sabotaging/stigmatizing girls who are into me

[mmmd]

so i've been talking to a girl online for a few days. i like most everything i've seen.

 

except, she appears to be very into me. which for some reason ,weirds me out and makes me think something has to be up with her, since she's digging me after a few e-mails.

 

plus, i always stigmatize girls for doing online dating, but clearly I'M doing it, plus i know tons of other people are doing it who are perfectly normal.

 

i don't know, it just seems odd that she's very excited about this very quickly. but on the site, you can see how frequently she responds to messages, and hers is very selective, so it's not like she's incredibly desperate. and she is attractive, smart, and writes very engaging e-mails.

 

does anyone else do this to themselves? like, "she's into me, what's the catch?"

[Day_Walker]

I have some friends who seem to do this, in their case it seems that they are just used to a girl showing that much interest in them initially since they are used to doing the majority of the ground work.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

Would you prefer if she played games according to the so-called "dating rules" so that you didn't know if she liked you or was messing you about?

[mmmd]

haha, i didn't say it was rational.

 

i just overthink/analyze everything. in reality, it's awesome that she makes such a concerted effort to talk to me, writes long e-mails, talks about wanting to hang out and joking about how i seem too good to be true.

 

brains are weird

[Celadon]

LOL, I am just like you (except with guys) AND I am also like the woman you're talking about!

 

When a guy is into me early on and I haven't decided I like him, I am very cautious. I assume that he doesn't like *ME* for me. He likes the person he imagines I am, and that makes me critical/skeptical of him, makes me think maybe he's a bit desperate. I make it very hard for him to get to know me, which is something a friend of mine recently chided me for.

 

On the flip side, as a woman who is looking for a real match, a serious relationship, I would absolutely focus on only the most promising guys. So if you fit the bill, generally, I could see myself (or definitely other women) trying very hard to get your attention because it's hard to find someone who is *really* compatible.

[Kraegorn]

I think you're being too suspicious and don't have enough reason to be, since you've only known her from a few emails. Besides, you're living life fully when you're more vulnerable and willing to take risks. Who's having more fun: the child who has everything to look forward to or the old man who's seen it all?

[mmmd]

yea, plus there's this "if she's so great, why is she single and looking for guys online" stigma. once again, ridiculous.

[peanutbutterandjelly]

i think you should just ask her out and see for yourself. I dont think theres a catch, she just sounds genuinely interested.

[mmmd]

well, the only issue there is that i'm not in her city right now. moving there in ~6 weeks

[Iakasot]

Girls who fall in love quickly fall out of love quickly too. That's what goes through my head when a girl is too interested too early. It didn't always used to, I just thought they were good/nice girls. Then I gained experience to see what it REALLY meant

 

mmmd, I would try to get her to tell you how long her previous relationships have been, and who was doing the breaking up in them, the guys, or her. Like "Well, me and this girl dated for X long, I broke up because of long distance, what's your story?" or something. Try to euphemise it, so you don't give her a reason not to like you. You might wanna try joking even "yeah, those questions are part of my screening process, gotta make sure you don't get stuck with some loser or creep on online dating right?". Not worded like that, but in a joking way. You get what I mean, right?

[BriarRose]

Would you prefer if she played games according to the so-called "dating rules" so that you didn't know if she liked you or was messing you about?

Many men would......](*,)

[mmmd]

i think part of it is to protect myself.

 

i'm realizing i'm really afraid of getting hurt after my last relationship. i can't enjoy things.