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Smoking Hot Lingerie - Am I too Late to bust it out?

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I am thinking of stopping by my ex-bf's and letting him have a peek at me in some very sexy lingerie. He broke it off one year ago. The last Valentine's day we were together he got a LOT of pressure from family & friends to propose to me. I threw him a surprise birthday party and was going to wear (for just us two later on) this really sexy black lace and satin bustier, stockings, heels). I never got a chance to wear it because he threw a fit when he found out about the party before it happened (his rant lasted almost an hour). We decided to go forward with the party but the mood was definitely broken for me. I had only been brave enuf to wear lingerie once before ( a really hot red lace bodysuit which he asked for again ;-). He is the shy type, me I'm more outgoing socially but tend to be a little shy in the bedroom (im height/weight porportionate and some have called me beautiful, but I've always been more a geek than a flirty girl). So I have to feel really safe to be open behind closed doors...not that I'm not interested! I've just never used my feminine charms for manipulative purposes, which is sort of what I'm talking about doing here....


I probably need to give a bit of background so u can have some framework for this...


We were together for 4 years. - He is 46 and never engaged or married

I am 49 and divorced w/1 grown child. We met just after his sister died. During the time we were together;

  • he worked for 2 years (12-16 hour days, 7 days a week usually (he's a chef))
    his father died after a 2 year decline in health
    he got a D.U.I. and lost his license/car for a year & had to go to drug/alcohol abuse classes
    he changed jobs (better situation)
    he bought a house.


I knew he had a lot on his plate and tried to be there for him, maybe sometimes too much because he asked me once for "space" and we broke up for like a month and a half. We got back together but he is in a bad rut. Doesn't want to go anywhere, even his own family stresses him out (they are a handful). He is content to stay home and watch tv, movies, lay in the sun, play cards, have sex). I was ok hanging out with him because I did do alot on my own, like exercise, friends, church.


We have had minimal contact this past year, usually just exchanging stuff, a couple nice conversations at the restaurant, but nothing more. I took the break up pretty hard but kept my dignity and gave him his space.

I have it on good report that this whole year he has been is drinking a lot, crabby at work, holed up at home, not dated anyone at all. I needed some papers from him and he asked me to pick them up from him at work, I think he hasn't wanted me over because his place has turned into an abyss of clutter. Or maybe he doesn't want to be alone with me. Not trusting himself?


I have been dating off and on, no one special, and not sleeping around at all. I don't have trouble getting dates, but no one has made my eyes sparkle. I still love him and that won't change, whether or not we reconcile. But it has been a month and a half since we last saw/spoke. I think we are a good matched couple when/if he could get out of his rut. I am very strong, flexible, and forgiving but he needs to get motivated and give. I think he has some male pride affecting him also, and his two closest friends (altho they seemed to like me) are more than happy to have him when they want him to play cards, etc. with. He is smoking weed with one friend, drinking with the other!


So, I am thinking of giving this a shot, or shock if u want to call it that, and put my cards on the table. I think he is really depressed, loves me but is afraid of commitment, and just miserable. I have been kind of depressed too, but am dealing with it a lot better I think. I am also very horny, as I am sure he is (a serious side question for the guys, Can porn satisfy for a long time and can it really replace a woman's touch?). Part of me hates to think he'll never see how hot I look in this lingerie, it was for him after all!


I would like to hear the good, bad, and the ugly. Guys, put yourself in his shoes - how would u feel/think if I did this to you? Do you think this might help pull him out of the bottomless pit of despair, or I am I being or pushy and need to just accept this and leave him alone until whenever he makes a move? All opinions welcome, I can sort them out well enuf. Thanks in advance!

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Two possible outcomes: 1) He looks at you like you are nuts...or one of JR Ewing's many conquests who show up at the door with a fur coat and nothing underneath...and then throws you out.

2) He gets horny, has sex with you and then asks you to leave with no reconciliation and nothing changed.


