If you chose not to delete the ex from FB beware of email notifications!!!

[Live-N-Learn]

I am on day 36 of NC and last night I was checking my email and there it was. A notification from FB that my ex used one of the tagged pictures I sent her for her profile pic. I forgot I would be notified when this happened and now have turned off the notifications.

 

Of course my heart started beating and I could not resist to see which of the many pics of us she chose to use. Basically she cut out most of me but left me partially in the profile pic with her. It has my cheek against hers and my eye and part of my face in the pic. She did this once before the day I went NC but completely cut me out of the pic.

 

This of course got my mind running as to what it meant and why out of all the pics she has did she feel it so necessary to use one she could not completely cut me out of. She has so many great pics that this makes no sense. I know she likes the pic of herself but if she could not cut me out all together I am very surprised she would chose to use it unless she was trying to get to me.

 

I was doing so good and had not been on her profile in over 3 weeks. Of course while I was there last night I could not resist reading her updates. Nothing real special. Does not look like she is dating anyone.

 

Her latest update happened along with her changing her profile pic to the one I have discussed. Here update said she was getting her own place and may be moving out of the state.

 

She broke NC on week 3 sending me a text saying how much she missed me and now this. I think she is fishing trying to get me to reach out to her. I could be wrong, she may just be that insensitive to post a pic with me in it even partially. I really have no idea what she is thinking.

 

It really makes me want to reach out to her. Please stop me!

[loulou37]

why contact her now when uve done so well? that would just throw away all ure hard work and effort. don't contact her theres no need to!

[mercurial100]

I know how you feel. I am on day 13 on NC and haven't looked at her profile once but I updated my status today and her brother clicked "like" on my status...I saw the surname and even that made my stomach turn!

 

We have 98 mutual friends so I know I am bound to see her name again and again but it's so hard!

[hater13]

it's insensitive of your ex to do that.

 

After my break up I didn't delete my ex and neither did he, but with due time he eventually deleted me as well. I had deleted all the comments he made on my pictures, and previous wall posts from him, I just couldn't bare to look at them anymore. He eventually followed suit and did the same thing. So I encourage you to delete her.

[Live-N-Learn]

why contact her now when uve done so well? that would just throw away all ure hard work and effort. don't contact her theres no need to!

 

I know you are right. I just wish she would reach out to me in a real way and ask to reconcile. These small seemingly meaningless acts cause me to feel hope that she is trying to tell me she still wants me. ](*,) I know I should ignore it and not read into it at all but that is hard to do.

 

I also know that I am supposed to keep healing and not contact her. I just have set backs when she does these types of things. I just know that I would never post a picture that had my ex partially in it with me because I would not want to send the wrong signal or hurt them.

 

Does she just not think about how this might be interpreted by me? Maybe she does and this is exactly what she wanted.

[mercurial100]

I know you are right. I just wish she would reach out to me in a real way and ask to reconcile. These small seemingly meaningless acts cause me to feel hope that she is trying to tell me she still wants me. ](*,) I know I should ignore it and not read into it at all but that is hard to do.

 

I also know that I am supposed to keep healing and not contact her. I just have set backs when she does these types of things. I just know that I would never post a picture that had my ex partially in it with me because I would not want to send the wrong signal or hurt them.

 

Does she just not think about how this might be interpreted by me? Maybe she does and this is exactly what she wanted.

 

To be fair, if you are no longer friends on facebook I doubt she would have twigged that you would receive a notification when she changed her profile?

 

Could it just be a pic she likes and a pic which she doesn't expect you to see now anyway?

 

That doesn't make you feel any better at all, does it?

[loulou37]

i don't think shes even thought about you when shes done it, when she contacts you and says she wants to reconcile then thats when you start talking.

[Flywest29]

Here is a thought, why not get rid of facebook altogether? Is it really something you can't live with out?

[Live-N-Learn]

To be fair, if you are no longer friends on facebook I doubt she would have twigged that you would receive a notification when she changed her profile?

 

Could it just be a pic she likes and a pic which she doesn't expect you to see now anyway?

 

That doesn't make you feel any better at all, does it?

