KG Posted May 21, 2010 Share Posted May 21, 2010 She went totally out of control today.. complaining I didn't read her e-mails from last night, ( i DID), how was she supposed to know it was her "time', it's supposed to be up to me to chart it???????????????? Do you girls get worse with age and menstruation? I mean, this was wacked. I've lived with women my entire adult life, dealt with hormonal changes. I'VE WEATHERED IT,but this is bad! Any suggestions????? We're not speaking for tonight. TIA KG Link to comment
sophie274 Posted May 21, 2010 Share Posted May 21, 2010 What happened? She herself said she was upset because she was on her period and that it was up to you to keep track and not upset her when she is on her period? Or are you assuming? Link to comment
KG Posted May 21, 2010 Author Share Posted May 21, 2010 What happened? She herself said she was upset because she was on her period and that it was up to you to keep track and not upset her when she is on her period? Or are you assuming? She means yes when she says no,black when it's white.... Link to comment
Miss Firecracker Posted May 21, 2010 Share Posted May 21, 2010 Oh, this is worse than PMS, KG. This is the BIG ONE! God help you... Link to comment
sophie274 Posted May 21, 2010 Share Posted May 21, 2010 She means yes when she says no,black when it's white.... Ha ha ok I sense the frustration, but did she herself tell you that she is upset because of her period? Or are you just assuming? And are you sure this can just be chalked up to hormones? Maybe she has a real grievance, even though you might think it's silly. Link to comment
KG Posted May 21, 2010 Author Share Posted May 21, 2010 What happened? She herself said she was upset because she was on her period and that it was up to you to keep track and not upset her when she is on her period? Or are you assuming? She didn't she was due...my fault????? Link to comment
nutbrownhare Posted May 21, 2010 Share Posted May 21, 2010 If this is out of character, then it's much more likely to be hormonal than not. At age 50, it's also unlikely to be PMS - more likely to be menopausal; for which there are many treatments available. Not everyone gets terrible menopausal symptoms, though the fluctuating hormones can cause mood swings and irrational behaviour. Don't bring up any of that while she's feeling like this, though. All you can do is damage limitation. If you're not speaking for tonight, leave it that way, for a couple of days if necessary. You may well find your life gets easier if you were to send her a single red rose, for example, just to let her know you're still there and you still care - that's if you do (!). Then leave any contacting up to her. If this is just a one-off, then put it behind you once it's over. However, if this is a regular feature of your relationship then you need to discuss it with her when you're both feeling OK and the dust has had time to settle a bit. If it's a regular feature and she's not prepared to do anything about it, then you need to ask yourself if the good aspects outweigh the bad in the relationship and make a decision as to whether you want to stay. Link to comment
BellaDonna Posted May 21, 2010 Share Posted May 21, 2010 She went totally out of control today.. complaining I didn't read her e-mails from last night, ( i DID), how was she supposed to know it was her "time', it's supposed to be up to me to chart it???????????????? Do you girls get worse with age and menstruation? I mean, this was wacked. I've lived with women my entire adult life, dealt with hormonal changes. I'VE WEATHERED IT,but this is bad! Any suggestions????? We're not speaking for tonight. TIA KG KG, I am a little worried after reading some of your more recent threads... Are the benefits of this relationship still outweighing the costs? It is not reasonable for her to expect you to chart her cycle, IMO. I wouldn't say that the behavior you are seeing is normal at all. Link to comment
KG Posted May 21, 2010 Author Share Posted May 21, 2010 This is a one off...will take your advice...the rose. Link to comment
sophie274 Posted May 21, 2010 Share Posted May 21, 2010 Alright, I'm still not sure on whether she actually said "I'm upset because I'm on my period" or whether you're assuming, but either way, my only wisdom would be. Hormonal problems are NEVER an excuse to treat someone badly (although it sounds, thankfully, like she was just upset, not abusive or mean), but I have heard that menopause is a doozy. There was an interesting article in the paper from a man who was being treated for prostate cancer and was being treated with hormones that basically put him into "menopause", and he wrote that the mood swings he felt were ridiculous, and that he could not believe how out of control he felt. (He also had some nice things to say about hot flashes.) So I think some understanding is in order, as long as she's not taking everything out on you. The other thing is - be careful assuming it's her hormones that are causing the problem. Unless she specifically said "I'm so upset because I'm having a period right now", it's a dangerous road to go down. No faster way to delegitimize a woman's feelings than to chalk them up to "hormones". Even if she is overreacting, she might have a real grievance (about the emails, for instance). Link to comment
Miss Firecracker Posted May 21, 2010 Share Posted May 21, 2010 I'm also not very clear about what happened. It was a little vague. Link to comment
KG Posted May 21, 2010 Author Share Posted May 21, 2010 I'm also not very clear about what happened. It was a little vague. OK...out of nowhere just plain batchy. Finding faults with me, with her job, her car, everything. So out of character for her. When I asked if was her "time", she freaked, saying she doesn't chart it, I should, cuz of sex. NOT TRUE! I chart it, so I can anticipate her mood swings. But today was really bad. Being accused of all sorts of things. This is soooo not her. And, yes, I know better to ask "is this cuz you're on your period?" But it was so sudden, and very harsh. Link to comment
Miss Firecracker Posted May 21, 2010 Share Posted May 21, 2010 I would never expect a man to keep up with my cycle. I never kept up with it either. Maybe this is the real woman, KG. You are just getting comfortable with each other, and maybe she senses she has you wrapped around her little finger now. You have to nip this now or she could make your life very difficult. I expect she is about to go through menopause, and that is an awful time of life...at least for me it was. But you have done nothing to hurt her, and you should NOT be treated this way. Stand your ground with her. Link to comment
