cherryberry123 Posted May 20, 2010 Share Posted May 20, 2010 I think I had it. This is my breaking point. Uncomfynumb wrote on one of my threads saying she felt sorry for me because I seemed obsessed with the ex. It's unhealthy and mentally draining. I need to stop making excuses for him. If he wanted to hang out, we would have by now He doesn't know how to say "no" It's just empty promises. I can't stand them anymore. I can't live like this anymore. I will be honest with him. So, I'm planning to go visit him and return some of his stuff. Tell him what's running through my mind, and say "I don't think I can remain friends with you.". This is painful, but I need to move on and let go of expectations. How should I text him? "Hey, do you mind if I come visit today? I need to talk to you." I just realized this should be in the healing section... Link to comment
Lastchallenge Posted May 20, 2010 Share Posted May 20, 2010 When was the last time u talked to him, called him, text him or saw him Link to comment
cherryberry123 Posted May 20, 2010 Author Share Posted May 20, 2010 When was the last time u Had any contact with him? yesterday night. I called him because my pets (which he gave me) were stolen yesterday. Link to comment
Lastchallenge Posted May 20, 2010 Share Posted May 20, 2010 why did u call him. And how did he act? Link to comment
cherryberry123 Posted May 20, 2010 Author Share Posted May 20, 2010 why did u call him. And how did he act? Because I needed to tell him what happened, and also for emotional support because I am pretty distraught right now. Who steals animals?! He was pretty understanding. I don't have a problem with our communication so much, he is completely open to it but I still like him...ALOT. Pretty obsessed. I can't live like this anymore. He keeps saying we will hang out, but I feel like I'm pressuring him. I need to just back off but I am scared I will never hear from him. I just need to be honest with him like uncomfynumb has said. This is it. Link to comment
TechResQ Posted May 20, 2010 Share Posted May 20, 2010 I'm so sorry about your pets...how awful. To the matter at hand, my suggestion is to just send him a "to the point" text and say..."I need to return some things to you and if you have a few minutes I would like to discuss something as well, please let me know when" very straight forward and matter-of-fact. good luck! and btw, I think you are doing the right thing...it's the only way you will be able to move on and start to heal. Stay strong! You can do it! Link to comment
lonelyandblue Posted May 20, 2010 Share Posted May 20, 2010 I fell in love. He saide I'd get over it and we could be friends. Well, yeah right. Easy for him to say. So I have to cut the ties so I can get over him also. It really hurts because the love I have for him makes the love I had for anyone else pale in comparison. Good luck. Just don't say anything that you will regret. Link to comment
HeartGoesOn Posted May 20, 2010 Share Posted May 20, 2010 It doesn't sound like you're truly ready to let go at this time. Otherwise you wouldn't have to ask what to say in a text message, or feel the need to talk to him in person. In order to heal you have to totally let go. Link to comment
Lastchallenge Posted May 20, 2010 Share Posted May 20, 2010 Yeah it sounds like your still obsessed.. Uncomfynumb said that but if I recall alot of other people did too... You really don't need to send him anything, you don't need to announce nc. It looks to me like you want to announce nc in hopes of him saying "no please come back" or some other type of give hope reaction from him... Your reply says you needed to tell him... You actually don't need to tell him anything you don't owe him anything, that might be on something you can work on while you rebuild yourself. I was very dependant on my x and that's one thing I made a point to work on. I think you should just go nc and move on. It's probably not what you want to hear but it's the right thing to do. Like you said you can't live like this right? Find a hobbie to keep you busy, go out and have fun. I don't know where you are but the weather this time of year is awsome! There are a million things to do and see... Link to comment
