Need Last Resort Advice

[boho]

This may be a little long, but I greatly appreciate anyone who takes the time to read it and offer their advice. I'm a 20 year old college student, and I have been seeing a boy named Matt for about 5 months. We both go to the same school and I am good friends with his stepsister who also goes to our school. I use the term "seeing" loosely, as our hangouts usually involve parties with the OCCASIONAL sober hangout. My problem is that we hardly hangout when we are sober, but it's not because we don't like each other sober, it's because he goes out every night of the week. He can't say no to people, and when they ask him to go out, he goes. He is a pushover- he's the nicest guy I've ever met and I've never been able to trust a guy like I trust Matt. When he sleeps over, he won't even let me drive him home in the morning because he doesn't want to inconvenience me, and even though we've been "together" for 5 months, we still haven't had sex and he's never pushed it on me. In fact for the few things we have done, he's asked me before we've done them to make sure I was okay with it. We stopped hanging out because I got tired of him always going out and us never hanging out sober, but the other night he asked to talk to me and we decided we'd give it one more shot to really try and make it work. This is my last week at school and after this I'm going home and we live about 2 hours away from each other. I just don't see this working, but I can honestly say he's the first boy I've ever liked this must, or been able to trust. There isn't one mean bone in his body and his problem is he can't say no, but if we don't start hanging out sober and get to know each other in a way besides drinking, I don't know if I can do this anymore. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

[Kraegorn]

You hit it on the nail when you mentioned it wasn't a sober relationship. If you want to take it on a more serious level and he's being just the way he is, don't expect things to change. It might be that you're seeing more in him that's not really there. He's nice and submissive, but that doesn't necessarily mean he'll never hurt you. Pay attention to the finer details. The best decision one can make is ignoring what think they'll regret in the future, while focusing on the here and now.

[digger11]

did you tell him that you want to spend time together sober??

sure he can go out with his friends, but it doesn't mean he needs to drink. You should try telling him youre interested but that the alcohol is a hinderance since there is never 'quality' time.

[geekgirl4]

It seems you want him to have a backbone but he doesn't. Honestly, if both of you don't make a more conscious effort to see each other sober and make more time for each other (Matt especially!), then just consider it a nice crush. Just because a guy is very very nice doesn't mean he won't hurt you either. Actions AND lack of actions hurts. He seems to fall in the lack of actions part.

[Simply Sweet]

Honestly...guys like him have a hard time changing! You may want and expect him to change his ways, but most likely he won't. What he's doing now is a sure sign of what a "real" relationship would be like. He's a nice, sweet guy...but if he can't say "no" every once in a while, there's really no telling what he might agree to later on (e.g. cheating, drugs, ect.) You can try and talk to him and get him to change, but I doubt it would last long because he doesn't have the backbone to say "no." Unless he truly makes the commitment to change, he won't and you would be setting yourself up for eventual heartbreak.