Worried

[blanche88]

I'm 22 and I've never had a real boyfriend, and I don't know why, except I'm relatively shy and reserved. How worried should I be? I'm beginning to feel like a total anomaly (to use a polite term)... I already do plenty of extracurricular group activities, so I don't know what else I can do to meet people. And it's not like guys are never interested in me, but generally I'm not interested in them. Last month I went out with a guy I was interested in, but it ended after 3 dates.

I'm relatively certain that the problem's my personality, but how can I change? I can't force myself to be more outgoing and open if I'm not naturally that way.

Anyway, I was just wondering what people's thoughts are... I actually don't think about this too much, but when I do focus on it, it's rather worrying.

[Iakasot]

Ask more guys out? You can't expect men to always approach you. Accept guys for who they are. Were you the one to end it with the guy you went on 3 dates with? If you're not interested in most guys, the guys you are interested in aren't that different, because you have a lot of turn-offs and it's easy for them to get treated the same by you, with you losing interest down the line. Maybe the answer is as simple as you get turned off too easily.

[DreamerGirl27]

I am 25 and have never had a real relationship, either. Mainly, because I am looking for a friend first. My first boyfriend was this, but I was 16, young, immature, and didn't know what I wanted and he came on a bit too strong for me. It only lasted a month and a half. I don't even count it as a successful relationship. I have dated 6 other guys, and I have only been interested in 2 of them, and even them I wasn't REALLY interested in. FINALLY, this guy came along and wanted to be my friend first and he's the only guy who has even payed remotely any amount of attention to me. Unfortunately, he doesn't like me like that. I was crushed and still am crushed because I REALLY like him. He's gorgeous to me and more importantly, he really took the time to get to know me and was like, my best friend. Well, that lasted for 2 semesters. I no longer have to see him in person anymore, so he is backing off like crazy and it hurts. I feel led on, to be completely honest.

 

I don't think I will ever quite get over this guy. Out of the 6 guys I dated, besides the fact that they never contacted me outside of the dates (no texting, IMing etc), I wasn't really interested in them. I just went out with them because they asked and I wasn't totally a completely repulsed by them...just not necessarily attracted, either.

 

I am at an odd place in my life. I really want a boyfriend...but the one I want doesn't want me. I don't know what I'm going to do about it. There really isn't anything I can do about it. I still fight the urge to IM him when I see him on and I have broken down and done just that and gotten ignored by him. Apparently he only wants to talk when he wants to talk. It's a really sucky situation. I just don't like guys, I guess. There are very few men on the planet I'm attracted to and I'm really picky. Once I find one guy I like, it's like the rest of the men could fall off the face of the planet and I wouldn't care. (Well, except for my dad of course!!)

 

Just hang in there...if you're 22 and haven't had a real relationship yet, you're doing better than me. I'm 25. I picture myself alone forever and at this point, I really think that is going to become a reality a lot sooner than I had pictured.

[DreamerGirl27]

So basically, I've only been attracted to 1 guy in my entire 25 years, is basically what I am saying.

[DreamerGirl27]

That's not entirely true. Physically, I am attracted to a lot of guys. But I don't develop feelings for them until I know them. So, what I'm trying to say, is that, I found this guy who I'm incredibly physically attracted to who got to know me who I fell in love with his personality as well. I can't like a guy just based off looks. That's only the beginning. The hottest model could be standing right in front of me, throwing himself at me, and I'd just look at the guy I like and be like, "I want you, not him..."

 

So...yeah...he took the time to get to know me...and then dumped me even as just a friend, basically.

[In the Dark]

It takes a bit of time if it is truly your personality at fault here.

 

I don't think you should be worried at all but the matter of the fact is.....

If you have friends around you who are constantly in relationships......

You will start to think you are inferior as a person in some way or another.

 

Completely understandable.

 

Sometimes we are just ultra fussy physically or we choose people who always have someone who is ready to take your place so if you mess up even a little or there is something that does not come to expectations they will throw you to the curb and move on tho the next person as if you two never really took the time to get to know each other.

 

That's just the way it goes.

[dramallama]

I'm in the same boat. I'm a 24 (almost 25) yo female and don't consider myself to have had a real relationship as yet. For a year I was crushing on an online friend, but I guess it didn't work out because he's cut off contact with no goodbye. D: You can see my thread here: I'm still hurting over that because I was IN LOVE with him. I absolutely adored him. It's hard for me to believe that I would ever have that for real with anyone in person, or ever again. Also what is hard that I didn't get to be in love with him and spend time together physically (not just sexually either) as boyfriend and girlfriend.

 

I just don't find 95% of guys attractive, but I did with him. Most guys that girls would swoon over, there is just no sexual response with me. It could be that I have a low sex drive or something, but when I'm in love with someone I would think it wouldn't be a problem because I do have the desire to be intimate with them. I have to be in love with a guy to be able to be sexually attracted to them. I don't know what's wrong with me in that I just don't feel a connection with hardly anyone...

 

Like you, the OP, I'm shy and reserved too. But I do talk and do better in one-on-one situations. I'm actually pretty ok looking, but we all see ourselves differently to how others see us. I have a good figure, if I do say so myself and a pretty good sense of fashion, but most of the time I dress like a university student, cute but casual. I may be starting studying soon, but my course will certainly be all female. Maybe I could join an extra curricular group.

 

DreamerGirl27, you sound EXACTLY like me. If you read my thread that's pretty much what happened to me basically. I never crushed on anyone like I did him before, even if we never got to meet in person. But I think he only ever liked/loved me as a friend... It hurts. I also wonder whether I'll love anyone else like that again because like you, I'm very picky, but not by choice. It's just the way that I am. Also, I really am NOT attracted to male models or typical "good-looking, hunky" guys. Most of the guys I've liked have been only a little taller than me, kinda tubby, no muscles with baby faces, if I had to generalise.

[blanche88]

I'm kind of worried about turning out like this woman - link removed

Since I'm 22, I guess my personality's pretty much set. Maybe I get turned off too easily, but I don't see the point in going out with someone I'm not really attracted to. Also, since someone asked, the guy I went out with last month ended it with me.

I have a friend who seems perfect, except she's really shy, and she's been single for 3 years... but at least she had a boyfriend originally.

[Iakasot]

I'm kind of worried about turning out like this woman - link removed

Since I'm 22, I guess my personality's pretty much set. Maybe I get turned off too easily, but I don't see the point in going out with someone I'm not really attracted to. Also, since someone asked, the guy I went out with last month ended it with me.

I have a friend who seems perfect, except she's really shy, and she's been single for 3 years... but at least she had a boyfriend originally.

 

Actually your personality changes up until 25, google it. =p How easily you get turned off is about how you internalize other people's traits. If you want a boyfriend, you can either try to figure out what makes you like some men over others and how internalizing plays into it, that way you can increase the pool of men you date. As for the men you're interested in being with losing interest, you can work on what type of an image you project to them, be positive, smile, don't criticize, learn to be flirty, be interested in what they're saying, that's what men like, so maybe they won't run after a few dates.