cherryberry123 Posted May 20, 2010 Author Share Posted May 20, 2010 It doesn't sound like you're truly ready to let go at this time. Otherwise you wouldn't have to ask what to say in a text message, or feel the need to talk to him in person. In order to heal you have to totally let go. Yeah it sounds like your still obsessed.. Uncomfynumb said that but if I recall alot of other people did too... You really don't need to send him anything, you don't need to announce nc. It looks to me like you want to announce nc in hopes of him saying "no please come back" or some other type of give hope reaction from him... Your reply says you needed to tell him... You actually don't need to tell him anything you don't owe him anything, that might be on something you can work on while you rebuild yourself. I was very dependant on my x and that's one thing I made a point to work on. I think you should just go nc and move on. It's probably not what you want to hear but it's the right thing to do. Like you said you can't live like this right? Find a hobbie to keep you busy, go out and have fun. I don't know where you are but the weather this time of year is awsome! There are a million things to do and see... I don't believe in completely disappearing. I find it cruel. I would be pretty upset if one day one of my friends decided to ignore me completely. That's been done to me, and it hurt. The reason why he left me is because I did unkind things. I need to be honest to him and say why I'm doing it. Also, if i disappear...I would still be expecting him to contact me. I need to know exactly whats running through his head. We are both playing games, and I'm sick of it. Link to comment
Lastchallenge Posted May 20, 2010 Share Posted May 20, 2010 I don't think he's playing games because he doesn't chase you and it's been over a year. It's pretty clear. Nc is for you to heal it really doesn't matter if it's mean or cruel and whatever you did to him he should have got over already since it's been a year.. He won't tell you what's going on in his head... That I can bet on Link to comment
uhohlala Posted May 20, 2010 Share Posted May 20, 2010 Yeah it sounds like your still obsessed.. Uncomfynumb said that but if I recall alot of other people did too... You really don't need to send him anything, you don't need to announce nc. It looks to me like you want to announce nc in hopes of him saying "no please come back" or some other type of give hope reaction from him... I agree. Cherryberry, I replied to some of your earlier threads but once I perceived that you weren't actually interested in moving on and accepting that your relationship with your ex is permanently over I recognized that I had nothing to say that you'd want to hear. I think you should just go nc and move on. It's probably not what you want to hear but it's the right thing to do. Like you said you can't live like this right? I agree. It's hard to let go, but sooner or later that's what you're going to have to do. Your ex sounds like a nice guy, maybe a bit of a pushover who can't say no (as you've observed). But if you continue to dream up various rationalizations for calling/texting/etc. -- each instance "justifiable" in and of itself but collectively a very clear sign that you're trying to keep him as a central figure in your life -- you may end up pushing his patience past its limit. And then you'll feel even worse. Just go silent. Not to have an effect on him. But to start reorganizing your time and your emotional life without him. Link to comment
uncomfynumb Posted May 20, 2010 Share Posted May 20, 2010 Hey cherryberry, You know that I said what I said not with the intent to hurt but to help you snap out of it. I don't think going NC and saying nothing is going to work for you so I think you are right in wanting to talk with him and being honest with him and yourself. I think doing it this way will close the door on it better and will help you more in the long run. Because what is going to happen if he calls you a month from now? You come back here and post "what to do?" You misread that contact just like everyone here misreads it and it sets you back. There is a direct and effective way to handle that, to prevent that from happening to you. So I encourage you to do exactly what you are doing. It is direct, it is healthy, it is honest, and it is adult. Good luck girl! (((hugs))) Link to comment
Lastchallenge Posted May 20, 2010 Share Posted May 20, 2010 Hey cherryberry, Good luck girl! (((hugs))) How come I don't get a hug Link to comment
pumpkinmoon Posted May 20, 2010 Share Posted May 20, 2010 Actually I'd leave out the part about needing to talk. I'd send a text saying, "I need to return your things, when is a good time to do this? I would appreciate it if you could let me know" Then I would take the things to him, tell him you are unable to be friends and that you do not think it is a good idea to remain in contact. Wish him well, then leave. No tears, no hugs, no nothing. Just get the hell out of there and start healing yourself. Link to comment
