loulou37 Posted May 22, 2010 Share Posted May 22, 2010 i don't know wether i've done the right thing, but i've just emailed my ex!! i felt i had to explain things....i had been accused of lying and cheating and well it's been eating me up up inside, i don't expect a reply, it was just to say what needed to be said...he never gave me a chance to talk to him properly about it. was i wrong? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nguyenal Posted May 22, 2010 Share Posted May 22, 2010 Well it is ok to send him an email if you are not guilty. After this email, if he does not reply then try to move on. I feel that if a guy truly cares about you, then he would give you many chances to prove yourself. You should give up on him if he already gave up on you. Be strong and treat yourself with respect along with dignity. It is hard to move on. I know since I have been through 2 breakups. It is so hard to force yourself not to like someone since that person used to be your heart. But you have to force the feelings away and through time, it will goes away. I hope you can get back up soon. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
loulou37 Posted May 22, 2010 Author Share Posted May 22, 2010 Well it is ok to send him an email if you are not guilty. After this email, if he does not reply then try to move on. I feel that if a guy truly cares about you, then he would give you many chances to prove yourself. You should give up on him if he already gave up on you. Be strong and treat yourself with respect along with dignity. It is hard to move on. I know since I have been through 2 breakups. It is so hard to force yourself not to like someone since that person used to be your heart. But you have to force the feelings away and through time, it will goes away. I hope you can get back up soon. i do feel better. i just needed it out of my head...i know he wont reply but that was not why i sent it, i just needed him to see he was the 1 that was wrong about me. i couldn't keep carrying that around with me. nguyenal...how are you feeling now, i just read your threads.... how is your heart? is it healing? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hermes Posted May 22, 2010 Share Posted May 22, 2010 What Nguy said. treat yourself with respect along with dignity Loulou: It would have been better not to have sent him the email. You have NO explaining to do. Besides, the email will not have the slightest effect on him, no more than if you had sent it to a stone wall. Keep your dignity and do not send any more emails. H Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
loulou37 Posted May 22, 2010 Author Share Posted May 22, 2010 What Nguy said. Loulou: It would have been better not to have sent him the email. You have NO explaining to do. Besides, the email will not have the slightest effect on him, no more than if you had sent it to a stone wall. Keep your dignity and do not send any more emails. H oh dear, now that has made me feel bad! i felt it was for me to get it out my head, i was carrying alot of guilt for something i hadn't even done, it was going round in circles and it was stopping me from moving on.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
minou Posted May 22, 2010 Share Posted May 22, 2010 I think it's absolutely fine. You sent it to set the record straight and get it off your chest. Let yourself feel free of this load of energy that was weighing on you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hermes Posted May 22, 2010 Share Posted May 22, 2010 It's all right Loulou. It's done, and anyway for all you know he may not even have seen or read the email. What I am trying to say is that there is no reason for YOU to feel guilty. He tried to stick "blame" on you, which is a manipulative abuser's tactic. The idea being to make you feel bad. H Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
loulou37 Posted May 22, 2010 Author Share Posted May 22, 2010 I think it's absolutely fine. You sent it to set the record straight and get it off your chest. Let yourself feel free of this load of energy that was weighing on you. thanx minou, the thing is, the only time we talked about this was through text, and only so much can be said.....i don't want to feel guilty anymore...i know he'll read it, and it makes me feel better...i've explained myself properly. it was all in his head! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
loulou37 Posted May 22, 2010 Author Share Posted May 22, 2010 It's all right Loulou. It's done, and anyway for all you know he may not even have seen or read the email. What I am trying to say is that there is no reason for YOU to feel guilty. He tried to stick "blame" on you, which is a manipulative abuser's tactic. The idea being to make you feel bad. H i see where ure coming from hermes, i know you say i shouldn't have to expalin myself, but i'm not having him thinking i'm a liar and a cheat, i can't bear that..he never let me explain properly....i loved him that much i would never of done that to him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hermes Posted May 22, 2010 Share Posted May 22, 2010 I understand Loulou. It is so difficult. He knew full well that you are neither a liar nor a cheat, but it suited him to say this to you, for his own ends. In other words, also, by not letting you "explain", even though you did not need to explain anything, he was controlling whatyou should think and say. H Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
loulou37 Posted May 22, 2010 Author Share Posted May 22, 2010 I understand Loulou. It is so difficult. He knew full well that you are neither a liar nor a cheat, but it suited him to say this to you, for his own ends. In other words, also, by not letting you "explain", even though you did not need to explain anything, he was controlling whatyou should think and say. H i know your right, hes just left me soo frustrated, there was so much left unsaid and he wouldn't listen, he'd looked at my email, facebook etc..and he drew his own conclusions from it, he was silly to himself, i tried to explain while i was there with him but he was too pigheaded to even sit and talk, what i'd done i'd done end of!! i did truly love him, i adored him...he ruined everything by looking at stuff that was from in the past... he always said i was insecure and jelous, i think he was and he hid it well. he's lost me now forever, i think sometimes i'd love for us to be together again, but what for, he's hurt me so so bad, some days i've felt i've wanted to die...and he did this to me..how did this man ever love me! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hermes Posted May 22, 2010 Share Posted May 22, 2010 how did this man ever love me! I truly feel for your pain, Loulou. The horrible harsh fact of the matter is that he didn't love you, in any healthy sense of that word. If he had loved you he would have treated you well. "If it hurts it isn't love" is so true. People like him enmesh the other, in this case, you. Enmeshment isn't love at all. Guve yourself time, L. H Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
loulou37 Posted May 22, 2010 Author Share Posted May 22, 2010 thanx hermes....i do feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders by sending the email. maybe it was wrong maybe it was right, i'll never know. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hermes Posted May 22, 2010 Share Posted May 22, 2010 Yo are welcome, Loulou. You did what you thought best, one way or another. And maybe, just a suggestion, because such "rituals" can actually be helpful: print out that email, shred or tear into tiny pieces, and if you are near a sea-shore or large river, just cast the few pieces to the current. You may find that "releasing". H Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
loulou37 Posted May 22, 2010 Author Share Posted May 22, 2010 i'll do that hermes, thanx.x. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jenna-is-here Posted May 22, 2010 Share Posted May 22, 2010 I understand loulou....If you sent it for no other reason than for you (and for your peace of mind) there was nothing wrong with it. You put it out there, stood up for yourself and dont even expect a response. I did that once when I suspected my bf of cheating. He told me I was not a trusting person. I broke up with him and later found out he was lying to me. HE was the reason I was not trusting. So, after we broke up, I wrote him a letter that told him he was wrong about me. I am a trusting person. It is only when someone gives me a reason not to trust that I act like that. I didnt want a response. I just wanted it off my chest. And it was the best thing I did. It was on the record. So, I think it is okay you did that because it was for YOU. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
loulou37 Posted May 22, 2010 Author Share Posted May 22, 2010 thanks jenna, i have been thinking about it all day, cause i broke my NC, but i did think it was necesary, i been lying awake at night thinking, i should've said this, should've said that, and the thoughts just go round in circles..they never leave your head...but now there gone, i feel so relieved, it doesn't matter if he never contacts me again, i never did it for a response, i've explained and i'm free of the guilt he made me feel. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jenna-is-here Posted May 22, 2010 Share Posted May 22, 2010 Yes! That is exactly how I felt after I sent it. Good for you! It was the right thing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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