Any recommendations on when to start dating agian?

[jenna-is-here]

Hello Everyone -

 

Well, it has been 6 weeks since break up & NC (4 yrs/living together). The cloud has lifted, I get through my days much better and even see a SLIVER of hope for future. Dont get me wrong, I still cry min 1x a day for a few mins.

 

My question is, if it takes a long time to 100% get over an old relationship, is there anything wrong with trying to go on a few dates in the process or is it unfair (to me and the person I am going out with)? I dont want to wait a year to date if it takes me a year to get over it.

 

Everytime I get on an online dating site, I fish around, find some intersting guys, then close the screen. I never take it further because I am scarred it will launch me into deeper depression when they dont stand up to my old man (which, btw, was no hero).

 

Any experiences dating sooner than later? Was it good or bad, etc?

 

Thank you in advance for any replies.

 

Jenna

[JonasWaingaro]

I went on a few dates at around 6-8weeks out and it was awful. I wasn't ready at all. It's a little early when you still have emotions/feelings for the ex. I didn't go on another for months (~6). Now it's okay. I can have fun, no thoughts of one-who-shall-remain-nameless. =p Waiting a while made it much much better. I firmly believe the sooner you start dating the more likely transference of emotions is going to happen. Probably not so healthy long-term. Just my thought. Anyhoo, if you are still in comparison mode, it's probably best to give it a rest for a while longer.

 

 

(Although I still don't really date, date. No enthusiasm at all about 'the game'. Blah)

 

hehe hey! Same topic twice!

[uncomfynumb]

I am soooooo ready to meet someone and start dating but meeting people is so hard to do. I'm fed up with online dating. I'm usually disappointed after meeting someone online, never as good as their picture or profile makes them out to be.

 

My heart tells me that I'm going to meet the love of my life at Church but I have not gone lately. I need to start going back. I try each day to look my best, smile at everyone, flirt. I get a lot of smiles back but I am so dang picky when it comes to appearance.

 

I say that you jump in and start dating again if you can find someone you like that interests you. As long as your honest about your past as another poster said, I think it is fine.

[jenna-is-here]

I met my last bf at a "singles event"...it works good in big cities. Not sure about elsewhere. I liked the speed dating because at least you can see if you have a reaction to a person (rather than a pic). I met him, he called me, and then we dated/lived together for four years! That is the relationship that just ended.

[nguyenal]

There is no time limit. You can start dating whenever you feel that you are over your ex and emotionally stable. Don't date for the wrong intention.

 

=)

 

Good luck.

[Hermes]

What is the big hurry, Jenna? Give yourself time, months, to get back to yourself.

 

H

[anu1560]

I tried dating after 2 months of breaking up from a 4 years relationship. I just wanted to feel better about myself. But it didn't work for me. I found some of the guys trying to take advantage of my vulnerability and also I started comparing them with my ex. And that was nasty. It took me more than a year to stop comparing every guy with the ex. And my ex actually cheated on me. So I couldn't trust any guy for sometime. I would have this feeling all the time that the next guy will cheat too and will hurt me too. I went jumped from one guy after another before I stopped. Because in the process I hurt 3 guys and I got hurt by 1 guy. End result. I was in more mess because I carried the guilt feeling for long time for hurting those 3 guys.

 

 

I agree with neguyenal, whenever you feel ready and healed, you should start dating.

[open book]

Its been 7 months out of the relationship for me and i will be going on my first date since the split this weekend. I'm certainly not 100% over my ex at all but I feel until i start dating i'll never be able to fully detatch myself from my ex. Until recently i had not even considered dating until recently. I guess i am just trying to move on with my life now- if i'm not feeling comfortable dating this new girl i'll be totally honest with her.

[AutumnBorn]

I know exactly when...the moment you meet an interesting, intelligent, warm human being and think "there's someone I could enjoy getting to know". That's the moment.

[adamt]

6 weeks after a 4 year relationship is a bit soon to worry about when to date again. Everyone is ready at different times. but thinking about dating should be last thing on your mind at this stage. Just focus on doing things you enjoy and the dating bit will come with time and healing. took me 6 months before i wanted to try dating again. a year on from the break up i feel i have to do it to help me move on and hopefully meet someone again. been on about 7 dates a couple were girlfriend material but sadly didnt work out. others i knew pretty quick on the date it wasnt going to work and thats hard to deal with as you start to think abotu your ex. you need to rebuild yourself first

[sphx26]

IMHO, you'll know when you are ready to start dating or being in a relationship when you no longer think of dating in a sense that you don't care whether you're dating or not. This does not necessarily have to do with the fact that you're healing as much as it has to do with the point where you are just happy being single and enjoying your own company. Happiness can be founnd in a lot of things, romantic relationships are just a bonus.

I also realize that I cannot give myself fully to someone new if I am not happy with myself first. Just my two cents.

[hurt2healthy]

Hello,

 

Dating again is a great thought. But make sure its not a rebound and you are not in a comparison mode. You'll never be 100% over your EX, but take your time to clear your head, love your self and regain your self esteem.

 

I am 4 months down mutual break up. I still haven't started dating. However; my EX started seeing this guy 3rd week down the break up.

 

Perhaps she was going around telling people that "She'll get married before I do"

 

I am doing a whole lot better, but still need at least a month to start dating.

 

Good Luck

[Little lady]

Right away! and I mean with friends. No don't start DATING your friends but go on dates with friends. Like, your girlfriends. It'll be fun and get you out of the house maybe flirt a little bit and then go home.