Jump to content

One year living together...problems...need to decide in 2 days to sign new lease or break-up?


Recommended Posts

We were friends for three years, started dating 1.5 years ago and moved in together to a new city a year ago.

 

Since moving, my bf has not had a job. Our relationship is suffering on many levels because he sits around and cannot afford to go out, travel, buy anything besides bare essentials etc. His self esteem has suffered and he has drained $25K so far in savings...and still he "can't find a job". I feel as though as long as he pays his share of the bills, it is none of my business how he chooses to live his life...but this is getting ridiculous! An engagement ring, wedding, home ownership together etc is not even on the horizon. We are both 34, my clock is ticking and I am starting to feel hopeless.

 

I would feel better about his unemployment if he did more than his share around the house, ran our errands, made FREE romantic gestures or made my life easier in some way as I work full-time (do groceries, take in my dry cleaning). Instead he goes to the gym and calls it a day. His lack of ambition and initiative is causing me stress and unhappiness.

 

Furthermore, I find his style of communication (if you can call it that) antagonistic, harsh and close-ended; let's just say I get a lot of one word answers like 'no', blank facial expressions and non-negotiable statements whenever I try to address our issues. He accuses me of being a gold-digger and wanting material things over his love when I try to motivate him to find work and says that my crying is a manipulation tactic and is wearing thin.

 

I love him and the thought of breaking up makes me sick...but I get anxiety at the thought of continuing on like this. He is planning on starting firefighting school in September so maybe things will improve once he's found some purpose and gets out of the house? Our lease is up now and we are about to move to a dream condo thanks to an aquaintance who is giving us a huge break on an otherwise really unaffordable unit. I am so excited about the place which I could never have on my own. I don't want to let the opportunity of living in an ocean front sub-penthouse go! However, I'm not sure if we can work through the above.

 

I am supposed to meet our new landlord in two days: Do I sign the lease, take the bad with the good and hope for the best or suffer through what will be a very painful break-up, live on my friend's couch and start over alone in a new city?

Link to comment

I would keep my real estate choices and relationship decisions separate. I would not position myself to be evicted and suffer harm to my credit should BF's money run out and he can't pay his share of the rent. I would seek an apartment that I could afford to maintain with or without BF's payment. This would leave me room to decide where I stand in my relationship based on its own merits and in my own time--not because I need someone to cover half my rent.

Link to comment

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...