 

We are still friends on FB. I have blocked all her updates and status. I just did not block email notifications if someone uses one of your tagged pictures to them as their profile, I dd not even think to do that. I am sure she does not know I would be notified but I am sure she knows I would see it. I doubt she knows I have not been looking at her profile.

[Live-N-Learn]

i don't think shes even thought about you when shes done it,

 

If this is the case she is one insensitive girl. You never put your ex up in a profile pic not even partially. Especially one with us cheek to cheek with part of my face still in the pic. Very tacky if you ask me.

[loulou37]

maybe she liked the pic, do you think she would know that you would be notified if she used it? i didn't even know that with fb.

[Live-N-Learn]

maybe she liked the pic, do you think she would know that you would be notified if she used it? i didn't even know that with fb.

 

I know she likes the pic of herself. She may not know I would be notified but we are still friends on FB so she knows I would see it if I chose to look at her profile. She does not know I have not looked at her profile in 3 weeks til yesterday. So I just think that it was insensitive or intentional to put up a pic with me in it even partially. If she could not cut me out of the pic she should not have used it. We were too close together and it was our favorite pic together.

 

Either way, I need to let it go and keep my NC going and keep healing. It is just really hard and you wonder why did she put that up there? Was it to get to me? Like I said she has a lot of great pics of herself without me in them.

[Flywest29]

Dude, really? Block her from facebook completely. Maybe take your own advice from the quote you have as your signature, remove yourself from the pain. Believe me the only way to actually do true no contact and start moving on is to remove her from all aspects of your life, even your online life.

[loulou37]

i see what you mean, but i think sometimes we read things wrong because we're the dumpee. i think we want there to be a reason to these things cause we want them to be still thinking bout us.

[Live-N-Learn]

You are both right, I will need to delete her and not look for a reason to hold on. It probobly was just that she really likes the pic and thought nothing of it.

 

I will stop myself now from holding onto imaginary thoughts and get back to reality lol. The reality is if she wanted to come back she would contact me and not be playing stupid picture games. I am reading too much into it.

[adamt]

forget the detail the bigger picture is all that matters.

1) unfriend the ex

2) block the ex

3) if that still causes problems then deactivate facebook for a few months

 

it is the only way to begin to move on with your life. dont look back a year later realising you wasted 6 months on someone

[Little lady]

Scott,

 

 

I don't think you're reading too much into it and I think she is definitely using 'picture' games because if that was me I wouldn't even want that as my FB picture if it showed a time when my ex and I were together and we are physically together in the picture.

 

But you are right, if she did want to reconcile then she'd probably reach out. Maybe she's scared to? Would you want to reconcile w/ her? I know my ex kept reaching out to me and the things she told me hurt me, like calling me beautiful signing her e-mails w/ 'love' and then I just told her to stop because it hurt me, the next e-mail she wrote me was very short and void of any emotion. I'm not sure if I hurt her feelings or not but I couldn't let her keep hurting mine. I know I sent that e-mail yesterday and I didn't feel bad but OH BOY am I feeling the pain today. Haha and yeah I have looked at what I did to open this flood-gate and I do not want it to happen again.

 

So I'm back to square one with the NC at 1 day today and I have to send her a stupid check on friday...and write a small explanation. I was doing so good with NC 3 weeks at a time until she contacted me and I had to contact her and then 3 weeks again and then that ended yesterday.

 

 

Breakups surely do suck. Especially today because I realized all the stuff I have we mutually bought together over the past 5 years and eventually I want to get rid of it all and exchange it, but that's going to take a lot of time..and money.

 

 

So yeah I think she's just playing games and I think my ex is playing games as well...seems like they are very good at this. Even if she doesn't realize she's playing head games I believe she is. If you want to reconcile... I guess I don't know...I guess you would want to tell them, but then again they are the ones that made this decision. But I wonder if they regret it sometimes, I believe in my heart they do.

 

Goodluck man

[Live-N-Learn]

Thank you for not thinking I am crazy and reading into it too much. I have a lot of common sense and I know the type of relationship we had and how special this picture was to us both. There is no way on this planet she posted that picture and did not think about how it would effect me. There are only two options, she does not care how it effects me or she was looking for a reaction. I go with she was looking for a reaction.

