How Bad Is This....

[bluen]

I am 6 months post break up. The time has flown by but I find myself wallowing in the same place with no sense of direction. While I don't feel anything for her anymore, I find myself longing for what is my idea of her because the girl I fell for doesn't exist anymore. The pain of losing her and the relationship has had a profound effect on me and my psyche and the fact that I will never speak to her again really tears me apart. Falling in love is a risk because the road ahead is blind in all directions, when you regain sight, you may or may not like what you see. I've lost my job had to move back in with my parents and just feel like a loser/failure of epic proportion. When I try to motivate myself to get back on my horse and get my life back in order I falter over and over again. It just feels hopeless like my life has been made up of one bad decision after another. I know how much of a debbie downer I sound like at the moment and have even seeked psychiatric help and in turn have been give anti-depressants. I haven't started them yet because I know what its like to be on AD and I am scared to take that plunge. I used to be the kind of person to bounce back from something horrible happening but the last 6 months have been my eventual undoing and I just feel like the end is near for me. I just want my life back, happiness feels like a thing of the past.

 

I know a lot of folks on this forum are a week or a month out from their break-up which would absolutely warrant the struggle, but 6 months later, should it still hurt this badly?

[DN]

There is no time frame on this that is the same for everyone.

 

What are you doing to proactively get over her? Anything?

[Banana9erl]

I too am 6 months post breakup and it still hurts really bad some days. Sometimes I wonder if it's because I miss him, or miss the companionship. Nevertheless, you just have to move on. It's easier said than done... You need to remember that the most important person in your life is you, and you need to take care of yourself. Only by taking care of yourself can you start to move on and in the right direction. There will always be times when things don't go your way, but just learn from it and motor on!

 

Hang in there!

[loulou37]

oh god don't say that, i'm hoping to have it well out of my system b4 6 mnths...i must admit..i've lost the future, and i don't know where i'm heading....also i want just to be alone, i'm not interested in any more relationships, i've had enough.

 

i think it does effect you. it has me, i'm changed forever.

[IGlareOften]

Honey, it took me a year and a half to feel right again. It took me a year before I wasn't wandering like you are now. It's not awful. When you love someone so completely that it consumes you, it's hard to let go.

 

Logically, you've run through the motions of why you shouldn't miss her. However, your heart hasn't caught up.

 

My personal on AD are that they are ridiculous. Especially since your depression seems situation. Not just that, but prolonged usage of AD causes many problems with those trying to feel love. AD users are, biologically, unable to feel love as deeply as those who don't use them.

 

Anyway, I can't offer you an end all tell all answer to this. The only thing I can tell you is, baby steps. Healing comes in waves, not all at once. Don't look or compare yourself to joe blow. Healing happens slowly for some, and quickly for others. It took a year and a half for me to feel OK. I'm 2 years and some odd months out..and I'm JUST NOW venturing out to date. That heart break was so crushing. I totally empathize. Baby steps, dude. Start with looking for a job. Start with applying. Start with something small. Take joy in the small victories and don't let the failures or missteps jade you.

 

Life isn't all pain and sadness. It will get better. Trust me

[Celestialagape54]

There is no time frame on this that is the same for everyone.

 

What are you doing to proactively get over her? Anything?

 

I agree with DN. There is no set time frame for getting over the loss of a loved one. Everyone heals at different rates and it will take you as long as it takes. Don't worry about getting over her in a set amount of time.

 

I know that you might not want to do anything at this point because it just feels the pain is too big, but you should look into some new hobbies, or something proactive as DN said. The pain will still be there but if you have realized that you have lost her, you need to be kind to yourself, love yourself and take steps ( even if they are baby steps ) towards getting your life back together.

 

Do you have a job at this point? Something that distracts your mind from her...

[peanutbutterandjelly]

I am in the exact same position as you, but I am 7 months in. I have no job and i had to move back in with my parents. They are kicking me out if I dont get a job by the end of june, but even knowing that isn't really having an effect on me. I know what's going to happen, but it just want to hide my head in the sand and hope that this life goes away and my old life comes back... and you know what? it's not going to.

 

I know that, but I still just sit here and hope that it does. I dont like this life that I was thrown into. In fact, I hate it. I am slowly trying to embrace it and after 6 months I finally started going out and trying to meet new people, but not because I even want to.. because I have to. I graduated college 6 months ago and should be looking for a job, but the idea scares me so much that I dont. Everyone around me expects me to have moved on by now, to be over it by now and I'm trying as hard as I can. But I dont recognize my life anymore. I dont know who I am any more. I just feel like I am some random person thrown onto a far off planet and I cant do anything.

 

I still miss my ex. I want the person that I fell in love with back, but he's now turned into a drug addicted, homeless, jobless cheating bum that doesnt want me.

 

I feel like my body has been tensed up for 7 months with no release. I never relax. I rarely smile. I am trying my hardest to move on, but it is a slooooow process that no one around me seems to get. I just want my old life back. I just want to be happy again. I try to be happy and I will find it for a few minutes here or there, but most of the time I am just miserable. I dont know what else to do other than force myself to meet new people and hopefully find someone once again.

[bluen]

I am looking for a job daily but if anything, it's a means to an end to have a source of income again. I don't have my college degree because I was a bit of a fool from the age of 18-22 and decided that I just wanted to start working. I am 26 now and the job market requires a degree at the very least. It's frustrating but I now see the error in my ways. I worked very hard for 3.5 years in a thankless job that I just got tired of and was eventually fired. My Ex told me I lacked passion in life, have no direction and don't reach for anything and that the year we were together was her wanting to try something different. She broke up with me long distance and hasn't looked back. I really loved this girl, more so then anyone i've ever met before and to hear this person attack my character so coldly without resolve with so little respect for everything I did for her and what we shared has leaved me with such an empty feeling and a bitter view at life.