KG Posted May 21, 2010 Author Share Posted May 21, 2010 I would never expect a man to keep up with my cycle. I never kept up with it either. Maybe this is the real woman, KG. You are just getting comfortable with each other, and maybe she senses she has you wrapped around her little finger now. You have to nip this now or she could make your life very difficult. I expect she is about to go through menopause, and that is an awful time of life...at least for me it was. But you have done nothing to hurt her, and you should NOT be treated this way. Stand your ground with her. Well, I am trying to be patient, as she is hormonal. No, I don't think she has me "wrapped", that's just not her. She is a very caring person. I think this month she has some serious PMS, which I've never seen from her before. Link to comment
nutbrownhare Posted May 21, 2010 Share Posted May 21, 2010 I haven't been following any other threads about this relationship, KG (I did go to look some up, but got lost in all the others!) From what you've said here, it sounds as though she could be awfully high maintenance. Taking care of her cycle and her moods is HER responsibility, and nobody else's. I used to get suicidal with PMS, and have a lot of sympathy for people for whom this is a really traumatic time, but it still remains that plenty can be done to alleviate the symptoms and that's the responsibility of the person experiencing them. It does not give them the right to wipe all their, erm, excrement, on other people. You need to be very clear about what you will and will not tolerate. Certainly, don't put yourself in the firing line right now. Link to comment
KH26 Posted May 21, 2010 Share Posted May 21, 2010 I have to agree that it seems like it's something other than PMT. I too sympthise with people who suffer badly with it. I've suffered with really bad PMT for years to the point where I'm so tense I'm in pain and have to stay in bed. Talking to people when I'm feeling really bad isn't a good idea because I know I'll end up saying something I'll really regret. But of course there are things that can be done about bad PMT. And how are you supposed to know when her period's due? I've read a few of your threads but from what I can tell you're not with her at the moment? Might be wrong. My boyfriend can usually work out when my period is due just by guessing from when it was last time but I definitely wouldn't expect him to know when it's due, he just happens to guess sometimes. I'm not sure about age and PMT though sorry. But it definitely does sound like there's more to this than hormones. I hope everything works out OK. Link to comment
nutbrownhare Posted May 21, 2010 Share Posted May 21, 2010 I'm not sure about age and PMT though sorry. But it definitely does sound like there's more to this than hormones. I hope everything works out OK. This is a very personal thing; just as some women don't really suffer with either terrible periods or PMT, some women don't have menopausal problems either. In fact, for SOME women who've suffered with bad PMT and period pains all their adult lives, the menopause comes as a blessed relief. I have a couple of colleagues who were having terrible problems in this direction, but they're fine now they've got medication and HRT sorted out. Link to comment
KG Posted May 21, 2010 Author Share Posted May 21, 2010 We spoke today. She apologized, thinks it's a couple of things. PMS is really bad, had started on new meds, and a big argument with her son, which I did not know about. We're good,she said when she gets like this, she will try to warn me, so I'm not so shocked. Link to comment
Shortpants Posted May 21, 2010 Share Posted May 21, 2010 Good to hear KG! It does sound like she had alot going on and unfortunately took it out on you. You always hurt the ones closest to you, and all that! It must have been a little unnerving to have that tempest hit you right in the face out of the blue! Ah, us females are a wiley bunch!! hehe Link to comment
KG Posted May 21, 2010 Author Share Posted May 21, 2010 It must have been a little unnerving to have that tempest hit you right in the face out of the blue! Ah, us females are a wiley bunch!! hehe That was a shocker. She is normally very sweet and considerate, but I guess we all pay a visit to the "dark side". Link to comment
Crazyaboutdogs Posted May 21, 2010 Share Posted May 21, 2010 KG, I am a little worried after reading some of your more recent threads... Are the benefits of this relationship still outweighing the costs? It is not reasonable for her to expect you to chart her cycle, IMO. I wouldn't say that the behavior you are seeing is normal at all. I'll say. I can't even understand the rationale that he should chart it because of sex....I would think that EVERY woman should be charting her own cycle not because of sex but because who wants an unpleasant bloody surprise on their underwear and seeping through to their pants! Link to comment
KG Posted May 22, 2010 Author Share Posted May 22, 2010 I'll say. I can't even understand the rationale that he should chart it because of sex....I would think that EVERY woman should be charting her own cycle not because of sex but because who wants an unpleasant bloody surprise on their underwear and seeping through to their pants! I make it a point to chart cycles, better prepared to deal with issues. And most I've known, don't. Link to comment
Crazyaboutdogs Posted May 22, 2010 Share Posted May 22, 2010 I make it a point to chart cycles, better prepared to deal with issues. And most I've known, don't. That floors me...I would have thought most women would keep a record of when their period is due. Certainly as a woman heads towards menopause it is very important to keep a record. Link to comment
Perfect Dark Posted May 22, 2010 Share Posted May 22, 2010 My mum is 50 and her periods are still really heavy and irregular plus horrible moods. Your g/f shouldn't take it out on you, though. Link to comment
KG Posted May 22, 2010 Author Share Posted May 22, 2010 My mum is 50 and her periods are still really heavy and irregular plus horrible moods. Your g/f shouldn't take it out on you, though. Like I said, it was a combo of things. She's quite nice to me 99% of the time. Link to comment
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