Hooking up with a taken guy.... help :(

[smac89]

PLEASE READ: its pretty good.

 

So I have the Grindr app on my iphone and have made a few friends and I don't hook up. I met this one guy who was really cool and wanted me to come over and play video games and drink. He told me on my way over that he had a boyfriend and just wanted to let me know that we were just hanging out. Which I was fine with... until I met him. OH and I knew who his boyfriend was before I came over! Not personally but we knew of each other

 

We started playing wii and were having fun and talking about our lives and had so much in common. We were drinking but nothing too crazy, just a couple of beers. He wasn't giving me any noticeable signs, we weren't even on the same couch. But then he moved to my couch "for a better view" and we were kind of bumping into each other playing wii and giving each other high fives that started turning into hugs.... it was getting late and I was thinking about leaving, but I didn't want to because I liked him a lot. After winning another game, I put my hand in front of him for a high five.. he grabbed it for a cool hand shake but he didnt let go. We both looked at each other, then he looked back at his hand like he was confused. It was THE MOST sexual tension I have ever had before. He looked back at me and leaned in to kiss me and we started making out like crazy. We're two masculine guys and we got pretty rough on that couch haha. He then stopped for a second and asked me to go with him to his bedroom.

 

I slept over and we had fun... 4 times... in the same night.

 

We texted each other the next two days. Not bringing that up at all. Then I asked if I could come over to hang out and he couldn't because he was busy. Then I asked him if he was in an open relationship or something because what we did was so intense. He said no. And that I couldn't tell his bf. Which was understandable, but I liked him so much and I think he likes me too. So I asked him to hang out the third day and he didnt want to because hes going through rough times with his boyfriend. He said they haven't had sex in months. Which is sad. And I decided not to text him the fourth day to see what would happen.

 

His boyfriend however did text me, asking how video games with his guy was. I said fun, we played a lot . and he obviously didn't know. The guy I like texted me on the fifth day and asked me if I wanted to come play video games. I said yes, assuming it was just games and sex afterwards. We did play video games, we didn't bring up the last time. And when it got late, he asked me if I wanted to sleep over. I said yes. We went to his bed and laid down and he cuddled with me.......

 

I was so confused, because I thought I was just making up for the sex his bf doesn't give him. And I like him a lot and I LOVE cuddling. But I like cuddling with a person who likes me and who isn't dating someone. So it wasn't just sex....

 

His bf continued to text me about his week and * * * * . So did the guy I like. Tonight I was asked to come hang out with both of them and a friend of theirs. I was like okay lets give it a shot and see how I feel. I get there, and its his bf and his friend. He hadn't gotten off of work yet. AWKWARD. So we hung out until the guy I like came home. He came home and was excited to see everyone and played video games with me and his bf. His bf hates video games and complained how tired he was the whole time. And they have nothing in common. I was dealing with it alright until I was about to leave, I saw the two look at each other and it showed how much they liked each other just from that look, my heart sank. Because I don't get it........ and I like him more than a friend. Its not just lust.

 

I know I shouldn't have done anything from the start but I think I shouldn't have done anything the second time because the cuddling got me. What do you think? I'm going to try and hang out with him in the next couple of days and confront him about it. STUPID HEART.

[civilservant]

You know what the answer is here. They're in a couple, you're the bit on the side. How would you feel if you were the other guy? Time to bail before this explodes into a world of hurt. The heart wants what it cant have, and until (if) he's single you can't have him.

 

End of.

[minou]

Confront him about what? You knew what you were getting into. He's taken. Drop out of the picture unless you're into drama.

[Speranza]

PLEASE READ: its pretty good.

???

 

Sounds pretty awful.

 

This isn't going to lead to anything good for any of you, is it?

[Cadence44]

He told me on my way over that he had a boyfriend and just wanted to let me know that we were just hanging out.

 

This tells you all that you need to know. This was his covert way of saying that he has a boyfriend and doesn't want anything with you even if you sleep together, rather than how you seem to interpret it as "you're just coming over for a platonic good time" and then you both happened to be overcome by lust.

 

If you confront him, he's going to reference the above in that he told you that he didn't want anything serious with you. I know it's hard, but stop seeing this guy, stop communicating with this guy, and go find someone who wants to be with you emotionally as well as physically.

[lavenderdove]

He's been very clear he has a boyfriend, and you know it, so what you two have is about a little sex on the side. If you have feelings for him, you really shouldn't do this, because you're encouraging cheating, and he has no reason to ever leave his boyfriend if he's got him and other 'friends' to have sex with on the side.

 

This is not someone you can trust either. You'd always wonder who he was having sex with on nights you weren't around.

[catfeeder]

Your eyes were wide open when you walked into this. Don't try to fool yourself about that--it won't work.

[True2Form]

I have to echo what everyone else said. It amazes me that you seem surprised at the turn of events. He was honest enough to tell you that he had a boyfriend before you even met. He essentially TOLD you what to expect. Apparently, that did not make a difference-- and now you want to confront him? I'm sorry, but this post reads unnecessary drama, right down to the introductory line of "PLEASE READ: it's pretty good."

 

I hope I did not come accross as rude, but, I mean, really.

 

As you get older and more aware, you will run probably into fewer situations like this. It sounds like you are having a lot of fun, and just enjoy yourself. You certainly are having a lot more fun than I am.

[True2Form]

You know, I was thinking about the original post again, and I am wondering, OP, if the "taken guy" told his boyfriend about you (including the extra fun you had besides video games). Do you think this is a possibility? I find it odd that the boyfriend texted you about the video games. I also find it odd that you met his boyfriend and his boyfriend's friend while the taken guy was "still at work." Did you feel embarrassed at all? Remoresful? Do you think the boyfriend was trying to tell you something, esp. with the text about the video games? I would have been surprised by the text from the boyfriend. This is all just unnecessary drama. The sooner you can remove yourself from this situation, the better. This could spell disaster, esp. for YOU, if you are not reading the writing on the wall.