This man is a mess and wearing sexy lingerie and throwing yourself at him is not going to change the fact that he is a mess. He needs to crawl out of his mess first and get himself back together before you should even entertain the notion of attempting to reconcile with him. You love the potential he has but unfortunately as it stands now, he is not living up to his potential.

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Part of me is screaming NONONONO DONT DO IT, but the rest of me thinks it could be really awesome.


One ex of mine had a pretty nasty midlife crisis a couple years ago. He broke things off, and I gave him space. I couldn't shake the image of his body from my head, so I invited myself over for a 'talk'... for one last time. I wore a leather coat (knee length) over black lace set. I've got to admit, I wasn't upset that it was just for the night. You shouldn't be either. If you go through with it, do it for the pride you have in your body, and the lust you have for his. It definitely won't guarantee that you'll get back together again.

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I say go for it. Life is too precious to wonder, "What if?" What do you really have to lose? Good luck.



I dont agree with that at all.


The 'what if's' could be rejection, humilation, shame, another broken heart.....


And she has EVERYTHING to lose..... her self respect, her dignity and all the past healing over the last year.


OP, dont do it!!

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I say go for it. Life is too precious to wonder, "What if?" What do you really have to lose? Good luck.


instead of showing up at his place in lingerie, what if she called him up and suggested they get a cup of coffee and 'catch up.'


i don't know what his relationship status is, but what if you come over in lingerie and his new gf answers the door? or he laughs at you and tells you to get out?


what if he has sex with you and you never hear from him again (or if you do, it's just for sex?)


i'd probably be more conservative with the "oh, just saw some photos of us, and thought i would call you to see what you are doing these days."

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I think you should come to MY place in the sexy lingerie and we should both help each other get over our exes...



....lol, jk Don't do it, though. He might not even understand, he might go "what the hell are you doing" and think you're crazy.

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i was thinking it was kinda wacky which is why i asked to begin with... i am secure enuf to be bold and vulnerable, but i dont want to be a crazy chick either. i am not good at this stuff, ive only had 3 relationships in my life.


i think i might just stop by the restaurant (fully clothed) and say hi and ask how the cats are doing...last time i saw him really quick at home (i missed him at work) to pick up the papers, one of his guy buddies was there and entertained me at the door while he was changing his shirt (why would he need a new shirt?), he got me the papers and i gave him a bag of my latest product (half a dozen bags of it in a big paper grocery bag). I sort of enjoyed that, since he never really thought i'd ever get something to market and all, i didnt even try to discuss it with him, just said thanks, and handed him the bag o' stuff with a big smile and a c ya.


If he wasnt such a grouch he could have enjoyed this lingerie and more...tis a pity but i cant have a good relationship all by myself. all my friends (and a few of his friends/relatives) understand the situation and tell me he's delusional and one day will be kicking himself but he is his own worst enemy. I guess we all are to some extent. I think the hardest challenges we ever have are with ourselves. Damn, I'm horny! ;-) I have had 3 dates in the past 5 days and will have two this weekend...maybe someone will come along... i make myself go out sometimes because i know i need to, but id rather stay home with him and cook something up and snuggle. I am still sleeping with about 5 pillows to hold on to (at least they dont snore! LOL).


FYI I was married to a guy who left me for someone else, then 2 yrs later he wanted back, I wasnt even with anyone and told him no, he still wants back after 10 years... but i cant trust him. He has told me how amazed he is that i never turned him down for sex, didnt clean him out in the divorce, and don't hate him (when he left me at 9 mos. pregnant our infant son died in childbirth). Ya I'm so amazing, yet alone, how ironic is that.

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Go find yourself a man that will appreciate you in your lingerie. Honestly, if you showed up at my door after a year I would be horrified and think you had lost your mind. I would lose all respect and never want to talk to you again.


Keep your self respect and dignity. Never forget this:


Your relationship in bed is only as good as your relationship is out of bed.

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I think you need go flak to a therapist and work on your self esteem. If a guy knows he can walk all over you he'll lose respect for you and you need that for a relationship. Save the lingerie for some guy worthy of seeing you in it.

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