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Graduating with no family there :(

cookiedough1

By cookiedough1
in Emotions and Feelings

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cookiedough1 Explorer

cookiedough1

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Hey all,

 

I will be graduating later this week getting my Master's from a great university. My parents will not be attending because they have "other obligations." Grant it, they are about 12-13 hrs away by car, but they didn't even come to my college graduation that was only 30 minutes away from home. I feel really lame because every single one of my friends families will be there and I have no one.

 

I am going to try to invite a local friend to come support me, but it's just not the same. I feel lonely and sad and I am already going through a breakup (my ex is in my graduating class, so I will see him all happy with his family) and I don't know if I can handle all these high emotions. Many of my classmates are moving away right after graduation, so it will definitely be compounded with goodbyes.

 

Any tips on getting through these days? I am afraid I am just going to be a big ball of crying and I am feeling even worse about my breakup because I am just feeling so low.

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Brigadoon Contributor

Brigadoon

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I don't have any advice for you but I just felt that I had to say that my first thought upon applying to go to college this year was the fact that at the moment there is no-one in my life who would "automatically" be coming to my graduation. I think I'm going to have to go for a phd just to make sure I've got a date at this rate!

Keep your chin up and bear in mind that everyone is just going to be so focused on themselves that they won't even notice that you don't have family or a partner there. And a good friend beats the other two hands down in my opinion

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cookiedough1 Explorer

cookiedough1

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Thanks for the quick responses everyone.

 

I'm not an only child (have two other siblings). My parents are pretty religious and they wanted to go to a a weekend retreat back home that same weekend...I know pretty lame. Also, another reason they don't want to come is because I am sticking around my school to finish some work and will not be driving back with them home...so they don't feel like there's a reason to trek out the 13 hours and come back home "emptyhanded" without me accompanying them.

 

I told them I wanted them to come and they continued to flip flop about coming or not. Finally, I think I just got tired of wondering and stopped asking. I don't want to force people to come watch me graduate...I don't want to resent them even more. But, nonetheless, I feel really sad and like there is something wrong with me.

 

A nice classmate of mine invited me out to dinner with her family for graduation night and I think I am going to go. I just feel like people will feel sorry for me and I already feel pretty sorry for myself dealing with my breakup, graduation, etc.

 

I do have friends in my class and I am sure they will try to include me, but I feel like I'd be getting in the way of their family time. I want to enjoy my graduation without feeling like I'm lacking.

 

When it rains, it pours...really.

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jengh Experienced

jengh

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Ohhh My heart seriously goes out to you. That makes me very sad to hear. My family has acted similarly in the past and it really HURTS, deep down. Your parents' reasoning is absolutely ridiculous. There will be other religious retreats, but you will (probably) only graduate with your masters degree once.

 

I would let them know that (in a calm manner) it deeply upsets you and hurts your feelings that they are not attending.

 

I'm glad a friend's family has invited you to be a part of their celebration. I think you should go. I know it won't be the same as your family, but you should be proud of your accomplishment and celebrate accordingly.

 

I'm also sorry to hear about your breakup. Sigh, what bad timing with everything.

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Celestialagape54 Enthusiast

Celestialagape54

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Cookie,

 

I am so sorry for all the pain you are feeling right and I can only imagine how difficult it must be to be dealing with all of this at once.

 

My parents are very religious as well but they would never miss and occasion such as my graduation, much less if I was getting my masters degree. I know religious obligations are important but you are their daughter and in all honesty they should be there for you.

 

However, you are right if they don't want to come then better for them not to, this should be a joyous occasion for all of you not one that should be forced upon anyone.

 

I think you should take up your friends offer and go to dinner with their family. I am sure she would not have invited you unless you were welcome with her family I know it will be difficult, but try to enjoy yourself.

 

You deserve all the happiness in the world, look at what you have accomplished. You should be very proud of yourself. No matter what I know you will miss your family, but you did this for yourself, and no one deserves the right to take that sense of accomplishment from you not even your family.

Just try to make the best of it!

 

BTW there is nothing wrong with you, quite the opposite. You tried to include them there, however you can't force anyone to do something they don't want to do.

 

Again, I know it will be hard but try to enjoy yourself, this is a huge accomplishment for you and you deserve at least a day of you telling yourself:

 

I Rock!

 

Hope it all goes well and best of luck to you. Let us know how it went!

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cookiedough1 Explorer

cookiedough1

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Thank you all...you guys are amazing.

 

I think I will go to the dinner that my friend invited me to..I am sure her parents are nice and will still be proud of me knowing that their daughter has accomplished the same feat.

 

I'll do my best to rally a few friends to come (I have tickets of course!) but unfortunately, they are not my closest friends. However, I am sure just having them there is better than nothing...I think I just feel like I am trying to fill the void my parents left with friends/acquaintances. I hate how it's hard to be "nontraditional" and not have parents at graduation.

 

With my ex, I know I should just try to avoid seeing him...it will be hard. I know I will be hurting and sad anyways, but seeing him with his family will make it really hard. Maybe telling myself it's just one day and it'll pass will help...but I do want to live up my graduation day!

 

Thanks for the support and I will let you guys know how it goes...I am sort of dreading the day a little.

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cookiedough1 Explorer

cookiedough1

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Hey all!

 

Thanks for all your support...my graduation day went by pretty well. I had 2 friends who were extremely supportive and was able to even go out to a graduation dinner with them

 

Most people's families are still in town and I did feel a little sad walking around campus seeing everyone together. But, in the end, I think it's hard to dissect out why I feel down: not having my family here, saying goodbyes, or knowing that change is coming.

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jengh Experienced

jengh

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Hey all!

 

Thanks for all your support...my graduation day went by pretty well. I had 2 friends who were extremely supportive and was able to even go out to a graduation dinner with them

 

Most people's families are still in town and I did feel a little sad walking around campus seeing everyone together. But, in the end, I think it's hard to dissect out why I feel down: not having my family here, saying goodbyes, or knowing that change is coming.

 

I'm so glad everything went well and people included you. I completely understand how hard it must be, but hey--it's just about over and done with now... time to move on to the next stage of life, right? Be proud of yourself!

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somberchic Rookie

somberchic

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I heart really went out to you. You see, I also come from a family who shows very little emotional support, so I can sort of relate. Keep your chin up! You graduated with a masters when so many people struggle to graduate with a bachelor's degree! You should be very proud of your accomplishments! I wish I can give you a hug. You deserve a big hug! (((hug)))

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aabbcc Contributor

aabbcc

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If that makes you feel better, I have graduation in 3 weeks. Parents not coming, as to be honest I want to keep them away from any success I have, despite their toxic influence, achieved. So there I am with only my ex, who starts to annoy me, at my graduation whereas other people are bringing their all families. Well, I will feel uncomfortable around other students but that is better I guess than playing the game of my parents supposedly supporting me and being confused with all this great pretence.

 

Good luck to you and congratulations

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  • 2 years later...
usmcflguy Newbie

usmcflguy

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I am very sorry you had to go through this....I recently with my B.S. and none of my family came. My mother, who lives in Colorado and sells cars, told me that during the month of December no one is aloud to have time off...leaving me with 3 friends. They same thing happened for my A.S. graduation. I have to admit, I felt pretty lonely and got real depressed!!!! I have had a rough past so this really meant alot to me still kinda down about it

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