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relationship on repeat?

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so, how things stand is that my boyfriend is a few years older than me, and a little more experienced in the dating world.


he's my first out of high school relationship, and has already lasted longer than any other I've had although that's only 5 months and we aren't physically involved yet. He's happy to let me set the pace and respects my boundaries. I haven't had sex before, and I only want to in the context of a committed relationship.


I asked him the other day about his past relationships and STD risk, I had cause to think about it. one of the things he told me was that all his previous sexual partners have been virgins.


pretty much straight away I can see a pattern here that i fit into. what I'm worried about is that he's having the same type of relationship over an over again, that he's not growing emotionally, and his relationship needs aren't growing, that we are untimely doomed to a set expiry date once the relationship has become more than he wants and isn't meeting what i need.


I know you can't really give me your opinion on him, you don't know him, but do you think my fears are at all valid or invalid, is this kind of pattern something that happens?

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Hmmm... he's 25 and only slept with virgins? That is kinda strange. My ex told me when he was in college, girls who were virgins asked to sleep with him and when he told me this i thought it was strange. He said he slept with 8 people but I'm not sure. 5 of them were virgins.


Who knows. I just don't sleep with people unless I'm serious about them, so I had a hard time rationalizing it.

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At your ages, I don't see that as especially odd - I wouldn't label him as necessarily having a virgin fetish. You've been together 5 months, and everything else seems to be going okay? It sounds like he's respectful of your boundaries. What makes you think "he's not growing emotionally, and his relationship needs aren't growing?"

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i'm glad you don't see that as odd.


i don't know how to explain what i mean. it just seemed that maybe he wants to have a more casual easy going relationship, not worry about more serious commitment, and that's easier for him to find with a certain type girl who hasn't has a serious relationship yet, and also happens to be a virgin.


he seems to compartmentalize everything and i feel like i'm being kept away from the other parts of this life, like friends and family. he's also reluctant to meet mine, none of our friends are friends.

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I would certainly keep my eyes open. Five months is a long time for someone to hang around if he's just looking for another virgin conquest. But if he REALLY has that issue, maybe it isn't. You know him and we don't. Just be aware of the possibility, be alert for clues, and in the meantime, trust your instincts and enjoy the relationship.

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