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Loner and just turned down an invite...

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In high school I had few "friends" that were just people I hung out with cause I didn't want to be alone at lunchtime. They probably were the same and we had little to nothing to ever talk about. In college, I had no friends and have the hardest time trying to make them. My attempts usually end with me making a friend only to run out of things to say fast and feeling awkward, avoiding that person the whole rest of the semester and sitting quietly in the back of the room.

Some how I ended up meeting this guy that was pretty cool. It took a long time for me to figure out though that he wasn't hanging out with me just to make me do his homework for him or something. I avoided helping him out a lot cause of this, and I think I messed up a lot cause of this trust issue I had.

So, eventually, he found out how much of a loser I was, I have like 4 numbers in my phone and he's the only friend I have in there. He saw that and laughed. That is my biggest fear though, that if I befriend someone, they will find out eventually that I'm a loner, and lieing about having friends to look cool would only make that time worst once they find out.

He never invited me to anything until now, I've known him for about a year and a half. Today though he called asking if I wanted to go to a baseball game with him and his friends. I wasn't prepared for this though cause he never invited me to anything before. He kept calling me almost 10 times in over an hour. On the phone he told me I was the first person he thought of calling up cause he got an extra ticket, he got his GF to try to get me to go. He told me he was trying to get me involved and not sit my ass at home all day doing nothing. He asked me what I would be doing if I didn't go, I couldn't come up with an excuse to that. After some more trying he gave up and told me I was F***ed up for not going after he tried to get me to go. He told me to quite being such a loser playing games all the time, so it's 100% clear to me now he knows how I really am. I agree with him on that when he said I was F***ed up, I want to go, but I'm afraid to meet all his friends.

I can't say that it's only meeting a group of people that scares me though. Yesterday he asked if I wanted to hang out with them at a bookstore while his GF studies there. I told him I didn't want to go there either. It was cause I was afraid to meet her. I told her on the phone today though that I had no problems with meeter her and I just didn't feel like going to the game cause I don't even like baseball. Wasn't a good enough excuse though cause she said she doesn't even like baseball either...

For years now now, I've felt really lonely at times wishing friends to hang out with, now I have someone who invited me somewhere and I'm too afraid...

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Hey, i can empathize. I'm also extremely shy! I often come off as rude because of my shyness. But well, the way I see it, we can't get over our shyness if we don't confront it! (Easier said than done hehe)


This guy seems to have accepted you the way you are. Even more, he wants to help you! I don't think you should ignore this opportunity. For all you know, you could end up having a great time and feeling happy about yourself afterwards.


On the other hand, if you don't go.. or if you keep denying his invites, he might get tired of you and move on


I say go for it, CntJstSitArond!! (lol, take the advice of your ign!)

I'm rooting for you!

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He has found something in you worth the investment. Stop convincing yourself otherwise - don't let past conditioning dictate your future. About the phone and calling you a loser: it's simple teasing with intent to get you to be proactive. Who knows...maybe he was just like you before a similar person took him under their wing.


Stop being a coward. Take the plunge. Force yourself out of your element. Don't take my word for it; tell it to yourself.

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hey i just want to say that i know 100% how you feel because im the same as you. All i can say is when you get invited somwhere GO! no matter what dont make any excuses just go.


I know you might feel awkward but you need to just keep putting yourself in social situations. Trust me I've lost many friends because of dodging invites or pretend I wasn't interested when deep down i really wanted to go I was just scared. I think back on all my missed opportunities and your doing the same.


Just get out there, your lucky to have a friend who is trying to involve you in stuff and help you out. Take his help because if you don't it will only get harder.


Another thing I noticed is that when people go out of their way to invite you to something and you decline, they are less likely to invite you to anything in the future. Also you cant just sit around waiting for others to invite you. You said you were friends with him for over a year, so invite him to something, have him over to drink a beer and watch a game or something.

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I don't know what the fuss is all about. Dreading about going to the game you don't even like? For what? If he's really a friend, you know you can call him up anytime you like. It's just a dumb baseball game anyway. If you're serious about being friends with him, there are plenty of opportunities in the future. So stop dreading about how you'd turned your friend down for not going to a stupid baseball game. Just think about what you want to do and whether you want this friend to tag along.

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