Need help moving on after a breakup of a 2 year relationship

[DeenasRhino]

Hello Forum. I am in need of help or advise of how to cope with a breakup.

 

My ex-girlfriend and I have been together for nearly 2 years. We've seen our ups and downs as a couple. I started college this past year. She is a year younger than me so she was finishing up with high school. College really impacted our relationship. We used to talk all the time before this and during the past about 8 months we've been talking less and less. We've gone stretches where we have ignored each other for days at a time. This has never happened. The last week of school, I had finals and we had gotten into an argument and I choose not to speak to her to concentrate on my studies. She did not try to contact me either. A week later I am done and very happy with the result of my exams. I text her and she say's that she has moved on and no longer has feelings for me. We talked and argued and she did not want me contacting her again. I secretly surprised her the next day and wrote her a long letter of what she meant to me and how important she was in my life. I explained that I needed to pay attention to my studies and that it was hard for me too but I never wanted her to move on. When I saw her she immediately was not the same as she normally was. She did not want to see me or talk to me. I gave her the letter but in an angry scuffle I ripped the letter in half. We ended up calming down and talking things out but it was clear she did not want to get back together with me. It seems I've been living in this fantasy world that has turned upsidedown on me. I thought we were meant to be together and had plans on marrying her in the future. She is going to be going to a different college than me and it's in PA while I am in NY. I just need help dealing with this situation because it is really pulling at my heart strings not being able to talk to her. I've tried my best not to contact her but I still do and she flips out and turns me down everytime. She is going to ignore me for good if I do again. I've done so much for this girl and never thought I'd be in this position today. It's really tough and it's taken it's toll on me. We talked on the phone today and it is supposedly the last time we're going to contact each other for a while. She is leaving on a vacation to Europe in a month and she promised to call me and make a date for the both of us to hang out.

 

What should I do? I don't want to let her go but she tells me she is happy alone. I just wish we could have another chance but that is out of the picture. What do I do until she contacts me again? Any help or advise would be greatly appreciated.

 

P.S. This is both our first relationships but I really saw something in us that we could beat the odds and get married one day. I really sincerely did and still do. I loved her with all my heart. I just can't believe it's come down to this day.

 

Thank you for taking your time to read this.

 

I just wanted to add, she still wants to remain friends and I do not want her completely gone from my life. It's just that in the future if I ever see her or know that she is with another guy it's going to cut my wounds even deeper. She wants to talk to me after I've moved on and gotten over about her and then be friends. Please what should I do? I am in love with this girl still and want a second chance but can't get through to her. Any advise would be greatly appreciated.

[misssmithviii]

She's obviously on a different page than you are. She wants to move on yet still be friends which is obviously not going to go well with you and your emotions for her.

 

I'm so sorry you're going through this... but I think what you need to remember is to respect yourself and don't diminish yourself by begging, talking to her and making these futile efforts. You need to move on, it's hard I know... but it's what best for you.

 

Let her go, out of your life. You know where this is going, why keep going? It's like you see the end of the road and know your car will get totaled, yet you're still driving in that direction hoping that your car can fly... which it won't... and you know it.

It honestly sounds like she's been losing feelings for awhile now, and you must remember you cannot force or coerce someone to love you again.

 

 

These emotions are normal after a breakup, I hope you realize that. But I can guarantee you the last thing you need right now is her.

Focus on yourself ^_^ Hit up your best friend and get out, keep that smile on and remember that she somehow lost those feelings... it's not your fault ok man?

 

Let those who want out, be out. And do what's best for you, I promise everything will be alright and I'm sorry for what's happened.

[DeenasRhino]

Thanks for the kind words and taking time to read my long post. She really means the world to me and I just felt that no matter what would happen, we would be together. It just hit me all of a sudden and I know it's going to take time to sink in. I find it so hard to not contact her. I feel so lonely while she is out with her friends having fun. I miss her so much

[misssmithviii]

I've been there before, and it really hurts. Hopefully you remember that there are other women out there, other ones who can possess all the wonderful qualities you're looking for, who have that chemistry with you, who are incredible people who could never even comprehend the thought of being without you.

 

It's difficult to change lifestyle from contacting her all the time, to none whatsoever, but she's let go... so must you.

[DeenasRhino]

It's so hard to do though. I'm talking to my friends about the situation and every little thing brings a tear to my eye. I've done so much for her and I know she knows I care and love her. I just wish I could make her feel the same way about me.

 

She tells me that one day in the future after we've both experienced other people and we're still single, we can give it another try.

She wants me to date other people which I do not want to do. I don't want that at all. And I do not want her with another guy. That is the one thing that I am afraid of. Not accepting her after shes been with someone else. I don't want to kiss something that another guy has kissed. I don't want to make love to someone whos already been in her. She is going off to college in September. Her school is over 4 hours away by car. I'm going to be helpless. I don't want to see her go.

[Lastchallenge]

Look... I went through the same thing... I'm still in it.

Just disappear trust me! You will pay the ultimate price like I did I'd you don't.

You can sit there and try to persuade them

with a million reasons why you two should stay together but it will only push her away... It sucks to feel this way and I really hope u cab stay busy and calm.... I know it's tough I'm still going on after 4 months

[DeenasRhino]

What are some of the things you did to stay busy?

[DeenasRhino]

Bump, still looking for ways to forget about her.

[misssmithviii]

Time honey... it takes time and focusing on yourself. Reminding yourself that your life is not dependent on someone else, especially someone who isn't in your life anymore.

[DeenasRhino]

That doesn't help me I miss her sooooooooooo much.

We talked last night for a few hours on the phone. She keeps saying she wants to be alone but I just can't accept that fact. I can't stop myself from returning to her.