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Honeymoon over...?

CarnelianButterfly

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CarnelianButterfly Veteran

CarnelianButterfly

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I'm really not sure where to start, but I've been having some serious questions about my relationship. My boyfriend is 4 years younger and sometimes I wonder if he's still growing up (I'm 29, he's 25).

 

I question how attracted to me he really is. He rarely compliments me, on occasion he will say something about my shirt or the necklaces I wear (I make a lot of my own jewelry). He doesn't call me sexy, he doesn't say anything. We kiss, snuggle and are intimate, but I think its just sex to him at times. I'm a size 14/16, so I know I'm heavy and I worry that is why he's not attracted. After several comments he'd made about his past ex's being so petite or small, I asked him point blank if I was the biggest girl he'd been with and he said yes. It was a tough pill to swallow.

 

I don't want to be a needy or self absorb person, but a little hint would be nice. I wish he would tell me.

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petite Rising Star

petite

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Never judge anyone based on "convenient sex". If he didn't want to be with you he probably wouldn't, unless he is just scared of being alone, but I doubt that has anything to do with sex. As for the way you feel, if you don't like being "bigger" do something about it. Start eating healthier, start exercising, do things to improve your looks, for yourself and not necessarily for him.

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ToF Enthusiast

ToF

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You titled this "honeymoon over", so why haven't you mentioned that aspect of this?

 

How long have you two been together? Was his behavior different when you were first dating, or has he always acted this way?

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d24 Collaborator

d24

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You've been with him 4 years which means he was 21 when you met.

In which case yes, he wll still be growing up, and he probably won't mature for another 5 years or so. I know personally I'm just a big kid, just like many of my friends, but I know what I want for the future.

 

Anyway, don't ask questions you don't actually want the answers to, and if he's lacking passion in the bedroom do something exciting to put the spark back in. It's really really hard for men to ignite the spark, but for women all it takes is a pair of stockings and heels, and he'll look at you in a new light (and recipricate). If you look hot, you'll feel sexy and you'll have the confidence to get yourself (and maybe him too) out of this rut

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NightLily Collaborator

NightLily

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Why was he going on about how petite his ex's were?

 

Ask yourself this question seriously: Is it your own self esteem making you feel this way or do you really think he is just not that into you? You are really the only person who can answer that.

 

I would try doing as mentioned already and put the moves on so to say but you deserve to be with a guy that makes you feel like he is attracted to more than just your clothes.

 

Some people do stay in relationships just because it is comfortable. And if you have gained weight, yes.. it may very well be true he has lost attraction. BUT you will never know until you try.

 

Also, I don't know how tall you are but for many women a 14 really doesn't look big at all. So if he doesn't like it, other guys will. And if YOU don't... well that is a whole other story. Weight can always be lost.

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CarnelianButterfly Veteran

CarnelianButterfly

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You titled this "honeymoon over", so why haven't you mentioned that aspect of this?

 

How long have you two been together? Was his behavior different when you were first dating, or has he always acted this way?

We've been together for a few months. When we were first together he called me gorgeous, but I haven't heard anything like that in a while.

 

I'm thinking the honeymoon is over because of a few other issues that have popped up. His mother was visiting from China, so he had me hide my stuff at his place and hid all the condoms and made it like he was single. He didn't want me to meet his mother, I feel a little annoyed about that. He said his Mom and Dad always emphasized sex as only being something between husband and wife, so I understand the condoms, but not even have me say "Hi"???

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CarnelianButterfly Veteran

CarnelianButterfly

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Why was he going on about how petite his ex's were?

I have no idea. He has mentioned his past girlfriends and sex buddies, mentioning all were either swim team, gymnasts or whatever, pretty much fit or super small. I don't know why he felt the need to mention those things.

 

Ask yourself this question seriously: Is it your own self esteem making you feel this way or do you really think he is just not that into you? You are really the only person who can answer that.

I know he enjoys talking to me and I know we have very very similar minds and senses of humor. We get along well, no lack of topics, dead air or anything, but we never talk about the relationship. I suppose I'm having problems with the lack of definition as to what we are. We spend so much time together, he's introduced me to all his friends, but I don't know if he considers me a girlfriend. I question this because he's had so many sex buddies and few relationships. I would like some definition, but I don't want to ask and have him think I'm being clinging or insecure.

 

I would try doing as mentioned already and put the moves on so to say but you deserve to be with a guy that makes you feel like he is attracted to more than just your clothes.

We still have sex, he has issues with his erections, he says its his blood pressure, but I feel partly responsible. I feel if he was really turned on, it wouldn't be a problem. I know the condoms, but I'm not going to risk my health.

 

Some people do stay in relationships just because it is comfortable. And if you have gained weight, yes.. it may very well be true he has lost attraction. BUT you will never know until you try.

 

Also, I don't know how tall you are but for many women a 14 really doesn't look big at all. So if he doesn't like it, other guys will. And if YOU don't... well that is a whole other story. Weight can always be lost.

I haven't gained weight, I've lost weight. We walk together when we can, something I really enjoy. I'm very aware of my diet, I don't eat junk food, I love fruit and veggies, I watch my calories. I also put a lot of effort into my appearance, I take care of my skin and hair, wear clothing that is right for my shape, I want to look sophisticated and still have my flair. To be honest, he is much more over weight than I am. He is about 60 - 70 pounds overweight, but I still think he's sexy. I tell him so a lot and make sure that he is aware of how much I'm attracted to him.

 

I wonder if maybe I'm expecting something he's not that comfortable doing? His compliments didn't seem forced, he calls me awesome and brilliant when discussing my intelligence, but physically its different. He just doesn't seem as ready to comment.

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jengh Experienced

jengh

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We've been together for a few months. When we were first together he called me gorgeous, but I haven't heard anything like that in a while.

 

I'm thinking the honeymoon is over because of a few other issues that have popped up. His mother was visiting from China, so he had me hide my stuff at his place and hid all the condoms and made it like he was single. He didn't want me to meet his mother, I feel a little annoyed about that. He said his Mom and Dad always emphasized sex as only being something between husband and wife, so I understand the condoms, but not even have me say "Hi"???

 

Could that have been a cultural thing? You say she was visiting from China, so my assumption is they're Chinese. Do they expect him to marry a Chinese woman?

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