Girlfriend brings up past sex exploits and then is unable to do them with me

[angelo82]

I hope I don't come off as a selfish/jerk/immature, but I may. But I'd like some perspective on if I'm overreacting.

 

So when my girlfriend and I were first together and making out she would whisper things to me in an attempt of a turn on. For example she asked me if I'd like to "skull-" her. I asked if she was serious and she said flippantly she'd done it before so it wasn't that big a deal. Then she also said something about me " in her and watching the drip out." (yeah. I was amazed too at the dirtiness of the comment too, lol. I hadn't said anything close to this dirty to her). Again, I'm like, "Whoa. You're down with that?" And she said, "Sure." Later on (maybe a month later) we were at a Spencer's in the mall and we passed by the sex items. She pointed to a tube of "Tushy Tamer" (anal lube) and casually said, "Oh. I've used that before."

 

At this point despite having sex for weeks we didn't do any of the things talked about before. She said I was too large for the skull and anal. So at Spencer's when she pointed out about the particular brand of anal lube she had used with a previous bf I kind of went, "Meh.." in my head.

 

Another thing is that she won't swallow, even though she says she did for previous boyfriends. She says her allergies make it hard for her. I look at it as a kind of rejection. At least do it one time (we've been dating 6 months and she never has).

 

Once we were watching family guy and a joke about foot jobs came up. She said she had done that before. I had never had one. Well, fast-forward a couple months and during foreplay I asked her if I could get a foot job. She grinned and sarcastically said, "OH WOW! YOU'RE A FREAK!!" It was kind of a buzzkill for me, as I sit there thinking, "uh... you're the one who's actually done it before and you're calling me a freak???" So at that point I wasn't really into it anymore. Then she kind of goaded me and said I was the more kinkier of the two of us (even though she's had multiple threesomes; I've never had one. She's had sex in parks and a movie theater; I've never done anything like that. I asked her, "what makes me kinkier?" She said that I've done anal more times than her. Then she said I was kinkier because I lost my virginity to someone who wasn't a virgin (???) Still trying to figure that one out lol. She lost hers to another virgin and she thinks it's odd that I didn't also.

 

So we're at 6 months and have yet to do (even try) the skull, anal, footjob, and swallowing. These aren't things that I want to become commonplace. Just try once. And here's where my jerky selfish whatever you want to call it comes into play - I'm jealous that she did these acts with ex bf's and won't at least do them once with me. Maybe it's like a dog marking it's territory thing. I don't know. But she's the one that put these images in my head of her and her exes. I think of the things she whispered to me and think (I assume they were things her exes liked and that's why she tried to turn me on with them) of her doing these things with her exes.

 

I realize due to the size problem, skull is not going to happen. So I've never really bothered her about it. And the threesome thing doesn't really bother me. She's done it before with a boyfriend (I think she was forced into it and it was regrettable for her) and I've already told her I would never want to do something like that with someone I care about (her). I've expressed how I feel to her but I've always told her I don't want her to do anything she's uncomfortable with.

 

Before you all jump on me with "how would you like it if she wanted you to do something uncomfortable" etc.. well, she likes to be rough and bite and scratch me. It hurts like hell and it's not really my thing but I let her do it because I know she likes it. I'm also very giving in bed. I always hold out until she gets hers.

[FathomFear]

So we're at 6 months and have yet to do (even try) the skull****, anal, footjob, and swallowing. These aren't things that I want to become commonplace. Just try once.

 

So what's been the issue? Why haven't they happened? Are you waiting for her to initiate? Have you talked about what you want?

[botticelli]

She's a jerk for bringing them up with you so many times in the first place.. and then so many excuses. I get the feeling she is all talk/bragging.

[angelo82]

So what's been the issue? Why haven't they happened? Are you waiting for her to initiate? Have you talked about what you want?

 

I've brought them up before but since I didn't want to come off as overbearing or forcing I would do it once in a blue moon. I explained to her that it would mean a lot if we just tried the stuff once. So basically it reached the point where I stopped bringing it up. I had been hoping she would initiate at some point.

[nutbrownhare]

Yes, my guess is that she hasn't actually done them before - or, if she has, that she was really, really not into it. She may well be less experienced overall than she's making out here too. You don't say how old you are but she sounds very young.

 

As you say, just repeat 'Meh ...' inside your head. Enjoy the stuff you do share between you, and don't take her refusal to do the other stuff personally. Though you do have the right to refuse to be bitten, scratched or hurt in any other way - nobody should have to endure physical abuse because 'the other person likes it'.

[Mauxly]

If you are too big for the skull thing you are probably too big for the anal. Kind of sucks for the well endowed.

 

But I agree that she was a jerk for bringing it up. Don't get her motivation. I also wonder if she's as experienced as she tries to make herself out to be. She sounds kind of immature.

[greywolf]

I call BS on all her 'experience'.

[OptomisticGirl]

I"m with greywolf. If I tell my man something like that, I'm following up on it.

 

Sounds like she was trying to impress you and told you what she THOUGHT you wanted to hear and either a) is too shy and inexperienced to actually do it or b) is caught in a lie and is afraid she won't like it. Then she's left to admit the truth to you.

 

I wouldn't feel bad about her having done it with other guys. I doubt she has.

[Lucius]

She sounds insecure to me.

 

My guess is that she's trying to overcompensate for that insecurity by appearing to be more sexually confident and experienced than she is. I'm seeing trepidation and anxiety disguised as a kind of sexual worldliness.

[rocio]

What the heck is "skull"? I'm dying to know.

