She has moved on but I still love her

[kinesian]

I dated a girl for awhile a year, and things went badly and so we broke up. She went overseas for a year and came back, I still loved her and we hooked back up again casually and things went bad again with her punching me in the face and me verbally abusing her. We haven't spoken since except one time at at party, recently I sent her an email saying I was sorry for the incident. She replied she had moved on. I tried adding her to facebook but she hasn't replied.

 

I still feel hurt, she said I couldn't make her love me and I guess I can't but it still doesn't make me want her less. On top of that I find she has a new boyfriend on a blog of hers I still read, I torture myself by doing that. That much I know.

 

I don't what to do, I'm still hurt and saddened by her loss in my life. I wish she was still apart of my life in someway. I just feel as though if I send another email I'll make things worse and push her further into this guys arms.

[Jeen]

Love have to come from both sides, for a relationship to work, at this point it looks like only you are in this relationship. She has moved on and as hard as it may sound you will have to do the same, it will be hard but it do not help to try and hold on to something that will not work. Take some time to mourn this relationship but really all you can do is to stay strong and move on.

[lavenderdove]

I first think you have to be honest with yourself... you really do want her back rather than just having her be a part of your life. Do you want to attend her wedding to someone else? Hear about how much she loves her new boyfriend? If you can't think about that and be fine with it, and still have dreams of getting back together, then being her friend is not a good idea, and it is better to let go.

 

She has told you she has moved on and she has a now boyfriend, so i think you have to work on really accepting that sometimes things don't work out. What you are really craving is someone in your life to love who loves you, and you can go get that starting today by accepting she is doesn't want to get back with you and has another guy now and doesn't want to be with you. Once you really accept that, you can start looking for someone new for yourself.

 

Stop visiting her blogs etc. and start spending more time with friends and getting out and socializing and meeting new people. You don't have to date right now, but you do have to get yourself unstuck so that you can move forward with your life and put her into your past where she belongs. If your relationship moved into physical fights and verbal abuse, it really wasn't a good relationship, and you need to accept that and let go.

 

Google 'thought stopping' and try it to get her out of your head, since she is already out of your life, and your thoughts need to match the reality of that situation. You have to work on detaching from her rather than trying to hang onto something long gone.

[xoslippers]

Don't contact her.. thats the worst thing you can do, especially if shes said shes moved on. You need to learn to accept it and everything else will follow.

 

Try going out with friends or getting a hobby; you and others will notice a change in yourself and eventually you won't care at all.

[kinesian]

Thing is I mucked it up so bad, I was just hurt that she wrote on her blog that she was unhappy that the only person who wanted to spend her birthday with her was me and her family. And contacting me would of been annoying on that day, I only wanted to take her out to dinner to show her what she meant to me.

 

I burnt all the gifts and photo's she gave me, I feel so much regret over that now. I wish I still had them, they meant a lot to me.

 

I know I should move on, but I still love her and want her back.

[minou]

Who knows? She may end up realizing this new guy is not for her and want to come back to you. It certainly happens. You can't let your days revolve around this thought, however. Let yourself have 15" to half an hour per day, for now, when you feel the pain, and keep moving your thoughts and actions to other things the rest of the day. Know there is absolutely nothing you can do right now other than stay away from any information about her, tempting as it may be, make new friends, find a new interest and consider yourself a valuable person. Her rejection of you right now is no reflection on your value as a person. One day someone will cherish you and that is worth waiting for.

[kinesian]

Thanks for the kind words, I don't want to change her. I love her the way she is.

 

I just think she is the right girl for me. Someone I could see having a happy life.

 

I just don't know how I can let this go though, it just stings my mind during the day and night when I am lonely. And I don't want her back because I'm lonely by the way, I really do want her. Even through the evrbal abuse and violence, I played my part in that and regret it. I just wish I knew that she did or does too and things in the future can be reconciled. I know I need to change

 

But I just get this overriding feeling that nothing I can do can make her want to see me again.

[lavenderdove]

I'm sorry, but it is true that SHE has to want to be with you. You can feel she is the right girl for you, but if she doesn't feel you're the right boy for her, you're wasting your time and causing yourself unnecessary pain by trying to hang onto the past.

 

Remember, she has your phone number and can easily get ahold of you if she changed her mind, but counting on that or expecting that is wrong considering she says she's moved on and has a boyfriend now.

 

You are better off focusing on the future rather than the past, and a realistic future rather than refusing to live your life fully unless you get her back. She's living her life, and you need to live yours too, fully by continuing on and recognizing she has a right to decide you're not the one for her, no matter how much you want her. You will be happier if you do start rejoining life and dating other people rather than mooning for someone who doesn't want you. You need to cure your own loneliness by finding someone who does want you,, rather than hanging around pining for someone who doesn't. That just isn't good for you, and you have to recognize your ability to find happiness is within yourself, and not within her. Give yourself a chance to find happiness by getting out and expanding your life rather than hanging onto the past that is over and done.

[force]

Best thing to do with pictures and letters of a past relationship is put them in a special box way up in your closet. Never burn them. They were once very special to you and when you get older you will look back on that stuff in awe when you have completely moved on.

 

What has helped me move on is that you cannot control her thoughts and feelings and make her wanna be with you and knowing you have tried all you can to get her back, well, there is nothing else you can do but get on with your life. Do you remember the person you were right before you met her? You had no idea this special person was gonna walk into your life and that person saw a fun non-needy person who had other things going on in his life. That's the person she fell in love with. Think of it like this, your pressing the "reset" button on everything so it will operate better. Just remember you cannot make her want you back, she has to want you back. All you can do is improve what you think needs improving of yourself and leave it at that. If she still doesn't want you then say "oh well, I tried," and leave it at that.

[Smittysmit]

Brother, I see you haven't been here for awhile. I'm going thru what you went thru now. Hope you're fine, and that things are good on the other side. These time capsules on the internet always make me hope people turned out okay...worrying about you for some reason, tho hurting in my own life. Please be safe and whole, brother.