going on inside of you and NC helps to quiet that down.

 

There are positive people. I don't come here to look for ways to do things or fix things. It helps me to know that there are people here that are going through what I am and are having some of the same struggles. Personalities and relationships are so different so there is nothing that one person says that they do and "works" that you can count on to work for you.

 

Take care and best wishes on your journey to healing.

[kittykat_12]

I definitely believe in listening to that inner voice... or as I like to call them "Whispers from God"... I especially believe in them and act accordingly when one day I tell myself "I promise myself NOT to send an email or respond to the ex"... and then the next day I feel so compelled to do just that and the outcome always surprises me. I've never regretted any of the actions I've taken over the last 7 weeks post-breakup. They were all acts of respect, dignity and confidence.

 

This is the first breakup I've ever had where I actually still feel there is something there. My last relationship, when he ended things the first time I immediately went NC. After one month of that, it became soooo much easier and the desire to even want to hear from him had completely disappeared. He eventually came back (2 months later) and we dove right back into the relationship... bigg mistake. I finally ended it for good almost a year later.

 

This most recent breakup has been different. Still to this day, my inner voice is telling me something is there... I haven't really acted on it as I'm just cruising along with whatever is coming my way. It feels right and I know I'm doing the right thing.

 

There are days where I contemplate giving him the ultimatum (all or nothing) because I'm tired of the back-and-forth flirting and would like some clarity. But at the same time, deep down in my heart I truly care for this guy and will ultimately wait for him (although he doesn't need to know this). Our conversations have been so positive, playful and healthy so I'm ok with the pace we're going. If in this process, I reach a point where I no longer feel anything towards him, I will be sure to let him know. But as it stands, we're moving very slowly even though the topic of reconciliation hasn't officially been brought up... We shall see

[learning2relax]

When it comes to the ultimatum - consider what your objective is and if the ultimatum will help you to accomplish that or could it backfire and the probability of you achieving your objective is greatly reduced. When I was younger - I was big into this - I have grown up (44 years old) and I work very hard to not do this as much as possible. It is a terrible habit and the majority of the time, you don't get what you are hoping to when issuing it.

 

I agree - he doesn't need to know that you are waiting for him as this really puts the relationship you have now out of balance and you don't have clear boundaries that he can respect and you end up hurt in the long run.

 

If through your process of feeling, you lose your feelings for him or interest in a committed relationship, you don't need to tell him. When they dump you, they don't need us to "tell" them the status update on where we are at with them. They unsubscribed from that newsfeed. The irony is that he will most likely feel it without you saying anything and that is when he may decide that he doesn't want to lose you and approach you again. It is uncanny how this happens. Even when people don't talk or interact. It is as if the universe sent some kind of soundwave out that the ex picks up on and reacts to.

 

I wish you the best. Try and work on healing yourself and not so much on your waiting for him. If he does come back you will be in a healthier place for the relationship to have greater success the second time around if you do.

[Maramoan]

One thing I have learn recently...sometimes it is when you are healing yourself when the road brings you to the place you thought long gone. I agree don't give ultimatums.