[KG]

I call BS on all her 'experience'.

 

Me too..................!

[Scott12]

What the heck is "skull"? I'm dying to know.

 

Basically it's the girl giving oral to the guy either while she lays on her back or while she sits or kneels in front of him. However, instead of her sucking on him, he thrusts into her mouth. So, therefore, he skull _ _ _ _s her. Although, in my experience skull _ _ _ _ing has a quite different connotation.

 

Scott

[Cognitive_Canine]

I call BS on all her 'experience'.

 

I second this. (or third or fourth...A lot of people agree here)

 

OP, you need to have a serious talk with your girlfriend. Sounds like she's insecure and is trying to impress you or something.

[Day_Walker]

I think that her past sexual exploits are questionable just based on the fact that she refuses to do them with you. I dont see this as your issue but I see it as hers. Personally I would treat these past sexual exploits as having never existed.

[oldenoughtoknow]

I agree with the consensus. In my experience, people who tend to brag or consistently leak out TMI (especially when left unsubstantiated), are deeply insecure and trying hide behind a grossly overstated facade.

[angelo82]

While I've noticed she does have an insecure personality, I seriously don't think she was lying about most of these things.

 

For example, we had been dating around 4 months and we had a talk about bj's. I told her I thought it was strange that I hadn't gotten one from her ever (start to finish). I said it would turn me on if she could swallow. She said her allergies were bad and that my load is too much etc... Well after a kind of tense discussion for a little while I asked if she ever swallowed for previous bf's. She could have easily just lied right then and there to get me off her back but she said in a shaky voice with trepidation, "yeahhhh..."

 

Also, I think alcohol has made a big difference. One of her other arguments against anal is that, "she was drunk the times she's ever done it." She's only been drunk one time around me in the near 7 months we've dated. I think during college there was a period of low self esteem and she was drunk aloooooot. So that may factor into why she did those things then.

 

And to give her some credit, she's been pretty giving sexually overall. Pretty much up to try most things. Even will toss my salad without much hesitation. But I just wish she could have owned up on her previous claims/things she's done with others.

[greywolf]

So she didn't bring up blowjobs on her own. You were the one that asked her about it. You expect her to lie to you after you asked her a straight question? Just because she's done it in the past doesn't mean she's required to do it now.

[arise_shine]

You two need to communicate. Calmly and rationally and honestly .. not when you're "in the moment," but when you're calm and relaxed. "It bothers me that you've talked about [fill in the blank] with other guys, but you won't with me..." The answer could very well be that she tried it, but didn't like it, now regrets it, etc.

 

And the allergies thing can be serious. A couple of different women I've been with have had allergies to (for example) cats. I wouldn't force them to cuddle up with a cat just because they tried it when they were younger (and subsequently got sick for 3 days).

[Awe-some]

She sounds like a tease.

[AbombSnowMan]

I think you should just have a talk with her. Tell her whats bothering you, explain it to her and see what happens. Maybe theres some things she wants from you too

[angelo82]

Small update: We were talking about this stuff last night. I said how it felt she was dangling a carrot in front of my face by telling me those things and not doing them... and how pointing out what anal lube she's used before in front of me made me a little "meh." Well, she said she "hasn't done it more than 10 times" (but a few months ago she said she'd only "done it 2 times when she was drunk." So I'm like, "10 times?" Then she said, "Um.. It's hard to remember... Probably like 5 times. But it's not like I did it with a boyfriend. Like 4 times were with a buddy and once was a one-night stand." (this I think was supposed to make me feel better since it wasn't a bf or w/e, but it kind of makes me feel a little worse - that it was just some random buddy' guy she did it with over and over...)

 

Then I said, "So uh.. the thing you whispered about watching cum drip out... Are you saying you had unprotected anal sex with just a buddy? She said, "Well. I didn't think of that as unprotected sex. I just thought vaginal sex with a condom was 'protected.' " I was thinking like, yikes..! I asked when the last time she was tested was (she got pissed). She said she was tested a couple months before with went out. I swear that she told me when we first met that she was tested a year before though..

 

I was also a little wierded-out because when my gf got on birth control around 6 months ago she said "I was the first one to cum inside her." And she made this huge deal about it. Well I said it was kind of a half-truth since that guy came in her ass. When I said that she got pretty upset.

 

She says she's been trying to do it with me but her form of trying consists of me putting one finger in, with lube, just a couple inches, and her saying, "Stop. It hurts." Just lots of little half-truths and changed stories here...

[Sparkly Eyes]

I don't like the fact that you want her to do it with you just because she has done it before. I've done it, I didn't like it and I'm not gonna do it with every new sex partner from now on so he feels better about himself, that's stupid!

 

Your gf also is not very smart bringing these up. It seems like she lies very easily. I highly recommend you make her get tested again.

[angelo82]

If she could do it multiple times before with someone she didnt even care about, is it not too much to ask that she do it just once with me (and SHEEEE'S the one that brought it up first and promised also!)

[Puckdog27]

I once heard a comedian tell a joke something like this

 

When you ask your girlfriend for anal sex, your going to get one of 2 responses....the preferred response is 'I dunno, never done it....wont it hurt' the one you dont want is 'I thought you'd never ask big boy....DRIVE IT IN ME LIKE A MACK TRUCK'

 

I would find out how many truck rides she had....and wear protection...cause if guys have been finishing in her and watching it drip out.....

[Puckdog27]

You do see the pattern of lies here.....I wouldnt give her the benefit of the doubt that she is lying and hasnt done those things. I would assume she had and get myself tested ASAP