No Contact and "poking" / I don't mean to be a burden...

[FootofGod]

I just want to say right here that I'm sorry if I've posted too much and anyone's annoyed. If you are, just let me know, but replying and writing alot on here has helped me wonders. I know other people have problems, too, and I don't want to overshadow them. Anywho, on to this, which I think counts as a new thread topic and may be applicable to many people. First of all, my story is here:

 

 

It's definitely not required reading, and only use it if you want to gauge my personal situation, but the topic is broadly applicable. I'm obviously doing no contact, as is pretty much commonplace here... but I have a question about rather or not something counts and/or is a bad idea. I de-friended my ex on facebook (I told her I was gonna when I initiated NC and that it's nothing personal and I don't hate her, it's just best for both of us) and deleted her number... but the other day, I had a "poke" from her on facebook (we used to constantly poke each other when we were together... on facebook, I mean It's early in, and I'm still swallowing the no contact myself, and I was touched and thought maybe it was a sign of understanding what I explained to her. So I poked her back. And, today, there's a poke again on from her.

 

I definitely am gonna go easy on poking if I do, because too much would be just as bad as communicating, but is this a breach? Is this terrible, or is it a good way to say, "hey, I still don't hate you, even though we can't have contact?" Our break up was a GIGS, and I told her we can't just be friends, but, I just don't know. Please give me your 2 cents or tell me any paralleled experiences.

[Mauxly]

Well, you can simply block her. I know I need to block when I'm in the throws of the ick.

I know it seems mean and all but you have to protect yourself.

[jellysandwich]

I wouldn't do it. Show her that you were dead serious about the NC.

[mercurial100]

Personally I would not do it - and I would probably block her.

 

If you are like me, my stomach sinks everyime I see her name...to know she was going out of her way to pok me would drive me crazy. I have also had to delete her friends because she was commenting on their status and if I saw her name I would see her profile picture..and if it was a new one Id have to go and find out where it was taken, who she was with, wonder who that lad is etc etc...

 

No contact for me means no contact, but I may be different.

[Radeon]

If you really loved her the way you said you did, try to make yourself understand that you shouldn't have to be friends with someone who never loved you. Remember that she made the choice to not be with you again, don't reward her for hurting you. She's only going to give you false hope, especially if its GIGS.

[TheJerseyKid]

Personally I would not do it - and I would probably block her.

 

If you are like me, my stomach sinks everyime I see her name...to know she was going out of her way to pok me would drive me crazy. I have also had to delete her friends because she was commenting on their status and if I saw her name I would see her profile picture..and if it was a new one Id have to go and find out where it was taken, who she was with, wonder who that lad is etc etc...

 

No contact for me means no contact, but I may be different.

 

This is exactly what I am doing right now, and it helps tons. I used to not do this in the past, and it would drive me absolutely crazy. I had the same thoughts "where was it taken" "Who was she with" the list goes on etc etc. But I literally have 0 idea what she has been up to since we broke up over 6 weeks ago, and it's making it A LOT easier to move on.

[FootofGod]

This is exactly what I am doing right now, and it helps tons. I used to not do this in the past, and it would drive me absolutely crazy. I had the same thoughts "where was it taken" "Who was she with" the list goes on etc etc. But I literally have 0 idea what she has been up to since we broke up over 6 weeks ago, and it's making it A LOT easier to move on.

 

 

Hmm, I can't say I share that in common with you guys. I know who she's with, I know where most of the pictures were taken, and if it were a new picture of her kissing him and snuggling all over him, I think I'm past that bothering me - I wish them the best of luck, even though I think it will fail and hurt her (they're gonna need the luck Even though I want her back more than anything, I'm not jealous. I still have my moments of weakness like any person with a heart, but, I don't know. Doesn't bother me. And I especially know it won't help my chances of getting her back.

 

She could send me a text every day telling me how totally happy she is and how she's so glad she'd broken up with me - good for you, go be happy. I'm going to, too, wish it could have been together 'cause I'm better than that guy and I'm better than being jealous. Of course, I wouldn't answer the text

[mercurial100]

Everyone is different I suppose. If I am being honest, I don't understand how seeing her kissing another lad won't effect you in a negative way, especially if you want her back more than anything.

 

In order to move on you need to lose the "wanting her back more than anything" bit and by seeing her on facebook, in my opinion, you are only hurting yourself.

 

The only reason for the post, as far as I can see, is to ask whether poking your ex on facebook is a breach of NC - for me it is a breach.

[FootofGod]

Hmmm, hmmm. Well, I never said I was over her. To put it in a sentence - I'm totally prepared to be happy without her and I hope she's happy without me. I just would rather us be happy together.

[mercurial100]

Hmmm, hmmm. Well, I never said I was over her. To put it in a sentence - I'm totally prepared to be happy without her and I hope she's happy without me. I just would rather us be happy together.

 

I feel the same but the reality is it's not going to happen. Talking to her, seeing her, stalking her facebook or poking her is not going to change anything other than delaying the inevitable - thats the way I look at it, you may be able to relate to this.

 

If you don't have a chance of making up then the only advice I have (and I don't have a lot of it, i'm only on day 12 of NC) is to completely cut ties with her...Stop seeing her name, stop having contact with her and as silly and harmless as a "poke" seems it's still the comfort blanket of having contact.

 

At some point the poking will stop - you will both move on, you can't poke each other for ever...I'd stop it now, please don't keep checking your facebook looking for a poke, especially if you will be dissappointed if it never arrives.

[FootofGod]

Well, how about this - she just texted me twice this morning asking me to send her tags for her car in the mail, and that she needs them soon (by the 21st). I didn't answer either of them for about an hour, but I figured since she's obviously worrying about it, it might be best to tell her I'm going to drop them off in her mailbox when I'm in town this weekend (there shouldn't be any contact, and I can live with driving by where she's staying) instead of just doing it, because she won't know if I'm coming and she'll worry about something totally unrelated to our relationship.

 

So I did I don't know if I should have, I just said exactly that with no extras. But she texted me back asking if its alright to send $30 or $40 to help take care of our cat. I don't have a whole lot, but I don't care about money, and as far as I'm concerned she doesn't owe me anything and we can figure it out after we've had our space - what do I do? Do I answer THIS? Is it just gonna beg more questions from her? I really want NC for a while and LC for longer, but I'm confused I told her when I initiated NC that we can figure out trivial stuff like that in time, but to just not worry about it for now.