Update: I will NOT give up hope!

[Belts]

So last time I posted here I told you guys about a phone conversation I had with my ex. Most of you were very negative about it. The best suggestion I got was to go NIC, and that's what I've done.

 

Today she texted me and told me that her first day at her new job was alright, but a little lame. I replied and asked her how everything else is going for her. She told me she got her hair cut and sent me 2 pictures of herself with her new hair. Of course I got all butterfly-stomachy upon seeing the pictures, and as I was typing my response, she says, "...any thoughts?" I told her she looks very cute and sexy, and that I miss her. She told me she misses me, too. I asked her if she still doesn't mind me calling her sweetie, since the last time we talked she was calling me lovie. These are the pet names we have used for each other, and only each other. She told me that she doesn't mind, but to keep it at a friendly tone. I shot the * * * * with her for a few more minutes, and avoided calling her sweetie. After a few minutes, she stopped responding. I of course thought that maybe I freaked her out by bringing up the sweetie thing, so I sent her one last text saying, "Well, I'm glad you're doing OK. I'll leave you alone now. Have a good night, and keep in touch. I purposely avoided calling her sweetie. She again did not respond. After about 20 minutes, she finally texted me saying, "Sorry, I was driving to (town 20 minutes away from her town) and I didn't want to crash and burn. Thank you for texting me, lovie! You have a good night, too!"

 

Well, I don't know what to make of this, but I have a good feeling that she is doing this whole break up thing to see if I will finally get a job. I don't expect her to come running right back right now, as the main reason she left me is because I have been jobless due to my lack of motivation for so long, and I still don't have one. I do love her, though. Very much. And I know she loves me. Besides the whole job thing, our relationship with nothing less than amazing. Anyway, it's back to NIC. She's got a lot on her plate, so I'll let her contact me when she wants to.

 

I'm doing a good job on focusing on myself, and getting a job. I am sure I will have one within the coming weeks. I have given up old, bad habits, and taken on more positive ones. I get in about 5 applications a day, and some, more.

 

She even told me, when she was very upset at me about a week ago for something we have since and permanently cleared up, that I could call her when I have a job for more than 2 weeks, and she'll give me a chance. I of course do not bring this up in the conversations we have now, I just hope that's still the case. I am going to let it ride. When I get a job, if she's still talking to me, I'll let her know.

[juxa]

I must say that... The whole 'I will give you another chance if you have a job for more than 2 weeks' it's a bit wishy washy. The fact that she feels she can dictate your chances within that kind of reasoning is clearing showing a lack of insight of how she really feels emotionally in herself and you.

 

If you want to bring some balance back.. And that is what you need to have if there is any chance. You need to just get your job and then let her find out from you how good you feel about it. Don't make her think you're trying to make her feel good since she has kinda orchistrated this idea that you have to win her back in this way. She's in control and you are not. Even when you get a job, she will still be in control. I would stop with the sweetie thing as it's a bit of a comfort blanket for you at the moment thinking it will bring her closer but it wont. I'm sure you didn't call her sweetie when you first went on a date. Love isn't about control, it's quite the opposite and at the moment she's in and you're out. Don't pamper her ego.

[Belts]

Yeah, I can definitely see your point. I need to show her that she is not in control of my life. Just because I am doing my best to get a job now, does not mean that I am doing it solely for her. I need a job for myself. I am 23 years old, and have only worked a job for 1 year when I was 18/19... That's really pathetic. Like I said, I will not contact her, she can contact me. I won't say sweetie anymore, and I will only treat her as an acquaintance for now.

 

I guess I just worry that her feelings for me will have totally faded by the time I get a job. That can't be true, though, right? I mean, we dated for 2 1/2 years, and she always told me and everyone else that she loves me more than anything and I make her feel like she has something to live for, but she just wishes I could work and support my half, like she does hers'. It definitely got to the point where she was paying for me more than she should have been, and I don't blame her for getting fed up. I just hope that when I am working again, that she will see I am still the guy she always loved and had so much fun with.

[Belts]

Also, her trying to still be in control after the break-up shows that she DOES still care, right? I mean, if she didn't, she would have totally blocked me out of her life like all her past ex's. She still talks to me and tells me she loves me, but she wants us to both get back on the right track with our lives, and she thinks that as long as we are together with the stress we had built up, we would continue to hurt ourselves. I am totally on the same page.

 

It's been 2 1/2 weeks, I know, not very long at all. But she told me the day of the break up that she will never let another guy get close to her heart again. I know that people always say that, but she is still single, and she's still keeping contact with me. With her past ex's, she immediately broke off contact and found a rebound.

[mmmd]

this will end very poorly for you.

 

your rationalization skills are strong.

 

i'd tell you to ignore her and move on, but you won't. prepare for heart break

[Belts]

My heart is already broken, and I'm doing my best to heal it. If you guys really think I should ignore her, then I will.

 

I know that it's not out of the question that she could be playing games with me. I guess I'll just try my best to continue living and doing things for myself. Maybe if she sees that I have moved on, she will realize she no longer has this control over me, and maybe SHE will want to reconcile.

 

It's going to be very hard, but I realize it's the best thing I can do.

 

I'm still not going to give up all hope, not now. The job she got is a job I worked at before, and it is a VERY hard job. It's a call center job for an internet service provider. I got fired because I could not keep up on the phones, and I had too many people cancel their subscription. She is not a technical person, and she very anti-social. I know for a fact that she is not cut out for it. I will let her do her thing, and maybe when this job falls through for her, and she sees I am back on my feet, she will come back... idk...

[Belts]

Yes. That's exactly what I am going to do. I am going to ignore every attempt from her at meaningless conversation. I am in control now. If she doesn't care that I'm ignoring her, and gives up, then I will know she has been playing games. If she gets really upset, though, then what should I do? Should I continue to ignore her? Or should I inform her in some way that it is too hard for me to continue these conversations that just get my hopes up only to be shattered again?

 

Advice, please. Thank you.

[RockyRaccoon]

I can't say that i know your backstory or anything, or if you still want to try to remain friends with her, but if it were me, this is what i would do. Ignore her attempts at conversation. If she just stops altogether, then you have your answer, she's no longer interested. If she gets upset or asks if you're alright, etc. then just tell her, "Look, i don't want to just be "friends" with you. I have serious feelings for you and you either reciprocate or you don't. If you don't, then that's fine, but leave me alone if you don't so i can move on."

 

If you end up following my advice, then don't sugar coat what i said. You can change the wording, but make sure she knows you're being serious and stern about this. Be strong about it.