cherryberry123 Posted May 20, 2010 Author Share Posted May 20, 2010 i texted him... Me: If you are free today, do u mind if i come to visit? I would like to talk Him: I can meet up with you now. How about at the park near your place? Me: I need to shower and get ready, are you in a rush? Him: Not really. I'm gonna be busy after 3 Me: Busy for how long? Him: Up until about 5:30. Then I start work. Lucas wanted a night off...so starting today, I work 5 days Me: Ok...I just wanted to return some stuff and I don't think I can stay friends. Maybe I'll leave it on your front door Him: What's wrong? You don't have to return anything, it's yours Me: I want to return it. I just need to talk to you in person sometime soon [He didn't text for a while...so i thought that was it. But I just got a response while typing] Him: I was blunt because there is no way i can wimp out when i see him, and he knows what to kinda expect. I hate it when he puts a sad face, i feel guilty.... Link to comment
pumpkinmoon Posted May 20, 2010 Share Posted May 20, 2010 I think you need to go through with this now. The sad face was in response to you not being able to be friends. This is clearly something you cannot handle at the moment. Link to comment
uncomfynumb Posted May 20, 2010 Share Posted May 20, 2010 How come I don't get a hug (((hugs)))) Fell better now? Link to comment
lost my keys Posted May 20, 2010 Share Posted May 20, 2010 It's the hardest thing in the world to cut contact with someone you love but you are doing it for you so YOU can heal. Sounds to me like you still have a lot of work to do in this area. I know it's sad and sometimes it will hurt beyond belief but you can't keep living in a limbo world of hope or illusion. You're either together or you're not and the outcome of a reunion looks bleak from the view of an outsider. Sorry, not intending to upset you. There's a great e-book on the Baggage Reclaim site about no contact which I would recommend to anyone going through a break up and wanting to break away. Good luck and be strong xx Link to comment
cherryberry123 Posted May 20, 2010 Author Share Posted May 20, 2010 I'm just fed up at this point. He did this sad face before,and I ended up being in pain to keep him happy. He needs to stop being selfish and let me go as a friend. I will not be his bridge to ease into another relationship. Unfortunately I couldn't have my way and be with him...so he can't expect to have his way, and keep me on the backburner Link to comment
pumpkinmoon Posted May 20, 2010 Share Posted May 20, 2010 I'm just fed up at this point. He did this sad face before,and I ended up being in pain to keep him happy. He needs to stop being selfish and let me go as a friend. I will not be his bridge to ease into another relationship. Unfortunately I couldn't have my way and be with him...so he can't expect to have his way, and keep me on the backburner That's a great way to look at it. Now you have to just stick to it. Of course it won't be easy but you need to do it for your own sanity. Link to comment
nguyenal Posted May 20, 2010 Share Posted May 20, 2010 something like that happened to me ....I tried to fix the relationship and tried to make him feel happy and hoping that, one day, he would want me back. After a month or two, I realized that he was just using me and I was so tired. I just could not do carry on the one-sided relationship anymore. I went to his apartment last Monday and I told him that "I don't like you and I only think of you as a friend." Then we spent time together and my heart melted again. He said things that he never said before and I thought he was changing so I gave in. Then after that day, he hasn't talked to me so I have gone NC. Now, I am going NC to heal not to bring him back. I don't want that kind of relationship. It's time to heal for good. I think you should cut all the communication with him. Go NC and try to heal. It is hard at first but you can do it. I am like the weakest person out there and I have gone through 2 breakups and yet, I survived. You should try to read a lot and change your thoughts from negative into more positive ones. Also take a baby step at a time to change yourself for the better. Get up and be stronger. You will be happier later on. Link to comment
Brigadoon Posted May 20, 2010 Share Posted May 20, 2010 Unfortunately I couldn't have my way and be with him...so he can't expect to have his way, and keep me on the backburner Now this is more like it; make us all proud girly! Link to comment
cherryberry123 Posted May 20, 2010 Author Share Posted May 20, 2010 I'll be dropping the stuff off in front of his house since he'll be out. Link to comment
lost my keys Posted May 20, 2010 Share Posted May 20, 2010 I am like the weakest person out there and I have gone through 2 breakups and yet, I survived. I bet you're not weak anymore. If it doesn't kill you it makes you stronger right? That's the beauty in all of the s***. Link to comment
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