 

Many on this site say that it means nothing and as dumpee's we read too much into everything. Well, maybe that is true but not always. I do not believe this is one of them. If it is then my ex is whacked! If she can put this picture up without any emotion or feelings towards me and how it would effect me, that would be inhumane. She would have to be a robot! We slept together not long ago and I am not buying that she could bury all her emotions for me that quickly.

 

I am not saying she is coming back or that I want her back. I really don't know anymore. I can promise you without a lot more effort and straight forward requests to reconcile, she will never here from me. I will not play these childish games any longer.

 

Anyway my friend, I hear ya bout the games. I know you were doing really well with NC but it is really hard when they reach out. You will be fine and I will be here going through it with you.

[Live-N-Learn]

Well, if you knew my story you would know I sent a very mature letter when going NC. It was mature and respectful so we are not on bad terms just NC. I would like to also send a mature short text saying something like this.

 

Hey ex, I am deleting you from my friends list today. Do not take it personally it is just what I need to do for my continued healing. Take care.

 

Is this bad to send? Is there something better I could say? I really do not want to just delete her.

[Little lady]

You know what Scott I went through the same thing. I had to delete all her family members in which I sent them personal e-mails explaining why I had to delete them because it would hurt too much to see them on there.

 

As for her, she doesn't need an explanation. They are not our friends and they didn't treat us as a friend when they went with this someone else. Of course we care but did they care about us? I say don't even tell her, I mean what good is it going to do anyway? I took my ex off and didn't even think about it, or feel guilty about it. They made their bed so now they can lie in it.

[Live-N-Learn]

Little Lady,

 

I am thinking you are right about just deleting her with no explanation. I am sure if I do it today she will assume I did it because of the pic she put up with me partially in it. Serves her right, she should know better. I will be sending her a message that I am not happy you put a pick with me in it as your profile.

 

Her best friend is also a friend of mine. I would like to send her a short message just telling her it is not personal but I will be deleting her as a friend. Would you do that or just delete her friend as well. I am sure they will both talk and figure out why I did it.

 

If I delete her as a friend do all the tagged photo's I sent her stay in her photos?

[Little lady]

Well is it more her friend? Or more of a mutual friend? I've kept the friends that she had before me..but became both of our friends. This is on myspace, though and I hardly ever log on there. Anyone on facebook I'm friends w/ are not friends w/ her.

 

I honestly wouldn't even send her that message if she's upset or wants to know why she'll send you a message, we don't owe anything to these people who walked all over our hearts. As for the friend I'm not so sure. But yeah if you choose to delete her send her a brief and sweet message

[adamt]

when you go NC or block/unfriend your ex on facebook you don't need to send them an explanation. Why do you owe them an explanation. it's not as if an explanation will bringthem back or they deserve an explanation after dumping you. Just do it , i'm sure the ex will figure out why you did it. people shouldnt take facebook too seriously, it's not a place for real friends

[Live-N-Learn]

I guess I am allowing myself to hold onto hope because of her putting up that pic with me partially in it as her profile on Friday. Maybe she is reaching out to me the only way she can because she knows we are NC. Now if I delete her I am telling her I am not happy with her putting up that pic as her profile and may close all chances of ever getting her back.

 

I know I am not supposed to think like this but I can't totally let go yet. I really need to gain the strength to delete her. I think it would kill me if she deleted me first. I doubt she will but it would really hurt if she did..

 

I really don't want her to hate me for deleting her. Am I being a sissy by not deleting her? Will I gain more power and respect from her if I do?

[Live-N-Learn]

Well I finally did it! I blocked and deleted her from FB and MySpace. I now am putting all the pictures and memories in a box. I am really trying to move on and this was the last piece I was holding onto.

 

Been NC 7 weeks. I deserve better than she treated me through this breakup. She tore out my heart and never even told me why she was breaking up. Made me break up with her and blamed it on me. Man, why do I still care about her? Either way, I did what I had to do to heal.