Now what?

[Hart]

Hi -- I think this is as best placed as it possibly can be. sorry if it's misplaced or anything, I'm new here.

 

So, I'm in quite a situation right now and I'm emotionally drained. To briefly set the scene - I'm a 21 year old struggling with a girlfriend of four years who doesn't even want to consider talking about settling down. She's 19 and in school. I'm at the point right now to know that if she were to be committed to me, this is the girl that I want to be with for the rest of my life. Understood that her and I are both very young, but I'm not the type who cares about having to have anymore partners.

 

I very briefly asked her today what her thoughts on ever settling down were with me, and she immediately got on the defense and said that she waiting until she is finished school (in another 4-6 years) and got completely defensive about the subject. So immediately, embarrassed, I got upset and angry with the mindset that she just wasn't ready to commit to even talking about it. I mean, after four years of being together, it was eventually going to come up where I'd start talking to her about it... but to get shot down like that, was just upsetting. So that really set the mood for the rest of night, me having really no assurance that she was feeling the same about me, as I do about her, and that she wasn't ready to commit to me for the rest of her life. I understand that she's young, but eventually people need to start talking about grown-up things like this (especially after four years of being in a relationship.)

 

So throughout the rest of the night, she didn't really even kiss me or anything. Which brings me to our next (smaller, yet something more current.)

 

Her and I end up fighting a lot about little things, one ends up being the fact that we aren't sexually active (at all.) I get upset with the fact that her and I aren't at all active and I constantly am bringing it up to her to try and have her realize the fact that not having even that kind of bond is only hurting our relationship, but she gets mad at me whenever I bring it up (and then uses the excuse that she doesn't do it because I bring it up too much, or that we fight too much) which ends up being quite a ridiculous circle.

 

We were active before, even though it was never really as much as I'd hope? We ended up doing stuff once every week, then it started slowly panning to two weeks, a month, 3 months, etc. I think the last time we even did anything was four weeks ago.

 

..

 

She claims that she loves me, but doesn't do anything with me (currently) and doesn't even want to talk about our future together...

 

 

 

 

Am I really in the wrong here? Am I just going to end up getting hurt?

[lavendarcharm]

This is an emotional subject, I think that it sounds like you two need to find out what each other wants out of life you cant make someone want to be in serious relationship and it sounds like she doesnt know what she want. At the same time though as young as you guys are it wouldnt be a bad idea to wait till after college to settle down If it is infact what you two both want. I am not sure why she isnt being sexual maybe she is loseing interest or can sometimes be showing a sign of infidelity. I think the best thing is communication between you both and find something you both agree upon. If you both are not willing to listen to each other then it will not change matters much. It sounds to me though that if you love something let it go if it comes back it will but if it dont it was never yours in the first place.